The Incognito NFL suspension: the lies we tell ourselves when we say ‘boys will be boys’

How often do we hear, not only at the professional levels but all the way down to the youth levels in sports that, “what’s said in the dressing room should stay in the dressing room”.

In other words, anyone—adult or youngster—who dares to not conform to hazing, or refuses to tolerate abuse or mistreatment directed their way is not a “man”.  They don’t know how to “take it”.  We are all—parents, coaches, administrators, etc.—supposed to turn our heads and accept inappropriate, cruel or simply unethical and ignorant behaviour because “boys will be boys”.

That’s garbage, plain and simple.  It always has been and still is.

The latest “bullying” story comes to us not from some local amateur team, or a kids’ league, but from the world of professional football.  And my hope is that the incident (or series of incidents) which caused second-year NFL’er Jonathan Martin of the Miami Dolphins to recently leave the squad suddenly will wake people up all across the board.

After bolting the team in a highly distressed state prior to a Thursday evening game the week of October 28, details leaked out that described a series of alleged threatening behaviours on the part of one of Martin’s teammates, Richie Incognito.  While Incognito reportedly denied at first any unacceptable behaviour on his part (and the team initially tried to claim there was no proof of bullying) it was announced on November 4 that the offending player had in fact been suspended indefinitely.

What became clear over time as the investigation continued is that there had been a long pattern of abusive behaviour, including the fact that that Incognito allegedly used racial slurs in certain forms of communication when interacting on social media with Martin.

What we don’t know is whether the use of highly inappropriate racial language was what actually caused the Dolphins to suspend Incognito.

A fair question to ask is: would the team have reacted if they had not discovered proof of racially inappropriate comments?  Clearly, such actions are suspension- worthy in any walk of life, but the follow-up question is:  why did the behaviour need to get to that level before the Dolphins acted?

Surely no one, absolutely no one in this day and age would, could or should tolerate racial (or other) discrimination of any kind. But there are all kinds of behaviours, comments and actions that don’t include that awful language or type of attitude that are nonetheless despicable and worthy of not only scrutiny but of a swift and decisive response.

Bullying, as we have written many times before in this space—whether in Grade 4 or in the NFL—is indefensible and should not be tolerated.  Full stop. 

This behaviour is learned somewhere.  It is encouraged somewhere. It grows and spreads like a disease if parents and adults (who, sadly, are often at the root of how this hateful behaviour develops) don’t deal with it at the early ages.

The world is full of “real men”, to use that expression, in the world of athletics and all other walks of life, who would never and have never stooped to behaving like an entitled, ignorant cement-head with no sense of values and no moral compass.

Yet the sports world seems to somehow still embrace this age-old, archaic attitude of “what goes on the in dressing room should stay there”.  Really?  What is being hidden there that others should not hear or see?  Why can’t it be exposed?

Of course there are all kinds of good, positive characteristics that should be associated with being part of a team.  Helping a teammate when they are down, assisting them when they have personal troubles, embracing their differences when it comes to what we may feel is “the norm”. Just being a considerate, thoughtful, supportive colleague in a team environment. That’s all good.

Athletics can indeed teach us many good things.  Sports can help build character. But when I see a story like this, it just reminds me, and should remind us all, that we have a long way to go.  Society has evolved over the last hundred or more years.  Thoughtful, determined, courageous people have fought for equal rights—in every sense—for all, regardless of colour, religion or ethnicity.  We don’t accept bigotry.  We don’t allow harassment or hatred to be shown toward “groups” that had been considered minorities or unfairly isolated decades ago, whether it be women, those with physical or mental challenges, or individuals with a “different” sexual orientation than the majority.

Yet on this question of bullying—which is often rooted in group think and the worst kind of human attitudes and behaviour, including in the world of youth, collegiate and professional sports—most of us are silent.

The Dolphins have a major issue on their hands, and a simple suspension won’t rid that team of the toxicity that reportedly surrounds it.  But my guess is they are not the only professional sports team that has similar problems. It took a courageous young athlete to finally say, essentially, “I’ve had enough” to wake the sports world up.

But will people really wake up?

I have little doubt there many NFL’ers who are thinking—if not outright saying—that Martin should just toughen up, that if he can’t take it, he should do something else for a living.

And if that is really what other players think, if that is really the attitude they have and thus the example they are setting for our young people (prospective athletes or not) we have an even deeper societal problem than I suspect.  Those individuals need only look in the mirror if someone they love ever faces abuse or bullying for any reason, because their attitude has delivered the biggest, most damaging—and most toxic—message possible.

Because if that is indeed the prevailing view, how long will it take society to turn this ship around? I cringe at the answer.

NFL player acknowledges selfish mistake; says it won’t happen again

Danny Trevathan, a rising young player with the NFL’s Denver Broncos, was on all the TV sports highlight reels after his team’s opening game victory this past week. But he likely won’t want to check out his own highlights.

The second year linebacker, an important part of the Broncos’ future, intercepted a Joe Flacco pass in the third quarter of the season-opening game against the defending Super Bowl champion Baltimore Ravens on September 5.  The Broncos were leading at the time and, after his impressive play on the interception, Trevathan proceeded to run with the ball toward the Baltimore end zone.  However, he started his touchdown celebration prematurely.  As a result, he dropped the ball and it ended up rolling through the end zone, costing his team a touchdown.

The Broncos were able to laugh about the miscue after the game, which they ended up winning fairly handily by a score of 49-27.  But shortly after Trevathan’s mistake, the Ravens launched a comeback and nearly got back into the contest.

Had the Ravens completed the comeback, Trevathan’s error would have stood out as the “play of the night”, maybe the play of the season—for all the wrong reasons.

Games in any professional sport are obviously very competitive.  Emotional reactions are natural and at times players will go a bit over the top in their celebrations when things go well.  That’s understandable—to a point.

For some fans, the on-field celebrations have gotten to be too much.  For others, the theatrics are part of the entertainment package.  But when celebrations detract from team success, it becomes an issue.  In this instance, Trevathan was so interested in getting ready to celebrate his personal success on a play, he didn’t conclude the task at hand—complete the interception and run it back all the way to the end zone for a touchdown.

This is not the first time a player has done this and it won’t be the last.  But it’s a reminder of the importance of staying focused on your real goal.  Celebration comes after the achievement—not before.

After the game, Trevathan acknowledged his act (focusing on the celebration before he reached the end zone) was a selfish one.  As he put it, “It was a young mistake. It’s not going to happen again.”

Denver quarterback and team leader Peyton Manning said simply.  “It was a mistake and he will learn from it.”  Hopefully that’s the message young, often impressionable athletes will take away from watching Trevathan’s early celebration.  Making big plays is great and it’s OK to feel good about success—and within limits, celebrate that success on the field.  But the team comes first, and a player obviously never wants to do anything—driven by ego or a desire to showboat—that harms the team.

Players make mistakes all the time.  In fact, at the youth level, developing players should be encouraged to try things so they will gain confidence.  In that context, mistakes are a normal part of growth—in life and in sports.  Physical errors happen in sports at all levels, including at the professional level.  But when a mistake is rooted in ego, it’s not as easily acceptable.

Trevathan won’t do it again.  Hopefully a few aspiring young players will keep his “mistake” in their own personal memory bank—and remind themselves not to follow his example if they are ever in that situation.

Brett Lawrie’s tantrum not the best message for aspiring young athletes

Being a professional athlete is a difficult and demanding job.  Individuals have to be not only exceptionally talented, but have worked long and hard to be among the one per cent of one percent who “rise to the top” of all those who began playing a particular sport as kids simply for fun.

In the same breath, while the financial rewards nowadays are handsome indeed for those who make it, athletes face a daily and very public pressure—besides their own personal performance expectations—from fans and the media.

It can be a bit too easy at times to criticize others when we don’t fully live through or understand the unique pressures someone else faces, including those often daunting public pressures and expectations facing many athletes.

That said, on occasion, a player will do something that makes a fan—or any interested observer—do a bit of a double take.  Such was the case recently when Brett Lawrie, the outstanding young third baseman with the Toronto Blue Jays acted out publicly in a game.

In the contest in question, the Blue Jays were trailing by several runs in the 9^th inning of a game against the Baltimore Orioles.  There were runners on first and third when young Lawrie, a talented and intense player, hit a fly ball to right field.  The ball was caught and the player on third base, teammate Adam Lind, did not attempt to score after the catch.

When Lawrie saw this (as he returned to his team’s dugout) he looked at both at Lind and the Jays third base coach, Luis Rivera.  He appeared to be saying something.  He was clearly agitated that Lind had not tried to advance, which was a decision made by the experienced coach.  The coach understood that Lind’s “run” was not important, given that the Jays were behind by several runs and there was a risk Lind, a slow runner, would be thrown out at home by the Orioles right-fielder, Nick Markakis, who has a very good throwing arm. 

The Jays needed a lot more than the run Lind might have scored on a risky attempt, yet Lawrie was visibly upset, and his anger carried over into the dugout where he was told by the team manager, John Gibbons, to calm down—with words, based on reading his lips, that were much harsher than what I just wrote.

What essentially occurred is that Lawrie had thrown a public tanrum, essentially publicly embarrassing and “calling out” (in sporting terms) a respected third-base coach (and former player himself) and his own teammate, Lind. 

Was Lawrie upset because the Jays needed that run, or because he missed a chance for a precious RBI—a personal statistical benefit which would also have helped his then dwindling early-season batting average?  (A player is not charged with an “out” or an official time at bat if he is credited with a run-scoring “sacrifice fly”.)

Those of us not in the team’s dressing room don’t know how teammates may have truly felt after the outburst.  But one could surmise that there are many major-league locker rooms (a successful organization like the New York Yankees, captained by the legendary Derek Jeter and with a legacy of success, might be one example) where it is unlikely that kind of publicly selfish behaviour would be tolerated.

It’s one thing to be an “intense” player who gives his all in endeavoring to help his team win.  It’s quite another to take that intensity and turn it against your own teammates (and coaches) and do so in a public fashion—because you put yourself above your team.

The Jays came back to win that particular game with a rather remarkable comeback after the Lawrie incident.  Interestingly, however, his behaviour was talked about more than the impressive victory.  And that may well be because a solitary victory in a 162-game season, while important, is nowhere near as important as how teammates treat and respect one another through the marathon that is a professional sports season.

Soccer has always been a sport, it seems, where professionals display their negative emotions in public toward teammates and for some reason, it is tolerated and accepted.  Yet such behaviour sets a terrible example for youngsters.  I’ve seen countless examples on youth soccer sidelines over the years of young players abusing officials, disrespecting adult coaches and criticizing their own teammates—by gestures and words—because they wanted to receive the ball at a certain location, or at a particular moment, whatever the case may be.

Where is this type of behaviour learned?  Usually in the home—or by watching what adult professionals behave like.

Regardless, when that kind of attitude of “blaming others” is learned at an early age, it can carry on forever.  That sense of personal entitlement and an accompanying lack of accountability sometimes never really leaves the individual. Watching an adult professional like Lawrie act out the other day was a reminder of what it was like seeing a much younger athlete with a huge ego (and who has always seen themselves as better than others) act immaturely.

Those “athletes”, those individuals, young or old, may indeed be “better” players than some of their teammates.  But their attitude is not.  And for a lot of us, being a good teammate and having the right kind of attitude is far more important than being “better” on the field of play.

Mariano Rivera sets a fine example for all

There is little doubt that, in the world of professional baseball, Mariano Rivera of the New York Yankees has been one of the “class acts” in the sport since he arrived on the scene in time for the 1996 major-league season.

He has helped the Yankees win a number of championships since that time, and in the process, has become one of the finest (arguably the best) “closers” of all-time.

After an early-season knee injury a year ago caused him to miss virtually the entire 2012 season, he was determined to return for one last year in Yankee pinstripes.  And he is indeed back.

But beyond his remarkable recovery from a serious injury as an athlete in his 40’s (he is now 43), the Panama-born pitcher has made a point of doing his “farewell tour” differently than most.  Rather than focusing on himself, in his final visit to play the teams the Yankees have competed against all these years, Rivera has asked, in every city he visits, to meet and spend time with employees from those organizations.  He wants to express his personal ‘thank you’ to those who make the game possible, and who, indirectly (perhaps directly, by their good work) have assisted him in becoming what he is.

Here is a link to one of the many articles (via Sports Illustrated) that have appeared about Rivera’s outlook.  He has sought out office staff, grounds crew employees, fans—any and all individuals who contribute behind the scenes to their organizations and the game of baseball, but do so usually without attention or thanks.

It is an unusual way to say “goodbye” to the game that has made him famous—and wealthy.  But it says something about Rivera that he has made a point of thanking others on his way out the door—shaking hands, posing for pictures, signing autographs but most importantly, just talking privately, one-on-one.  And he is spending time primarily with those who are never in the limelight themselves, but without whom the game would not function as smoothly as it does.

Rivera will be remembered as a Hall-of-Famer, an all-time Yankee—and baseball—great.

For those he will connect in this unique manner throughout the rest of the 2013 season, he may be remembered a bit differently.  But the memories will likely be no less special.

Athletes may not always be considered positive role-models any more, and understandably so, but for young athletes looking for someone to emulate—in terms of attitude, behavior, work ethic and humility—Rivera might be a good place to start.

An opportunity for a “second chance” a lesson for youth sports coaches as well

I was reading this week about a wonderful story—a former major-league baseball player who suffered a concussion in his first at bat in the big leagues, and never had another…until now.

Adam Greenberg is the name of the player.

Greenberg was 24 years of age when, in his first major-league plate appearance playing for the Chicago Cubs, he was hit in the head by a pitch.  Severely concussed and hospitalized, he eventually battled through post-concussion syndrome and returned to playing baseball at the minor-league level.  But he never had the opportunity to play in the majors again.  He kept battling to get that chance, but teams just weren’t interested in giving him another shot.

Now, at the age of 31, he will get that opportunity, albeit briefly, thanks to the Miami Marlins.  (Click here to see more on the story.)

While the circumstances around the Greenberg “story” are certainly unique, it does raise an important issue when it comes to youth sports.  All too often coaches in youth sports overlook a young player because they are too “small”, not strong enough or “tough” enough—at least in the minds of those coaches.

They make a quick and often unfair determination that a particular individual can’t play or won’t ever be good enough.  They don’t look at the bigger picture.  They fail to see the potential.  They often aren’t equipped, as coaches, to identify if the young player has genuine determination to succeed, and just needs time, experience—and real coaching—to really shine.

Coaches like that miss youngsters with heart, cast away players who are late-bloomers, or ignore youngsters that bring the kind of genuine “leadership” skills that narrow-minded coaches don’t even know how to look for.  Those coaches also can’t identify a youngster who will be a real team-player, for example, and contribute to their team in a host of important ways.

It’s easy to spot the biggest and fastest players at the youth level.  Anyone can do that.  They are often born early in the calendar year, and are simply more physically advanced than many of those they compete against.  So they have a clear advantage.

Just like Greenberg is getting a second chance—albeit it is just for a day, in his case—a lot of youth coaches should not rely on instant assessments or a one or two-day tryout when looking at young players.

Too many kids with real potential - and character - get overlooked that way.

A team-oriented reaction put the exclamation point on Canada’s Olympic breakthrough in soccer

It wasn’t just Canadians who responded to the courageous effort put forward by the Canadian National Women’s Soccer team at the 2012 Summer Olympics in London, England.  Many sports enthusiasts around the world warmed to the squad’s show of skill, determination and pride in fighting back from a less than stellar result at last year’s Women’s World Cup (and a tough loss in the semi-finals to the number-one ranked U.S. side just a few days ago), to capture a well-earned bronze at the prestigious Olympic event.

Perhaps the most touching moment of the entire tournament for Canadian supporters was the reaction of Diana Matheson, after the Canadian player knocked home the winning goal in the bronze-medal game against France in the 92^nd minute.  Matheson’s joy was certainly obvious, but her immediate reaction was to point to the front of her jersey crest.  Unlike so many athletes nowadays whose first instinct is to draw attention to themselves (even at times to the extent that they automatically point to their own name on the back of their jersey after they score a goal), Matheson’s response—pointing to the Canadian crest—was instant and obviously genuine, and sent a wonderful message to young athletes around the world.

There is an old expression, that athletes should play for the name on the front of their jersey (team or country) rather than the name on the back—their own.  This notion gets lost all too often in a sports world driven by money and ego.

But for a brief moment, when the Canadian team overcame many odds to achieve something special at a major event, a small gesture seemed to mean the world.

A 6 year-old inspires a long-time professional football player to keep believing in himself

Every once in a while you come across a story that is too nice to ignore—and is a story that provides a wonderful message for all of us, young and old, as well.

I encourage you to click on the link here to read an unusual but uplifting piece from ESPN about former New York Giants running back Brandon Jacobs.  In brief, a young 6 year-old fan of Jacobs wanted him to re-sign with his old team, the Giants, and apparently went so far as to send Jacobs money in the mail so the running back would be able to stay in New York and sign with the Giants.

As things turned out, Jacobs was not able to re-sign with his former team.  But the neat twist in this story is that Jacobs not only “refunded” the young boy’s financial support (with interest) but actually sought out the young boy so that he could spend some private time with the youngster.

It sounds as though Jacobs also found some personal motivation—and inspiration—as a result of meeting with his young admirer.

With all the negative sports stories that we can’t help but notice, it’s tremendous to see one like this.

Brett Lawrie’s minimal suspension sends the wrong message to kids

Recently, a young major league baseball player, Brett Lawrie of the Toronto Blue Jays, was called out on strikes in the 9th inning of a close game.

The young (only 22) infielder thought the home plate umpire had made a mistake on an earlier pitch, and was particularly infuriated when what Lawrie thought was “ball four”, was instead called “strike three”.

Lawrie, an energetic player, reacted by going after the umpire and throwing his helmet down on the ground.  He ultimately had to be restrained by his manager.  The helmet flew up and hit the umpire on the leg.

The league responded by giving Lawrie a four-game suspension, which he has appealed.  The expectation is that the suspension will be reduced to only two or three games.

The league had the opportunity to send a very strong message to players and fans—and impressionable youngsters as well—that game officials, even if players think a mistake has been made, must be respected.  Disagreement is natural.  Violent outbursts, however, are not acceptable.

If a young player like Lawrie knows he can act in this manner, with minimal punishment, what is the motivation to modify his behavior in the future?

I read an article this week about a grandfather (yes, a grandfather, a man in his mid-50s) who went after an umpire of a girls little league game in Alabama.  He has been charged with a felony and could go to jail.  Here is a link to the story at Yahoo Sports.

Imagine:  an adult attacks a little-league umpire in the parking lot after a game.

This type of behavior is one of the many reasons that a number of sports are moving away from scores and standings at the early ages of youth sports.  Too many coaches and parents are focused on “winning” rather than ensuring that all the youngsters get to play and enjoy the youth sports experience—and hopefully, learn new skills along the way.

Sadly, sports, as much as it can and should be fun, can also bring out some of the worst emotions and responses from adults.  We set an example for children.

Unfortunately, the recent examples set by Lawrie, Major League Baseball—and that grandfather—are very poor ones.

An athlete saying what they feel out loud is not always the best thing

It’s easy to be critical of professional athletes when it comes to what they say in media interviews.  Often they are criticized for being “boring” and having nothing to say, in part because they speak in endless clichés.  However, if an athlete does say something out of the ordinary, they are often in turn  condemned if their comments are construed as negative or not “politically correct”.

It is no doubt a delicate balancing act for athletes.

That said, it was disappointing to hear a comment recently from a member of the Toronto FC.  After the Major League Soccer team had just lost its eighth consecutive game to begin the 2012 MLS season, the player in question, Ryan Johnson, appeared to take umbrage with the strategy and tactics of his head coach, Aaron Winter.

Quotes attributed to Johnson were detailed in an Associated Press story after the game.

Said Johnson, "It's embarrassing, I think. It's embarrassing that the fans come to watch us and we're just playing so defensive. You saw the frustration for me because I felt we were on our heels the whole time just waiting for them to play the ball. We were just sitting in our half the whole time," he explained.

"We did that the last game against Montreal and it was the worst. It was the worst feeling, like I didn't even want to play any more. It's awful."

Observers have different views on whether a coach should ever “call out” his own players in public through the media when they under-perform.  In this case, it appeared to be the player calling out his own coach.

We can debate whether a player has the right to express their extreme frustration after a tough loss.  Most would likely agree that it’s only natural to feel frustrated when a team works hard yet continues to lose games.  By all accounts Johnson is a responsible, dependable player for the Toronto side.

What is disappointing, though, is to hear a player say—out loud—the phrase, “like I didn’t even want to play any more…”

If that is true, then by extension fans have every right to believe that the player was not in fact playing his best, was not putting out for the team and was certainly not demonstrating leadership on the field.  A player may well disagree with the tactics he is asked to execute, but his job—once the strategy is accepted and implemented—is to play within the team’s system and do everything they can to make it successful.

Given the big salaries that many professional athletes make nowadays, they often have more say in how a team is “run” than they did decades ago.  But ownership still pays the bills, management still signs the players and builds the team.  For their part, players freely choose to sign with and stay with a particular team.  Ultimately, the coach is hired to develop and execute a plan for his or her team.  If there is an issue, some serious disagreement between players and coaches about the “plan”, then surely that should be addressed internally and privately—and not publicly through the media, when it can be perceived as sour grapes and a player not taking responsibility for his own—or his team’s—failings.

In a sport that is already afflicted by the “blame game”—notably players flailing their arms and blaming one another regularly on the field of play, in full view of spectators and large television audiences—this kind of comment seems to send another poor message to impressionable youth players.  As in, if things go wrong, blame someone else (the coach, the system, your teammates…) rather than look in the mirror and work harder to do a better job yourself.

Frustration under difficult circumstances is understandable and expressing that frustration can be understandable as well.

But publicly laying the blame for a lack of success at someone else’s feet is rarely the best response.