A 6 year-old inspires a long-time professional football player to keep believing in himself

Every once in a while you come across a story that is too nice to ignore—and is a story that provides a wonderful message for all of us, young and old, as well.

I encourage you to click on the link here to read an unusual but uplifting piece from ESPN about former New York Giants running back Brandon Jacobs.  In brief, a young 6 year-old fan of Jacobs wanted him to re-sign with his old team, the Giants, and apparently went so far as to send Jacobs money in the mail so the running back would be able to stay in New York and sign with the Giants.

As things turned out, Jacobs was not able to re-sign with his former team.  But the neat twist in this story is that Jacobs not only “refunded” the young boy’s financial support (with interest) but actually sought out the young boy so that he could spend some private time with the youngster.

It sounds as though Jacobs also found some personal motivation—and inspiration—as a result of meeting with his young admirer.

With all the negative sports stories that we can’t help but notice, it’s tremendous to see one like this.

College runner shows us the meaning of sportsmanship

It’s easy to find—and we sometimes write about them here—examples of poor sportsmanship, as demonstrated at times by professional athletes.  But it’s much more heartwarming to focus on times when individuals in sport really capture the essence of sportsmanship, showing that you can be an elite athlete/competitor and still handle situations with grace.

One such individual has captured attention in recent days—a long-distance runner named Meghan Vogel, a student-athlete from a Division III school in the United States.  After seeing a fellow runner fall in front of her, rather than run by and “get ahead” in the race, Meghan stopped, helped her fellow competitor up, and proceeded to assist the fallen runner to the finish line.

The story is well-detailed at ESPN.

This brings to mind a situation from a few years ago, also in women’s collegiate sports in the United States, when a player hit a home run, but fell rounding first base and suffered a serious knee injury.  She couldn’t get up, but a rival player went over, picked up her opponent, and carried her around the rest of the bases to ensure the player would receive credit for her home run.

We don’t see (or at least hear about) these kinds of acts of selflessness often enough, but when we do, we should highlight and celebrate them.  Because every once in a while, in a very competitive world, individuals sometimes stand above the crowd and show that sports—and life— is, in the end, about much more than winning and losing.

Referee abuse in youth sports out of control

Recent media coverage of instances of abuse of officials in youth sports demonstrates that too much emphasis is being placed on “winning”.

Sports are inherently competitive, yes.  It is natural to compete—in life and certainly in sports.  That applies to youngsters and adults alike.

But the over-emphasis on “winning” at the early ages in sports leads all too often to the kind of over-the-top behavior that simply can’t be justified—and should not be tolerated, either from parents or the young athletes themselves.

One such situation occurred recently in Alabama, where, if you can imagine,  a grandfather went after the umpire after a girls softball game. (Click to read more.)  The grandfather was eventually charged and faces up to ten years in prison.

We also cite a recent article in the Winnipeg Sun by columnist Paul Friesen.  Friesen writes about how youth hockey is losing countless young officials because of the abuse they receive at the hands of parents—and players. It’s a  very discouraging story.

Some will suggest these are simply isolated instances of poor conduct that do not reflect a greater problem.  In fact, it is a serious problem.  These two incidents happen to have been reported by the media.  The truth is that inexcusable behavior rears its head commonly in hockey rinks, on baseball diamonds and on soccer pitches and basketball courts on a regular basis wherever youth sports are played.  And the issue quite rightly raises the argument that there is simply too much emphasis placed on “winning” games at young ages in sport.

Young people have to learn to “win” and “lose” at some appropriate point in their life, without question.  But is it really necessary at the ages of 8, 9 and 10, for example?  There is plenty of time to learn to compete properly, to handle “winning and losing” and to shoot for “victory” when winning can and should be part of the competitive equation.

Parents often set a horrible example in this regard for their children.  They yell and scream at game officials any time a call goes “against” their son or daughter’s team.  Where does this lead?  Too often, it leads to youngsters mimicking their parents’ awful behavior.  The young players disrespect adult officials, or try to intimidate young officials who are simply trying to do their “job” to the best of their ability.

We are all tempted (and have likely set a poor example somewhere along the way ourselves) to be upset at a referee's decision, for example.  But we need to check our behaviour and not allow ourselves to act in a way that reflects badly on us- and on the values we should be trying to uphold and example for our children.

All parents love their kids and enjoy cheering for them at a sporting event.  But this can be done positively—without constantly blaming officials if things don’t go our way.  Sadly, emotion often overwhelms the moment and unfortunately, some parents become so over-invested in the sporting activities of their children that their behavior is an ongoing embarrassment.

It’s a sad commentary when young soccer and hockey referees leave the sport because they don’t feel safe and protected, as a result of the unacceptable behavior of adults as well as the behaviour of young athletes who are often simply—and sadly—reflecting what they witness themselves.

Brett Lawrie’s minimal suspension sends the wrong message to kids

Recently, a young major league baseball player, Brett Lawrie of the Toronto Blue Jays, was called out on strikes in the 9th inning of a close game.

The young (only 22) infielder thought the home plate umpire had made a mistake on an earlier pitch, and was particularly infuriated when what Lawrie thought was “ball four”, was instead called “strike three”.

Lawrie, an energetic player, reacted by going after the umpire and throwing his helmet down on the ground.  He ultimately had to be restrained by his manager.  The helmet flew up and hit the umpire on the leg.

The league responded by giving Lawrie a four-game suspension, which he has appealed.  The expectation is that the suspension will be reduced to only two or three games.

The league had the opportunity to send a very strong message to players and fans—and impressionable youngsters as well—that game officials, even if players think a mistake has been made, must be respected.  Disagreement is natural.  Violent outbursts, however, are not acceptable.

If a young player like Lawrie knows he can act in this manner, with minimal punishment, what is the motivation to modify his behavior in the future?

I read an article this week about a grandfather (yes, a grandfather, a man in his mid-50s) who went after an umpire of a girls little league game in Alabama.  He has been charged with a felony and could go to jail.  Here is a link to the story at Yahoo Sports.

Imagine:  an adult attacks a little-league umpire in the parking lot after a game.

This type of behavior is one of the many reasons that a number of sports are moving away from scores and standings at the early ages of youth sports.  Too many coaches and parents are focused on “winning” rather than ensuring that all the youngsters get to play and enjoy the youth sports experience—and hopefully, learn new skills along the way.

Sadly, sports, as much as it can and should be fun, can also bring out some of the worst emotions and responses from adults.  We set an example for children.

Unfortunately, the recent examples set by Lawrie, Major League Baseball—and that grandfather—are very poor ones.

An athlete saying what they feel out loud is not always the best thing

It’s easy to be critical of professional athletes when it comes to what they say in media interviews.  Often they are criticized for being “boring” and having nothing to say, in part because they speak in endless clichés.  However, if an athlete does say something out of the ordinary, they are often in turn  condemned if their comments are construed as negative or not “politically correct”.

It is no doubt a delicate balancing act for athletes.

That said, it was disappointing to hear a comment recently from a member of the Toronto FC.  After the Major League Soccer team had just lost its eighth consecutive game to begin the 2012 MLS season, the player in question, Ryan Johnson, appeared to take umbrage with the strategy and tactics of his head coach, Aaron Winter.

Quotes attributed to Johnson were detailed in an Associated Press story after the game.

Said Johnson, "It's embarrassing, I think. It's embarrassing that the fans come to watch us and we're just playing so defensive. You saw the frustration for me because I felt we were on our heels the whole time just waiting for them to play the ball. We were just sitting in our half the whole time," he explained.

"We did that the last game against Montreal and it was the worst. It was the worst feeling, like I didn't even want to play any more. It's awful."

Observers have different views on whether a coach should ever “call out” his own players in public through the media when they under-perform.  In this case, it appeared to be the player calling out his own coach.

We can debate whether a player has the right to express their extreme frustration after a tough loss.  Most would likely agree that it’s only natural to feel frustrated when a team works hard yet continues to lose games.  By all accounts Johnson is a responsible, dependable player for the Toronto side.

What is disappointing, though, is to hear a player say—out loud—the phrase, “like I didn’t even want to play any more…”

If that is true, then by extension fans have every right to believe that the player was not in fact playing his best, was not putting out for the team and was certainly not demonstrating leadership on the field.  A player may well disagree with the tactics he is asked to execute, but his job—once the strategy is accepted and implemented—is to play within the team’s system and do everything they can to make it successful.

Given the big salaries that many professional athletes make nowadays, they often have more say in how a team is “run” than they did decades ago.  But ownership still pays the bills, management still signs the players and builds the team.  For their part, players freely choose to sign with and stay with a particular team.  Ultimately, the coach is hired to develop and execute a plan for his or her team.  If there is an issue, some serious disagreement between players and coaches about the “plan”, then surely that should be addressed internally and privately—and not publicly through the media, when it can be perceived as sour grapes and a player not taking responsibility for his own—or his team’s—failings.

In a sport that is already afflicted by the “blame game”—notably players flailing their arms and blaming one another regularly on the field of play, in full view of spectators and large television audiences—this kind of comment seems to send another poor message to impressionable youth players.  As in, if things go wrong, blame someone else (the coach, the system, your teammates…) rather than look in the mirror and work harder to do a better job yourself.

Frustration under difficult circumstances is understandable and expressing that frustration can be understandable as well.

But publicly laying the blame for a lack of success at someone else’s feet is rarely the best response.

Three simple questions that can make you a much better youth coach…

It’s always good to walk by a sports field or arena and see a youth coach working with youngsters who is passionate about and really committed to what they are doing.

When that passion turns negative, however, it’s a concern.

When we conduct seminars for youth coaches, we try to stress some simple but important notions.  One is this:  as a coach, you make a very big impression on the young people you interact with every day.  The other is:  youngsters will remember your words and actions for a very, very long time.  So you should always ask yourself, as a coach, “How do I want to be remembered in 20 years?”

It’s a pretty important question.  Because if you want to be remembered as someone who made a real and positive difference in the lives of the young people you worked with, if you want to have had an impact on their values, their desire to “succeed”, their ability to overcome challenges and the hurdles that they will inevitably encounter, then the opportunity is there for you.  You can be the kind of coach that teaches them every day—about sports and about life—and makes them feel better about themselves and their potential.

Or, you can stress the importance of winning over all else, play favorites, laud (and also exemplify) the wrong kind of “leadership” and perhaps even destroy confidence through negativity, poor behaviour and/or constant yelling and negative reinforcement.

There are shades and nuances of course.  Most coaches are not all one way or the other, when it comes to the traits I just described.  But in all cases, whatever impact you have and memory you create, you are writing the script every day—right now— for what your athletes will say, feel and think about you 20 years from now.

Sometimes as youth coaches there is so much focus on winning that you inevitably try to find the biggest, fastest and most skilled players to achieve that goal.  As a result, your real role as a youth coach is sometimes lost.

Every youngster learns differently.  Some need to hear the lesson.  Some need to see the lesson.  Most need to repeat the “skill” asked of them over and over to build the confidence that they can do it “right” in a game situation.

But of course, there is much more to coaching than developing the skills of your players, as important as that is.

For example, do you ever ask them why they love the sport they play?  If not, ask the question.

Do you ever ask your young players what really motivates them, personally, to want to come to the field of play in the first place?  If not, again, try asking them.

I can’t tell you how many coaches I’ve worked with over the years that neglect to ask these most elementary of questions.  Yet the answers can reveal so much.

By taking the time to speak one-on-one with the young people you are responsible for as a youth coach, and asking these simple questions, it will be a window into their world.  You may be able to connect even better with them, truly understand their feelings, aspirations and dreams-  and also help them be even better than they were before. 

It may also help to make you a much better coach.

“Bounty” system delivers a terrible message for young people

Professional sport is big business.  It’s about money—and winning. 

That true sportsmanship is not always (ever?) at the forefront of “game plans” and motivational strategies—when the result is the only thing that matters—is not a shock to anyone.

But recent revelations that some NFL coaches (in particular, former New Orleans Saints defensive coordinate Gregg Williams) have routinely employed what is referred to as a “bounty” system are profoundly disturbing.

Pro football, by its very nature, is already a physical, often violent sport.  It remains wildly popular, though the violent aspect of the sport is finally beginning to receive attention, especially as we discover that more and more former players, sadly, are living out their lives with dementia and various ailments that are clearly related to hitting—and being hit—throughout their football careers.

So it is ironic that, at a time when the world is finally beginning to take issues such as head trauma and concussions (and the long-lasting repercussions of such injuries) seriously, that there are still coaches who apparently “teach” professional players to try and injure opponents so those players are “knocked out of the game”.  And, the players are rewarded if they manage to knock an opposing player out.

Williams was once the Head coach of the Buffalo Bills.  We encourage you to read the article (linked to WIVB) which details some of the concerning elements of the impact this kind of behavior at the professional level can have on our youth.

We know young people are often influenced by how adults and especially sports “heroes” act.  Here’s hoping this is one example that will be punished severely by the powers-that-be at the NFL level, sending a message to all youth coaches and players alike that this kind of behavior—and thinking—is unacceptable and will not be tolerated.