The "Parent satisfaction checklist" regarding your child's youth coach

Surely thoughtful parents—and youth coaches—realize that there are far more important things than seeing your son or daughter’s team “win”.

Of course it’s fun to win. And, for better or worse, in youth leagues where we keep score, everyone knows who walks away from the field with the “w”.

However, in terms of what is actually important regarding a young athlete’s development and psyche, what are some of the things we should assess to determine if a youth coach is making progress with our son or daughter at those important early ages?

Here is a short checklist which might help keep things in perspective:

 Is the young player able to perform more of the essential skills than they were at the start of the season?

 When you watch your child’s team practice, is there a lot of standing around, or are all the kids active and engaged most of the time?

 Is actual instruction taking place?

 Has the coach taken the time to find out what your child really loves about the sport he/she is playing?

 Did your child’s coach meet with the team before the season started to establish joint expectations, to ensure there wouldn’t be any misunderstandings later on?

 Does your child leave practices happy? In other words, do they look forward to going to practice, and come home tired—in a good way?

 When you discuss the sport they are engaged in, is it a joyful thing for your child to talk about?

 Can you child’s coach actually demonstrate the skills they are discussing and/or trying to teach?

 Is the coach a good role-model for your son or daughter in terms of their language, behavior, attitude and the way they speak and interact with their young players, as well as game officials?

 Is the coach more concerned with winning or in developing the skills of each of his/her players?

 Is your child’s coach an effective communicator—with players and parents?

 Does the coach know how to motivate young athletes in a good way?

 Does your child’s coach make the experience fun?

Young people are involved in sports for a host of reasons. Perhaps their parents simply want them to be—or stay—active. They may love a particular sport and are “good” at it. They may just love to compete. They may even think that they want a future in the sport, for as long as they are able to play.

The one thing we don’t want to do as parents—or coaches—is to destroy the natural love the young person has for the game.

If you see you are having that affect as a parent, because of your constant criticism or attitude…STOP. Right now!

If your child’s coach helps make your son or daughter love the game even more, then that’s a huge positive.

If the coach, though, is chipping away or your child’s confidence or you see that your son or daughter no longer loves playing because of the coach, it is likely time to find a new coach.

That said, communicate first with the coach about the needs of your child. Open communication can break down barriers. A coach may be a good coach in many ways, but may not see the impact (if negative) that they are having on particular players.

Importantly, you need to understand what the coach is trying to achieve. They may be a "tough" coach, for example, but a very good and effective one.

But if they are not responsive or open to dialogue, you may have to find another situation for your child.

Solid youth sports values are worth promoting

 Perhaps if we crystallized what we try to write about at Taking You Beyond the Game it is this: we aim to  highlight values that ought to be promoted and reflected by all of us involved in youth sports.

Along these lines, many of our original articles appear on sites around not only Canada and the United States, but in many countries around the globe.

 Here are some examples of our articles available on the web:

• 
  The National Alliance for Youth Sports picked up our piece on qualities youth Coaches should strive to instill in their players 

• Our article on Soccer Sideline Etiquette for parents is featured by the National Soccer Coaches Association of America.

• Helping become better soccer parents was our profile picked up by the Carlsbad Lightning Soccer Club. 

• The importance of youth coaches working together effectively with parents before the new season starts presented by the Annandale Soccer Club. 

• Here is our podcast interview on building confidence in young players with The Ultimate Sports Parent.

We can all learn, whether we are six or sixty.  Attitudes can evolve and change for the better.  We can always do things a bit better when teaching, coaching and setting examples for our young.  There may not be too many “new” ideas in youth sports, but there are some, and we need to explore new approaches and examine and adopt “best practices”.  We need to discuss the best ideas “out there” openly and build on that and spread the word to ensure young people don’t lose their love of sport.

Young players need to have fun, enjoy the experience, but also learn about discipline, sharing, team work and the lessons that can be learned from “winning” and  “losing”.

Parents, schools, coaches, officials, Academies, Districts and Clubs—and young athletes themselves—all have important roles to play in making youth sports a great experience for everyone now and in the future.

Youth coaches and sportsmanship: another poor example

High school sports can be very, very competitive. School pride, banners, tradition, history. Longstanding rivalries that, in some cases, go back decades.

It can be exhilarating. But it can also get out of hand.

Two high school hockey coaches in Manitoba made a decision recently which led to a suspension. By allegedly asking their team to intentionally “throw” a game, the subsequent result eliminated a rival from advancing in playoff competition—a rival that apparently could have upset their championship dreams.

I first noticed the story on line at  - http://www.tsn.ca/nhl/story/?id=356486  An even more in-depth piece was posted in the Winnipeg Sun at http://www.winnipegsun.com/sports/hockey/2011/03/03/17489011.html

The issue has since been discussed in various media outlets across the country.

The offending coaches have been suspended. I wonder if people believe this type of attitude and approach, in the name of “winning” and giving your own school team a better chance to win a championship, is defensible or even acceptable? Or do you see this as yet another example of poor sportsmanship and adults setting a poor example for our youth?

Send your comments along.

When development is more important than “winning” in youth sports

The debate over how “competitive” youth sports is—and should or should not be—is not new. But it’s still a necessary, timely and valuable debate.

Where I am based, in southern Ontario (Canada), the “norm” in most, if not all youth team sports is to keep score—starting at the very earliest ages.

Importantly, sports such as soccer in this country are now (finally?) dealing with a central issue: is the notion of keeping scores and “winning” and “losing” essential in youth sports? More importantly, is it good for kids? And does it hinder—or help—their actual development in the sport?

The soccer leadership in Canada is planning to implement a plan entitled “Long Term Player Development”, based on development strategies that have proven successful in countries where soccer is far more advanced, including Australia. Many local Clubs in Canada have already begun implementing some elements of this strategy.

In short, the aim of “LTPD”, as it is now called, is to make soccer a sport that everyone, from kids to seniors, can and will want to play and enjoy—for life. A parallel strategy is to enhance individual player development through new and improved coaching philosophies and approaches that will also give more young players a chance to develop their individual skills without the day-to-day pressure of winning games. If successful, this change in approach would, for example, eliminate the youth soccer tradition (in many jurisdictions) of teams promoted and relegated, as occurs in professional soccer in most of the world.

By having a greater number of potentially elite players better improving their skills—rather than just a select few who have been identified at a very early age—the belief is that far more national-level players will be produced in our country, while still keeping the game "fun" for the vast majority of participants.

Now, the notion of “not keeping score” is one that will be debated, and should be. No new approach should just be adopted from on high without discussing the merits and the background research that ought to go along with it.

That said, my understanding of the “new” approach is that there will still be “competition” as part of skills development at the early ages, simply that winning and losing and related outcomes (promotion/relegation) will be de-emphasized, with individual skill development emphasized much more.

This seems to be a reasonable compromise, as long as young athletes are still given a chance to play, compete, improve and express themselves creatively on the field of play— in whatever sport.

One of the best defenses of the philosophy and potential impact of “LTPD” was penned recently by Jason de Vos, the one-time captain of the Canadian national soccer team. de Vos, now a commentator for CBC Sports, outlines his views and values here http://www.cbc.ca/sports/blogs/jasondevos/2011/03/the-benefits-of-no-scores-no-standings.html in a recent blog post.

Hopefully his comments will spur not only debate, but action, in the soccer community and beyond.

Awareness of risks can only help in youth sports

Youth sports are always a lightning rod for debate. The role and attitude of parents is analyzed, and properly so. The focus on “winning” versus fun and player development is the subject of much discussion. The balance between an emphasis on sports and education is always important when discussing priorities with your own children who play sports.

And there is, again quite correctly, a current concern about concussions in youth sports.

While we should not be instilling fear in our children, helping them understand and be aware on the field of play has to be a good thing. I read with interest a recent article in The Globe & Mail (see http://www.theglobeandmail.com/sports/hockey/crosbys-concussion-felt-at-youth-hockey-level/article1922939/ ) about how the Sydney Crosby concussion story is affecting youngsters and their families.

The article references the concussion suffered some weeks ago by the young Pittsburgh Penguins superstar and how young players have been impacted by that event. Concussions (and “head shots”) have been at the forefront of hockey discussions in recent years, along with hitting from behind. But that a star player—one that youngsters look up to—has been affected has generated even more awareness.

That’s a good thing.

I’ve posted here before that while we don’t want to completely overhaul a sport (hockey, in this instance) that many people love—and have, for generations—the game has evolved and can indeed be dangerous. This is especially so at the high speeds the game is played at now at the professional level, with the battle armor equipment that is worn, ostensibly for “protection”.

But the real challenge will be if we can slowly change attitudes that encourage “toughness” and aggression from very early ages. It breeds a mentality that may be useful at the professional level—where some athletes earn millions of dollars annually—but is largely out of place for the more than 99% of the young population that will not have a long-term future or a career in sport.

This attitude shift won’t be easy, and it won’t happen overnight. Perhaps the Crosby injury, as unfortunate as it is, will herald a willingness at least to modify our thinking, if only a bit.

Steve Moore and Todd Bertuzzi: seven years later

As the NHL and its fans (including former star player and current Pittsburgh owner Mario Lemieux) debate how to properly police the game in the aftermath of recent in-game brawls, how can we not think back to a terrible night in Vancouver?

In early March, it will be seven years since the awful on-ice “incident” that left NHL player Steve Moore severely injured and without a professional future in hockey.

NHL fans know what happened that night, when Vancouver forward Todd Bertuzzi’s actions spoke glaringly for themselves.

As people talk about Lemieux and his alleged “hypocrisy” in criticizing the league for not handling the recent Islander-Penguin brawl better (when his team employs a player of the ilk of Matt Cooke), it would seem the hypocrisy actually runs much, much deeper.

It rests with the attitude, forever in evidence in hockey, that the game has to be played by “tough guys”.

In an interview with the Toronto Sun just over a year ago, ex-NHL’er Nick Kypreos spoke about an on-ice incident in a junior hockey game. He was quoted as saying,

“I’m not proud to say it, but I felt like if I could kill somebody with a legal check, I would do it,” Kypreos said, reflecting on his career during a discussion on vicious bodychecking — whether clean or illegal — on The Fan 590.

“That’s how much emotion, and outside the norm (of society that a hockey player) can get ... there is no rhyme or reason.

“I have been out there and looked at another guy’s eyes and I thought ‘I could kill you.’ ”

“Bodychecking is so much more than just getting the puck,” Kypreos said in an interview following the Hockey Central broadcast.

“It can involve drawing some emotions that you’re not proud of.”

What causes this mentality? Is it the ‘macho’ reality? Payback—revenge for some earlier dirty play by the other team?

That seems to have been the genesis of the Islander/Penguins dust-up.

But I keep going back to that night in Vancouver seven years ago. In a moment, Steve Moore loses his entire hockey future. For his part, Bertuzzi receives a relative slap on the wrist. He is still playing—and earning millions.

Meanwhile, the NHL bobs and weaves between appealing to us, the masses, and our apparent desire for a continuation of hockey violence—and doing the right thing.

How can we change the "culture" of the game?  Do people really want to?

Meanwhile, we have temporary outrage.  A superstar owner speaks out.

But the hockey world wants to forget an awful incident seven years ago. The star still makes his millions while the “other guy”, a player who was never a “star”, never plays again.

And we talk about hypocrisy….and wonder if we are setting a good example for our youth?

When professional athletes set a real example

Maybe one per cent of one per cent of young athletes who start out playing a given sport make it to the professional ranks. And of those who do “make it”, not everyone becomes a positive role model that young people can look up to.

One individual, though, who youngsters can certainly look up to is Israel Idonije of the Chicago bears.

Idonije is an outstanding defensive end with the Chicago Bears, who this season made it all the way to the NFC championship game before bowing out to the Green Bay Packers. Idonije is a native of Nigeria, raised in Manitoba—an unlikely route to become an All-Star caliber NFL player.

But Idonije has worked very hard to earn what he has achieved in sport and has had a tremendous career, and along the way has contributed significantly to needy youngsters in his native country, helping to supply food, medicine and clothing.

Paul Friesen of the Winnipeg Sun wrote a fine piece recently on Idonije. It can be viewed at

http://www.torontosun.com/sports/football/2011/01/30/17086886.html

It’s a story worth reading.  It depicts the values of a young man who appreciates what “stardom” has provided and does more than just talk about making a difference.  He shows how much he appreciates his own good fortune through actions that make a huge difference in the lives of countless youngsters.