Lance Armstrong: so courageous, but…

It’s rarely, if ever, fair to judge something or someone when you don’t know “the facts”.

When it comes to Lance Armstrong, the public always knew about the heart-tugging and inspirational side of that story—an athlete who battled against cancer and along the way became an international superstar, a true legend in the world of cycling.

Nothing can diminish what he accomplished, in that it took incredible talent and dedication to become the athlete that he was and achieve what he did. Unfortunately though, it’s difficult to divorce oneself completely from what we continue to see, hear and read from many of Lance’s long time competitors, foes, friends and teammates.

We all recognize that athletes are under enormous pressure to succeed. Professional or amateur, from high school to the NFL, from young amateurs to the Olympics, there has been for decades now a seeming reality that since “others are doing it”—that is, taking performance enhancing substances of some description, if you want to stay competitive, you have to do it as well.

We see suspensions regularly in football, and you have to believe it’s only the tip of the iceberg. It seems illogical that only a small percentage of NFL’ers use substances, given the size, strength and speed of today’s players and the transformed bodies on display.

Baseball has been heavily impacted too, of course, over the past twenty years. We remember the admissions from the late Ken Caminiti, a one time MVP. We also well recall the hype around Sammy Sosa and Mark McGwire and their marvelous Home Run record-chase, only to realize later that both have been accused (though “unproven”, still, technically) as having taken substances for years.

Many former track and field sprinters denied, denied, denied then finally admitted “using” or were finally caught. The story is almost always the same: allegations, denials—and then more denials against increasing evidence.

Finally: guilt.

Now, Armstrong faces the same music. There have been many allegations over the years, but they have always been swept away. Now, two recent reports may prove to be far more damning: This Associated Press story http://www.tsn.ca/cycling/story/?id=366282  tells a concerning tale—if one cares whether or not Armstrong was among those athletes that may have used banned substances. An even more recent story comes from another former teammate http://sports.espn.go.com/oly/cycling/news/story?id=6571826 and just adds to the snowballing story.

Does it matter to people if Armstrong is ever proven to have “used”? Does it, or perhaps it is best to say would it change how you view his accomplishments in the world of cycling—a sport riddled with “cheaters” over the past twenty years or so?

Does it change how young people who looked to him as a role model will feel about him, or what he has accomplished, or what he says he stands for?

As importantly, should it?

It’s easy to accuse, to make allegations. But recent history in sports tells us it’s also easy to deny. Barry Bonds. Roger Clemens.
Eventually, the “truth” often comes out.

When it does in the case of Lance Armstrong, will his defenders still be standing at the gates, defending their man?

Kevin Durant: A positive role model worth knowing about

Whether or not professional athletes should or should not be thought of as role-models for our youth, the reality is those high-profile individuals are often followed and emulated by our kids.

Parents remain the most important role models, of course, but professional athletes can make a difference for the better. One such athlete is NBA star Kevin Durant of the Oklahoma City Thunder.

The young 22 year-old star presents as a genuinely humble young man, appreciative of his position in life.

Check out the link below to read more:

http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/otl/columns/story?id=6530509

Once you have read the article, you may agree that some athletes are indeed worth following—because of the example they set.

Youth coaches: What a two-day ‘TRY-OUT” may not reveal

Too many times so-called “rep”’ or all-star teams are essentially pre-picked—decided upon by the coaches (or in some cases by a coach’s son or daughter) well before a new season even begins.

Almost as unfair and disappointing is the perfunctory “try-out”, a supposed opportunity for new or previously un-seen or unknown talent to find out if they can earn a spot on a particular hockey, baseball or soccer team, for example.

Either way, these competitive teams can be a “closed shop”, essentially a little “club” or clique that doesn’t make room for newcomers, or may even make them feel un-welcome.

If you are the coach, beyond the obvious lack of fair competition that the above approach suggests, there is something else you should be aware of:  by closing your mind to new players, you may well be missing something.

Oh sure, there may be situations where a young player may legitimately be in over his or her head, where their desire to make a really good select squad may not match up with their ability—at least at the current time.  And so they aren’t ready to play at that elite level.  Fair enough.   

               

But how often I’ve seen these one or two-day tryouts turn young people away who could well have brought something important to the table. And, as coach, we decided after one of two of these “practices” or “try-outs” that they can’t cut it.

It is always frustrating to witness this.  Some good young athletes are “cut” and more importantly, some good young people are sent home too soon, without really having been given a good, long and thoughtful look.

BEFORE your next tryout, try to keep some things in mind as you begin to assess new players:

1. Have you really given them time to show what they can do?
2. Have you actually spoken with them, to see how passionate they are or why they love the game?
3. Have you put that new player in a position to succeed, or have you almost guaranteed they won’t stand out?
4. After one or two sessions, what, if anything, do you know about their heart, their desire?
5. Do you have any idea what kind of teammate they are and would be?
6. Have you spoken with any of their previous coaches, to see what you might be missing?
7. Have you considered what attributes they might bring to your squad?
8. Are you “protecting” players you already have even though they may not have the right attitude?
9. Are you really being objective, or are you being swayed by the need to do “favours” for friends?
10. Have you already promised positions to certain players?

There are many other questions that could be posed, but the idea is straightforward:  “open” tryouts, if they are promoted as such, should indeed be open.

And that includes those making the selections—they need to be truly “open-minded”…

Teaching the values of sportsmanship to young people is still important

Most parents get their children involved in youth sports for a variety of reasons – perhaps because of the health benefits of being active, learning to socialize well, or learning to play as a member of a team.

But maybe as important is the opportunity to help their child learn to become a “good sport”.

Being a good sport does not mean that a young athlete doesn't try to win. There will always be so-called “winners” and “losers” whenever keeping score. It’s natural to want to win.

Sportsmanship, though, has to do with how one competes on the field of play, and how a young athlete—any athlete—handles winning and losing and the ups and downs of being involved in sport.

Youth sports can be highly competitive—some would argue far too competitive and not always healthy. Unfortunately, adults are often times the ones who behave as “poor sports” and as their children become accustomed to the sports world around them they may well take on those negative traits as well.

The “good sports” are those who compete hard, support their own teammates in good times and bad on the field and off, and show respect for the opposition. While the aim is generally is to “beat" the other person or the other team, the objective should not be to embarrass, harass or diminish.

 Good Role Models Lead the Way

Parents are—or should be—the most important role model for youngsters in terms of day-to-day behaviour, and that can include on the field of play.

Youth coaches may not realize it, but their influence on those they coach is significant. A coach who yells at and berates players, screams at game officials and loses his or her cool when things don’t go their way sets a poor example for their impressionable young  players.

On the other hand, coaches who demonstrate patience and don’t have an attitude of “blame” set a positive example for their young charges.

Professional athletes are part of the picture as well. For better or worse, youngsters still tend to look up to and emulate the behaviour that they see and read about.

Many modern-day, high-profile professional athletes have insisted that they aren’t—and do not wish to be—role models. On the one hand this is simply an acknowledgement that they should not be put up on a pedestal by young people, because those athletes are only human and prone to fail and disappoint those who look up to them.

At the same time, while professional athletes can’t (and shouldn’t) replace good parents as positive influences, some athletes can be a positive role model. In those instances, good role models typically are excellent teammates who genuinely support other players, have a positive attitude toward the media and the fans, are involved in their community, and are respected on the field of play because of their commitment to excellence and fair play.

How to Set the Example of Good Sportsmanship

Indeed, parents, youth coaches and professional athletes each has a role to play in setting an example of good sportsmanship for young people.

Parents should be vigilant in how they speak and act in front of their youngsters.  Constant negative talk about their child’s teammates, coaches, the opposition or game officials can affect how their youngsters see the world and create in those young people some very harsh and negative attitudes towards others.

Youth coaches should regularly look in the mirror and self-reflect to ensure their behaviour is consistent with the positive values they are trying to instil. They should respect opponents both publicly and in private. They should teach skills, demonstrate patience and be consistent in how they administer discipline. They can be tough when it’s time to be tough, but should always be approachable and available when their players need to speak with them.

Professional athletes, if they care about being a constructive influence, should ask themselves how they want to be remembered by the youngsters who watch them play. Do they want to be remembered as a self-absorbed “prima donna” or as a well-rounded, thoughtful person with class?

Being a “good sport” can be awfully difficult for adults, let alone youngsters.  But that shouldn’t stop us from at least trying to set a good example.

Youth coaches: Be someone your players can trust

I heard an interesting conversation while listening to the radio recently.  The topic was youth sports and how difficult it is when a young person has to hear that they didn't make a particular “rep” or select team.

The guest was Dr. Paul Dennis, a psychologist and professor at the University of Toronto and also at York University.  I got to know Paul a bit when he was the long-time development coach with the Toronto Maple Leafs and he would on occasion invite me to give talks to young Maple Leaf prospects on topics such as understanding the media and the life skills that are part of becoming a professional.

Paul was asked about how it can be a crushing thing for the youngster to hear—and to deal with—hearing that they didn’t make a team.  He mentioned that it can also be very difficult for the parents, who of course support the aspirations of the youngster they love.

The conversation turned to how sometimes, a youth coach will tell a player they’ve made a team, but then turn around a day or so later (after perhaps seeing some new players show up for the tryout) that they didn’t make the team after all.

Paul then raised the very important issue of “trust”.  As in, how can you trust an adult when they promise you, or tell you, one thing, and then deliver something else?

It made me think and reflect on  the huge responsibility we all have as parents. When our youngsters look up at us, they want—and need—to believe us and believe in us. We sense that and do all we can to deliver not only “truth” but stand by our word to them.

When we are a youth sports coach, and those young people look up at us, they are truly looking up to us.  If they can’t trust us, can’t know for sure that our words matter, that our behaviour can be trusted, what will they feel about the world around them?  What do they learn about adults, about trust?

That’s perhaps something coaches should keep in mind, they next time they yell at a hard-working youngster for making a mistake, or think it doesn’t matter if they don’t follow up on the things they say they are going to do.

Youngsters need to see adults be fair to everyone, treat all young players with respect and dignity, regardless of playing ability.  Discipline has to apply to all.  Support for and credit to all, as well.  No playing favorites.

Character—including yours as an adult and a coach—should matter more than “winning”.  Words and behavior matter. Standing by your word matters.

 Kids will remember—for a long, long time.

And yes, trust matters—a lot.

Some reflections and thoughts for parents and youth coaches to keep in mind

Every once in a while we engage in a bit of “tweeting”! The following are some of the comments we have shared that reveal a little bit about the values we hold in the work that we do at Taking you Beyond the Game.

For Coaches

1. At the very least, the one thing youth coaches should never do is to kill the love a young player has for their sport.

2. Youth coaches should always keep conduct, character, commitment and communication top of mind.

3. Surely the job of a youth sports coach is to build the spirit, not damage the spirit, of the young people they interact with.

4. Can youth coaches actually help build character and confidence in young athletes? They can indeed, but they can also destroy confidence.

5. Kids may remember some wins and losses, for sure, but they'll really remember, more than anything, how you made them feel.

6. Are you the best youth sports coach you can possibly be? If not, step back and assess how you can be even better. The little things matter.

7. Have you ever asked your players, individually, why they love the sport? That knowledge can help make you a better coach.

8. Discipline and expectations are important, but if we're not building confidence in our players, we're not doing our job.

9. How often do you ask yourself: "What is my real priority as a youth sports coach?"

10. The real opportunity for youth coaches is not building a winning team; it's building the character in—and confidence of-all your players

For Parents

1. More than being a good player, parents need to teach their youngsters how to be a good teammate.

2. Setting mutual expectations with your child's coach before the season can save significant frustration later.

3. The car ride home is a telling sign of how you are doing-and how healthy your relationship with your son/daughter is.

4. If the youth sports experience is really "about" the kids and "for" the kids, why do so many parents and coaches behave as they/we do?

5. Our relationship with our children will last much longer than their "career" in youth sports-what memories do we choose to create?

If even one of these thoughts can help parents and youth coaches to reflect a bit, and perhaps do some things a little differently, a little better, great.

Our Twitter account is -  http://twitter.com/YouthSportsTYBG.

Spread the word!

Sports Parenting Tips – What it Takes to be a Good Sports Parent

It's pretty easy to identify "bad" sports parents—especially when it's other people acting out negatively in public. Whether yelling at their own kids or players on the other team, coaching from the sidelines, screaming at game officials, these parents create embarrassment to themselves and discomfort to those around them.

But it’s fair to ask ourselves: do we, as parents, recognize our own poor behavior?

One of the more difficult challenges for parents when their children are involved in youth sports is modeling appropriate behaviour –whether it is at a recreational or a more “competitive” level.

Sports parents have often read about the “success” and “failure” rates of elite athletes; they also know that, in reality, only a fraction of the millions of kids involved in youth sports “make” it to the professional ranks. Even earning a college scholarship is exceedingly difficult, as many young athletes seek a scholarship and relatively few earn one.

While most parents may say that it‘s not their dream, some still end up taking the entire sport experience far too seriously and cause damage to relationships within—and beyond—the family. Parents sometimes need to really self-reflect and look in the mirror and ask themselves: "Am I a good—or bad—sports parent?"

All kinds of factors come into play—unreasonable expectations, envy, comparing our kids with other people’s kids, along with that natural human inclination to “compete”, including through our own children. It’s human nature, it seems, to be competitive, but what can be done to control or eliminate certain negative behaviors?

Here are five behaviours that are counter-productive but because of the often-intense emotion involved in youth sports are often displayed—and some small steps "sports parents" can take to try to act more appropriately:

Parents Can and Should Behave Themselves at Kids' Sports Matches

It’s important to team cohesiveness for parents to think about their own behavior during game time. It’s not okay to yell at a child (your own, or anyone else’s) if or because they make “mistakes”. Nor is it acceptable to cause a problem in any fashion with team officials or referees.

If a parent has trouble controlling their temper or mouth, he/she needs to work to address it because in short, it’s a problem—especially for the children.

Also, don’t get involved with negative behavior on the part of other parents—avoid temptation to join in on the toxic chatter that can escalate about the team’s coach, for example. Parents should make it a practice to say positive things only—or say nothing at all.

As parents, and the adults, it is important not to discuss other children. It’s not up to parents who makes a certain team, or how they play, or if those parents think certain players are talented or selfish. That’s for coaches to deal with. To speak negatively of other people’s kids opens up all kinds of potential issues.

Follow the 24-Hour Rule

Every mom and dad should remind himself or herself of the 24-hour rule. That is, if a parent is upset – with his or her own child, or with a coach, wait for a day to pass and then make the appropriate effort to discuss the situation. Everyone will be calmer, and the issue may not seem so serious after all. Right after a game or practice, when emotions can be high, is usually not the right time to approach a coach.

If you feel you must address the situation with a coach, contact them later and arrange to time to meet privately and calmly to discuss your concerns.

Keep Sports Fun

On the car ride home, it’s just not acceptable for parents to spend time criticizing their young athletes. Don’t take away the fun that is essential to being involved in youth sports. This one should be easy, but for many it’s not.

Sometimes parents begin to ask questions or comment on what their child didn’t do well or correctly— the moment the child gets in the car. This isn’t constructive and it just makes the entire experience stressful and unpleasant. What’s the point of being involved in youth sports if the child is made to feel bad?

Playing a sport is supposed to be a fun and healthy activity. Constant criticism doesn’t help anyone, most importantly your own youngster.

Give Children Space to Develop Their Sporting Skills

Parents sometimes have a tendency to stay and watch at practice and this can be a great time to get to know other parents and build positive team chemistry. But if a parent just stands to the side at training and appears grim and judgmental, or says things during practice that are not supportive it might be an good idea to go home, relax and pick your youngster up after training is done for the day. Let the children enjoy the practice and the camaraderie of their teammates, without seeing a judgmental, sour-looking parent nearby

Being a Good Sports Parent

There is much more to being a good “sports parent” than the above of course. It is essential for parents to be good listeners, to be there when things don’t go well, to be able to wipe away the occasional tear, and to generally help make the experience a great one for their kids.

However, if parents don’t always do the right things, they should at least work hard to eliminate negative behaviours that make the experiences less than what they should be for their children.

So first, parents need to become aware of the basics of their own behavior. They shouldn’t be negative about anyone – other players, coaches, officials or fellow parents; they should follow the 24-hour rule; remember not to criticize their young athlete, and to give their child the space they need to learn the sport and enjoy their teammates.

Those things alone can make the experience much better for our kids.