Our interview on “The Ultimate Sports Parent” podcast

Recently, I was invited to appear with host Lisa Cohn on the popular “The Ultimate Sports Parent” podcast. It was an opportunity to chat about topics relating to youth sports coaches, and some of the traits I believe are important for parents to look for in a youth coach for their child.

Here is a link to the accompanying story on their web site.

I’d like to thank Lisa for the opportunity to appear on the program and certainly recommend that parents check out their site if you haven’t already.

I’m also pleased to announce that our eBook for Youth Soccer Coaches, “A Guide to Better Communication for youth Soccer Coaches” is now available on Amazon Kindle.  Here is the link to the book’s preview page on Amazon.

We hope coaches will find the book to be a practical, useful guide!

The Incognito NFL suspension: the lies we tell ourselves when we say ‘boys will be boys’

How often do we hear, not only at the professional levels but all the way down to the youth levels in sports that, “what’s said in the dressing room should stay in the dressing room”.

In other words, anyone—adult or youngster—who dares to not conform to hazing, or refuses to tolerate abuse or mistreatment directed their way is not a “man”.  They don’t know how to “take it”.  We are all—parents, coaches, administrators, etc.—supposed to turn our heads and accept inappropriate, cruel or simply unethical and ignorant behaviour because “boys will be boys”.

That’s garbage, plain and simple.  It always has been and still is.

The latest “bullying” story comes to us not from some local amateur team, or a kids’ league, but from the world of professional football.  And my hope is that the incident (or series of incidents) which caused second-year NFL’er Jonathan Martin of the Miami Dolphins to recently leave the squad suddenly will wake people up all across the board.

After bolting the team in a highly distressed state prior to a Thursday evening game the week of October 28, details leaked out that described a series of alleged threatening behaviours on the part of one of Martin’s teammates, Richie Incognito.  While Incognito reportedly denied at first any unacceptable behaviour on his part (and the team initially tried to claim there was no proof of bullying) it was announced on November 4 that the offending player had in fact been suspended indefinitely.

What became clear over time as the investigation continued is that there had been a long pattern of abusive behaviour, including the fact that that Incognito allegedly used racial slurs in certain forms of communication when interacting on social media with Martin.

What we don’t know is whether the use of highly inappropriate racial language was what actually caused the Dolphins to suspend Incognito.

A fair question to ask is: would the team have reacted if they had not discovered proof of racially inappropriate comments?  Clearly, such actions are suspension- worthy in any walk of life, but the follow-up question is:  why did the behaviour need to get to that level before the Dolphins acted?

Surely no one, absolutely no one in this day and age would, could or should tolerate racial (or other) discrimination of any kind. But there are all kinds of behaviours, comments and actions that don’t include that awful language or type of attitude that are nonetheless despicable and worthy of not only scrutiny but of a swift and decisive response.

Bullying, as we have written many times before in this space—whether in Grade 4 or in the NFL—is indefensible and should not be tolerated.  Full stop. 

This behaviour is learned somewhere.  It is encouraged somewhere. It grows and spreads like a disease if parents and adults (who, sadly, are often at the root of how this hateful behaviour develops) don’t deal with it at the early ages.

The world is full of “real men”, to use that expression, in the world of athletics and all other walks of life, who would never and have never stooped to behaving like an entitled, ignorant cement-head with no sense of values and no moral compass.

Yet the sports world seems to somehow still embrace this age-old, archaic attitude of “what goes on the in dressing room should stay there”.  Really?  What is being hidden there that others should not hear or see?  Why can’t it be exposed?

Of course there are all kinds of good, positive characteristics that should be associated with being part of a team.  Helping a teammate when they are down, assisting them when they have personal troubles, embracing their differences when it comes to what we may feel is “the norm”. Just being a considerate, thoughtful, supportive colleague in a team environment. That’s all good.

Athletics can indeed teach us many good things.  Sports can help build character. But when I see a story like this, it just reminds me, and should remind us all, that we have a long way to go.  Society has evolved over the last hundred or more years.  Thoughtful, determined, courageous people have fought for equal rights—in every sense—for all, regardless of colour, religion or ethnicity.  We don’t accept bigotry.  We don’t allow harassment or hatred to be shown toward “groups” that had been considered minorities or unfairly isolated decades ago, whether it be women, those with physical or mental challenges, or individuals with a “different” sexual orientation than the majority.

Yet on this question of bullying—which is often rooted in group think and the worst kind of human attitudes and behaviour, including in the world of youth, collegiate and professional sports—most of us are silent.

The Dolphins have a major issue on their hands, and a simple suspension won’t rid that team of the toxicity that reportedly surrounds it.  But my guess is they are not the only professional sports team that has similar problems. It took a courageous young athlete to finally say, essentially, “I’ve had enough” to wake the sports world up.

But will people really wake up?

I have little doubt there many NFL’ers who are thinking—if not outright saying—that Martin should just toughen up, that if he can’t take it, he should do something else for a living.

And if that is really what other players think, if that is really the attitude they have and thus the example they are setting for our young people (prospective athletes or not) we have an even deeper societal problem than I suspect.  Those individuals need only look in the mirror if someone they love ever faces abuse or bullying for any reason, because their attitude has delivered the biggest, most damaging—and most toxic—message possible.

Because if that is indeed the prevailing view, how long will it take society to turn this ship around? I cringe at the answer.

Important communications tips for Youth soccer coaches!

Here at "Taking You Beyond the Game" we continue to develop and provide a series of original articles on the importance of communication between youth sports coaches, parents and their players.  In fact, for many years now we have conducted seminars for youth sports Clubs on the topic, “How you can build Confidence and Character in young players through better Communication”. 

These seminars have always been tremendously well received (a number of testimonials are available on our Prospect Communications Inc.  website) in all cases, perhaps because they provide an honest—but positive—approach to working through some of the issues that youth coaches and parents face on a daily basis.

This has led us to develop an eBook called, simply, “A Guide to Effective Communication for Youth Soccer coaches”.  The book provides a series of common-sense, practical tips and suggestions to enhance relationships but most importantly, to help build the confidence (and therefore the skills!) of developing young players.

For now, the book is only available on iPads (Apple iBooks/iTunes), but we hope to have it on other platforms very soon.  If you are interested in checking out the book’s preview page, click here (Canada).  If you are in the United States, this is the iTunes link.  Readers in the U.K. can click here.

The response we have received so far has been overwhelmingly positive.  We hope you will agree that this book delivers value for coaches and parents and as a result (and most importantly) for young players.

NFL player acknowledges selfish mistake; says it won’t happen again

Danny Trevathan, a rising young player with the NFL’s Denver Broncos, was on all the TV sports highlight reels after his team’s opening game victory this past week. But he likely won’t want to check out his own highlights.

The second year linebacker, an important part of the Broncos’ future, intercepted a Joe Flacco pass in the third quarter of the season-opening game against the defending Super Bowl champion Baltimore Ravens on September 5.  The Broncos were leading at the time and, after his impressive play on the interception, Trevathan proceeded to run with the ball toward the Baltimore end zone.  However, he started his touchdown celebration prematurely.  As a result, he dropped the ball and it ended up rolling through the end zone, costing his team a touchdown.

The Broncos were able to laugh about the miscue after the game, which they ended up winning fairly handily by a score of 49-27.  But shortly after Trevathan’s mistake, the Ravens launched a comeback and nearly got back into the contest.

Had the Ravens completed the comeback, Trevathan’s error would have stood out as the “play of the night”, maybe the play of the season—for all the wrong reasons.

Games in any professional sport are obviously very competitive.  Emotional reactions are natural and at times players will go a bit over the top in their celebrations when things go well.  That’s understandable—to a point.

For some fans, the on-field celebrations have gotten to be too much.  For others, the theatrics are part of the entertainment package.  But when celebrations detract from team success, it becomes an issue.  In this instance, Trevathan was so interested in getting ready to celebrate his personal success on a play, he didn’t conclude the task at hand—complete the interception and run it back all the way to the end zone for a touchdown.

This is not the first time a player has done this and it won’t be the last.  But it’s a reminder of the importance of staying focused on your real goal.  Celebration comes after the achievement—not before.

After the game, Trevathan acknowledged his act (focusing on the celebration before he reached the end zone) was a selfish one.  As he put it, “It was a young mistake. It’s not going to happen again.”

Denver quarterback and team leader Peyton Manning said simply.  “It was a mistake and he will learn from it.”  Hopefully that’s the message young, often impressionable athletes will take away from watching Trevathan’s early celebration.  Making big plays is great and it’s OK to feel good about success—and within limits, celebrate that success on the field.  But the team comes first, and a player obviously never wants to do anything—driven by ego or a desire to showboat—that harms the team.

Players make mistakes all the time.  In fact, at the youth level, developing players should be encouraged to try things so they will gain confidence.  In that context, mistakes are a normal part of growth—in life and in sports.  Physical errors happen in sports at all levels, including at the professional level.  But when a mistake is rooted in ego, it’s not as easily acceptable.

Trevathan won’t do it again.  Hopefully a few aspiring young players will keep his “mistake” in their own personal memory bank—and remind themselves not to follow his example if they are ever in that situation.

FIFA Grassroots coaching course an important initiative in Ontario

It was great to see that the Ontario Soccer Association, in conjunction with the Canadian Soccer Association, hosted a major FIFA Grassroots coaching course last week.

The 4-day program attracted some of the province’s most qualified coaches to participate in a program that is sure to benefit soccer-playing youngsters in the years ahead.

Ontario is in the process of implementing Long-Term Player Development, a philosophy that aims to place individual skill development at the forefront of the how coaches approach their job. 

For years, the emphasis has been, at the younger ages, on winning games.  This creates a thought process—and ultimately a youth soccer culture—whereby coaches look to recruit the biggest, oldest and fastest players at these early ages, so their ‘rep’ teams can “win” their local league and advance in the so-called pyramid of play to the best leagues.

However, that approach has often resulted in misplaced priorities as well as missing ‘late-bloomers’ and discouraging a majority of players from staying in the sport.  These are often youngsters who were attracted to the sport in the first place but have been relegated to the sidelines because they weren’t quite big or fast enough to compete the way their coaches wanted them to when they were 9, 10 and 11 years of ages.

By the age of 13 or thereabouts, they are gone from the game.

The LTPD vision, while surely not perfect, at least aims to create a different attitude to coaching at the early ages, and a more thoughtful approach when it comes to how we develop young players. 

Some kids are “stars” at the early ages, relying on being bigger and faster than their less physically developed peers.  However, they often flatten out later in their “career” because they did not get the coaching required to help them work on their actual skills.  Instead, those coaches played a kick and chase game that led to victories—but not better, more skilled young players.

At the same time, many players develop later, but by the time they do, the “system” has essentially cast them aside when it comes to consideration for provincial play, etc..

LTPD, hopefully, will change attitudes, and encourage coaches to work to help all youngsters develop their skills and stay in love with the game.  This FIFA conference is another step in the right direction.