Hazing in sports just another form of bullying, and it has to stop

The recent hazing controversy involving Dalhousie (located in Nova Scotia, Canada) University women’s hockey team reminds us there is a long way to go before the issues of bullying are behind us.  “Hazing” is merely another form of bullying.  That it occurs in the often protected and "hush hush" world of sports makes it no more acceptable than any other kind of bullying.

The women’s hockey program at Dalhousie has been suspended.  News reports (including in the Globe and Mail) quoting university spokespersons suggest it was a very serious matter.  The university acted swiftly to launch an investigation when made aware of the issue.

Sadly, in the world of men and even boys’ youth/amateur sports, this type of behaviour is all too common. This notion of making newcomers to a team engage in certain activities to gain acceptance to the "club" was always indefensible and yet too often ignored by school or team officials.  How often have we heard the old adage, “boys will be boys” as though the behaviour was acceptable?  And this is part of the dreadful mentality that has allowed awful behavior to be passed off as socially acceptable for decades.

And it is just plain wrong—and always has been.

Why has it ever been “OK” for one person to intimidate another based on size, beliefs, whatever?  Why do “groups” get away with bullying others because an individual looks or acts differently than the “norm”?  That this kind of thinking has been unofficially embraced in the sports community is a tragedy.  It certainly is not a a good way to promote the values of  sport and belonging to a team- or a school.

Real "team play" has to do with respecting your teammates—and the opposition, for that matter—regardless of whether they look, act or talk the way you do or are “as good” a player as you are.  In fact, differences should be celebrated.

Forcing people to do something as a "lark" is never OK.  We’re not talking about helping a shy person come out of their shell. When discussing hazing, we are talking about about creating a threatening scenario where often frightened, coerced individuals feel they have to do things that go against their beliefs or that they are simply not comfortable with, in order to be “accepted” by teammates.  Why do some people feel they must make other individuals conform?  The fact is, it is morally bankrupt behaviour.

We’ve discussed this issue before here.  In fact, we recently mentioned a story that actually highlighted  an interesting—and positive—response to a case of bullying in a school in the United States.  School athletes were involved in providing a creative "solution" to a difficult circumstance.  Sadly, contrary to what popular opinion might be, it’s clear that even women’s sports are sometimes afflicted with this unfortunate phenomenon.

Sports ought to be fun, healthy, competitive and should strive to hold young people—and even professionals—to a high standard of behavior along the way.  Sports should, and often does, inspire youngsters and bring out the best in them.

These stories remind us, however, there are still vestiges of the bad old days out there.  And good for Dalhousie for taking a strong stand against one of its its own teams.

Youth sports, bullying and a story that warms the heart

“Bullying” has become an often-used term in recent years, and rightly so.  More and more people have stepped forward to try to, somehow, deal with a phenomenon that has actually, sadly, been around for generations. 

Years ago it wasn’t necessarily called “bullying”, but the impact was the same.  If you were somehow “different”, you were targeted, picked on.  It might be the way you “looked”.  (To the aggressor, any little physical feature would do.)  It could be your religious or ethnic background.  It could be your physical size.  It could be the way that you spoke, or where you came from.

Just about anything was fair game to those whose small minds and cruel hearts made it a twisted game.

The abuse came in many forms.  A child might be pushed around physically.  They may be ignored or talked about behind their back.  The attacks might have been verbal and constant.  They could be subtle or not subtle at all. 

When adults do this it carries no particular name.  It is simply seen as petty and mean-spirited.  When young people do it nowadays, it is called bullying.  And that’s exactly what it is.  And it does have to stop, however impossible a challenge that seems to be.

While more attention is, thankfully, paid to this sickness these days, it has always been a sad, ugly part of the human existence.  What causes youngsters to act out in this way—envy, discomfort, their own insecurities, anger, hatred— is a question no one can fully answer.  Regardless, what we now call bullying  remains one of our deadlier societal “diseases”—and one that we have not been able to cure.

A touching story from Rick Reilly at ESPN (click to see his piece) tells the tale of a young high school girl in Arizona who has been struggling to cope with “bullies” at school.  Her story is all the sadder, on the one hand, because though she is a sophomore in high school, her ability to connect with others is not like that of most kids in Grade 10.  Her level of comprehension is evidently more at a Grade 3 level.

As you will note in the story, at the end of the day, it is some of the school’s popular athletes who deal with her struggles in a passionate, touching manner.

In truth, it has been the experience of many people throughout generations—as far back as anyone can remember—that it has too often been the “cool” kids, the “popular” kids, especially the athletes in a school setting (whether it be elementary school, high school or college and university) who are the ones who pick on, ridicule and bully others—anyone who is “different” from them.

They use their group mentality to intimidate, threaten and ensure “silence” when silence is needed protect their own inexcusable behavior.  Yet ironically, many of these same athletes are often lauded publicly by their coach or school teachers who see them as “leaders”, all the while either willfully ignoring or being unaware of the nasty behavior that lurks behind the phony veneer of the popular athletes they trumpet as school leaders.

This story I am referring to today has a happy ending, however.  It took a mother’s direct intervention (after school authorities were incapable of handling the situation) and a positive response from the high school football team to make it happen, but the outcome has been an uplifting one for all concerned—except the bullies.

That the school’s football players were able to make things better for the young girl without resorting to a bullying mentality or approach themselves is encouraging in itself.  I invite you to check out the ESPN story.

We’re a long way from solving an issue that has been part of the human condition for far too long, but perhaps stories like this will embolden other “popular” young people, including young athletes, to take a stand and make a difference.

“Bad parents” movie reflects reality

Someone sent me a clip recently of a trailer for the movie “Bad Parents”, found on the Active for Life Magazine website.  The movie tell the stories of a group of soccer parents, and well, you can imagine the storylines that ensue.

As funny as the movie appears to be, it may also provide some insight into the filmmaker’s experience as a sports parent - or at least someone who has observed the often impossible-to-defend behavior of parents on the sidelines and in the stands.

The parent attitudes reflected in the story are, not surprisingly, rather poor.

If most of us are honest, we have all (well, most of us) said or done things at a youth sporting event that, upon reflection, we acknowledge we should have handled differently.  The emotion of the moment, especially when one’s own children are involved, often seems to turn otherwise thoughtful individuals into something, well, less than that.

Adults yell at referees (in fact, we just came across a story whereby a youth hockey coach was suspended for ten years for punching a 16 year-old hockey player), they scream at the kids on the field, usually creating much more anxiety than positive emotional support as a result of screaming things like, “get rid of the ball…get it out…GET IT OUT….”.  And those kind of shrieks are just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to negative parent behavior—behavior that can drive their own children completely away from youth sports.

Sadly, youngsters may be embarrassed by their parents’ actions or worse, may copy and adopt the troubling adult behavior themselves.

It just leads to a carousel of negativity, hurt feelings and the result can be that youth sports, instead of being an enriching and healthy experience, becomes toxic and draining for all concerned.

A quick look at the movie trailer may be a timely reminder for all of us to set a much better example.

Acknowledgement for Taking You Beyond the Game

We were pleased to receive a note recently that listed us as an award-winning youth sports blog site.

This is the correspondence that we received:

I am pleased to inform you that Taking You Beyond the Game! has been recognised for excellence due to the contribution its top quality editorial offers the kids sports world.

KwikMed are a leading health (care) provider and and are regularly covered in the mainstream national press for their professional, modern approach to healthcare. They are one of just two fully licensed online pharmacies in the USA. This year, our specialist panel of judges have reviewed hundreds of different sites from across the internet before hand-picking the very best for each category. Taking You Beyond the Game! is among the elite selection of awardees that our judges felt made a real contribution to the kids sports category and you can see your site in lights here:

http://www.kwikmed.org/24-childrens-sports-websites-inspire-generation/

There are many outstanding sites among the award-winners, and it is a pleasure to be included in that company.

We appreciated receiving this acknowledgement, because we are serious about the work we do in trying to help instil certain values in the youth sports community through our seminars, books and the Taking You Beyond the Game site.

An opportunity for a “second chance” a lesson for youth sports coaches as well

I was reading this week about a wonderful story—a former major-league baseball player who suffered a concussion in his first at bat in the big leagues, and never had another…until now.

Adam Greenberg is the name of the player.

Greenberg was 24 years of age when, in his first major-league plate appearance playing for the Chicago Cubs, he was hit in the head by a pitch.  Severely concussed and hospitalized, he eventually battled through post-concussion syndrome and returned to playing baseball at the minor-league level.  But he never had the opportunity to play in the majors again.  He kept battling to get that chance, but teams just weren’t interested in giving him another shot.

Now, at the age of 31, he will get that opportunity, albeit briefly, thanks to the Miami Marlins.  (Click here to see more on the story.)

While the circumstances around the Greenberg “story” are certainly unique, it does raise an important issue when it comes to youth sports.  All too often coaches in youth sports overlook a young player because they are too “small”, not strong enough or “tough” enough—at least in the minds of those coaches.

They make a quick and often unfair determination that a particular individual can’t play or won’t ever be good enough.  They don’t look at the bigger picture.  They fail to see the potential.  They often aren’t equipped, as coaches, to identify if the young player has genuine determination to succeed, and just needs time, experience—and real coaching—to really shine.

Coaches like that miss youngsters with heart, cast away players who are late-bloomers, or ignore youngsters that bring the kind of genuine “leadership” skills that narrow-minded coaches don’t even know how to look for.  Those coaches also can’t identify a youngster who will be a real team-player, for example, and contribute to their team in a host of important ways.

It’s easy to spot the biggest and fastest players at the youth level.  Anyone can do that.  They are often born early in the calendar year, and are simply more physically advanced than many of those they compete against.  So they have a clear advantage.

Just like Greenberg is getting a second chance—albeit it is just for a day, in his case—a lot of youth coaches should not rely on instant assessments or a one or two-day tryout when looking at young players.

Too many kids with real potential - and character - get overlooked that way.

Kids need to learn “how to lose”, yes, but do we really teach them how? And do we know how to teach it?

One of the criticisms about the introduction of Long-Term Player Development (LTPD) in sports such as soccer here in Canada is that it “kills competition”.

The truth is, that is not what LTPD is about.  What LTPD does look to do is to move Clubs, coaches and parents away from an obsession with winning at the very young ages and instead, focus on ways to help each individual player develop their skills.  Youngsters who want to play purely for fun can do exactly that.  Those that aspire to a future in the sport will be able to focus on what’s really most important:  enhancing the skills they need to achieve their goals.

The above is ideally accomplished in an environment that allows kids to try things and make “mistakes” in games—without worrying that a wayward pass may cost their team a “victory” and a chance to be “promoted” to a better league next season.

Too often in sports like soccer, coaches look for (“poach” in many instances) and select for their teams the biggest, fastest, oldest (born early in the calendar year) players to build their team.  A couple of these players at U9, U10 and U11 can often create a “winning” team.  Actually developing the skills of all the players on the teams becomes an afterthought, and gets lost in translation.

What about the small player, or the late-bloomer?  Forget it.  He or she gets lost in the shuffle when winning is what really matters.

But back to the criticism of LTPD:  some opposing LTPD say that kids need to “learn how to lose” and that by taking away scores at the young ages, we are doing a disservice to youngsters who need to face these important life lessons.

Well, while we all have to learn how to handle life’s trials and hardships, it’s difficult to see why little kids at the ages of 8, 9 and 10, for example, need to deal with “losing” a game.  For anyone in sports, there is plenty of time to “learn” to deal with losing and with things not going our way.  There is still a lot of competition within the LTPD philosophy, but the focus is simply different.  If nothing else, if it helps to reduce the number of youth coaches (and parents) who scream at young players to just “get rid of the ball” or “kick it out, kick it out…” and yell from the sidelines about what the adults see as mistakes—and thereby creating undue anxiety in youngsters paralyzed by the fear of making a “mistake”—it would be a huge success.

The really sad point about critics who just can’t accept the de-emphasis on scores and standings at young ages, and who harp on the notion that “kids have to learn how to lose”, is that many of those same people clearly don’t do a very good job of actually teaching their own children how to lose.

We can say the words, “kids need to learn how to lose”, but do we really understand what we should be teaching them?  It’s way more than learning how to lose a game without temper tantrums, though that would be a start.  It’s learning how to win graciously.  It’s sportsmanship.  It’s attitude.  It’s working hard, truly doing your very best, then learning how to keep your “wins and losses” in youth sports in some kind of appropriate life perspective.

Too often we visit local soccer fields and we see parents screaming on the sidelines and coaches out of control.  We witness parents, coaches and even very young players yelling at referees, showing a total lack of respect for decisions that are made.  Some of these same parents and coaches themselves don’t know how to lose—and they are the people teaching the young athletes.

It’s easy to spot “star” players who get all puffed up when they score the winning goal, but blame others and whine when they lose, or who treat their less talented teammates as “less than”.  Is that what kids should be taught?  Who is actually helping them to learn how to be a better “winner”,  “loser”—and teammate?

Being a “winner”—as a coach, parent or player—surely is about much more than how many goals are scored in a game.  That’s part of the equation, but only part.  And so often, that message is not taught.  All the other (important) characteristics that make-up a “winner”—including being a great teammate, setting the right kind of examples, supporting teammates when they are down, respecting the opposition—are often simply ignored because our team scored at the end and we won the game.

There is much more to teaching our kids about life and coping with losing than we can share here today in this space.  But let me reiterate the point:  it’s fine to talk about the importance of kids learning how to lose.  But who is doing the teaching?  Are we simply leaving the kids on their own?  Are we adults—coaches, parents, teachers, sports leaders—setting any kind of example?  What values do we hold that we are passing along?  More importantly, what values do we actually live and model?

Are coaches getting the professional development (yes even grassroots coaches benefit from ongoing personal development) to learn how to better communicate and help kids with learning to lose—and win? Because if the individuals teaching these life lessons about “losing” are the same people who make youngsters want to quit sports by the age of 13 because their parents and coached killed the love the youngster had for their sport, then we have much bigger issues than whether LTPD discourages keeping scores at young ages.

A team-oriented reaction put the exclamation point on Canada’s Olympic breakthrough in soccer

It wasn’t just Canadians who responded to the courageous effort put forward by the Canadian National Women’s Soccer team at the 2012 Summer Olympics in London, England.  Many sports enthusiasts around the world warmed to the squad’s show of skill, determination and pride in fighting back from a less than stellar result at last year’s Women’s World Cup (and a tough loss in the semi-finals to the number-one ranked U.S. side just a few days ago), to capture a well-earned bronze at the prestigious Olympic event.

Perhaps the most touching moment of the entire tournament for Canadian supporters was the reaction of Diana Matheson, after the Canadian player knocked home the winning goal in the bronze-medal game against France in the 92^nd minute.  Matheson’s joy was certainly obvious, but her immediate reaction was to point to the front of her jersey crest.  Unlike so many athletes nowadays whose first instinct is to draw attention to themselves (even at times to the extent that they automatically point to their own name on the back of their jersey after they score a goal), Matheson’s response—pointing to the Canadian crest—was instant and obviously genuine, and sent a wonderful message to young athletes around the world.

There is an old expression, that athletes should play for the name on the front of their jersey (team or country) rather than the name on the back—their own.  This notion gets lost all too often in a sports world driven by money and ego.

But for a brief moment, when the Canadian team overcame many odds to achieve something special at a major event, a small gesture seemed to mean the world.