"Taking You Beyond the Game!"

Yet another college coach leaves his hand-picked recruits out on a limb at the last second

2012-01-27T11:00:00.001-05:00

When Rutgers football head coach Greg Schiano signed to become head coach of the NFL Tampa Bay Buccaneers, it was clearly a big day for him—and a major career decision.

As exciting as it no doubt was for he and his family, it was one that left behind many others whose futures were also affected, perhaps negatively.

There is almost no good time for a head coach to leave a major college sports program. In fairness, while extremely well compensated, these individuals can also be fired at any time, so their looking out for their own future is, on the one hand, entirely reasonable.

The difficulty comes when a coach recruits a player—as Schiano had while with Rutgers—and gives recruits absolutely no indication about his possible intentions to leave the school.

Personal negotiations for that “next job” are always hush-hush, and understandably so, but if a coach recruits a player with the assurance that he, the coach, will be at the school, it does raise an ethical question—at least when that same coach turns around, without warning, and sings to coach somewhere else, either at another school or as in this case, in the NFL.

The story as reported by ESPN explains things more fully here

http://espn.go.com/college-sports/recruiting/football/story/_/id/7506907/rutgers-scarlet-knight-recruits-wait-greg-schiano-never-arrives-meeting?eleven=twelve

Like most anyone else, a coach has rights. But I do wonder where all the recruiting talk about values, being a team player and keeping your commitments goes when the person who promoted those “values” leaves town suddenly?

As the ESPN story indicated, some recruits and their families were scheduled to meet with Schiano at 8am on January 26. No one knew why he was not at the meeting.

Hours later they had their answer: He had signed to go to Tampa Bay. Rutgers would have to find a new coach, and the players Schiano recruited would have to decide if they still wanted to go to Rutgers, or look elsewhere—with “national signing day” just days away.

A tough decision for Schiano, no doubt, but an even tougher one, it seems, for the young men who had committed to spend the next four years of their young life attending Rutgers—and playing for him.

Tim Tebow: whether he’s a good quarterback or not, what matters is that he is authentic

2012-01-16T11:00:00.004-05:00

We often wonder if there are many (any?) true role models left in sport for young people to look up.

Oh, there are countless individuals in the world who quietly, privately, lead generous lives and influence youngsters in a very positive way. Those individuals rarely seek—or receive—recognition for what they do.

But when it comes to professional athletes and the example they set (as we’ve touched on here many times), it is sometimes hard not to be let down. Often the most famous athletes are not necessarily the best role models. They don’t want to be—and it may not be at all fair to expect them to be.

But sometimes you come across an individual who happens to be an athlete, successful, well-paid, high-profile and still manages to cut through the bravado, ego and clutter of that world—and who make a real difference in the lives of others.

By all accounts, one of those fairly rare individuals is Denver Broncos quarterback Tim Tebow.

Tebow’s sometimes near-miraculous run in helping his team get to the second round of the playoffs came to an abrupt end this past weekend against the New England Patriots. But in terms of what I’m writing about today, that hardly matters. The issue is not whether this young man is a great quarterback (he is a wonderful athlete—the jury is out on whether he can be a top NFL signal-caller…). People can debate that if they’d like.

But when it comes to his being authentic or not, everything I’ve seen and read about Tebow suggests he is just that: real.

This is not about religion, or his particular religious beliefs. I personally endorse his willingness to talk about his faith. Perhaps more of us should. Maybe more high-profile people with a “platform” should. The opinions on that will vary.

But this individual helps others and seems to genuinely care for others. A writer for ESPN, Rick Reilly, says it very well in this piece: http://espn.go.com/espn/story/_/id/7455943/believing-tim-tebow

The thing is, every story, every interview we hear about Tim delivers the same consistent message: this guy is authentic.

So like him as a quarterback or don’t. But when we moan and complain that professional athletes don’t “get it”, when one does, we should at least acknowledge it and not turn away and dismiss them simply because he or she expresses themselves publicly about something that we may not endorse or support.

And the truth is, it’s not an act. With Tebow, it’s not about just “getting it”. It’s who he is, which makes his impact even more special.

Penn State problems may run even deeper

2012-01-03T11:50:00.006-05:00

Many are aware of the unfortunate situation that has unfolded in recent months around former Penn State assistant football coach Jerry Sandusky. The allegations of inappropriate sexual behavior are still being dealt with through the legal system.

But it was also telling to read of a separate issue on campus to do with the state of the football team, a program that has been a source of great pride at the institution for decades.

As the school’s team was preparing for its January 2 Bowl game, it suddenly found itself in a situation where it’s first, second and third-string quarterbacks may not be available to play.

The first team quarterback had engaged in a fight with a teammate. The second-string quarterback was facing discipline because of an apparent “prank”, as his coach called it, whereby an item was taken from a store on campus.

The third-string quarterback, who has been academically ineligible in 2011, was waiting to see if he would be eligible in time for the Bowl game.

A story in USA Today details the various issues facing the team at

http://www.usatoday.com/sports/college/football/bigten/story/2011-12-19/penn-state-uncertain-quarterback-situation/52086586/1

The point here simply is: Many athletes on scholarship—perhaps most—earn their paid-for education through their talent and hard work, and show their appreciation by continuing to work hard and behave appropriately throughout their years at school.

It’s impossible to judge the individual circumstances in the case of the aforementioned Penn State players, but id does remind us that some young college athletes may not fully appreciate the privilege of receiving a “free” education—four years, covered in full in return for playing a sport.

The value of such an education, if taken seriously, goes well beyond the tens of thousands of dollars it saves the young athlete and/or their family during the young person’s undergraduate years. It potentially sets them up for the rest of their lives. Most of these athletes will not play sports professionally, but they will lead (hopefully) productive and inspired lives- anchored in part by their university and college experience.

The tragic Sandusky episode aside, it is just unfortunate to see a program at an institution like Penn State going through this kind of circumstance, where some players seemingly abuse the privileges that they had earlier earned.

Pujols departure his choice, but not a question of respect

2011-12-19T10:00:00.011-05:00

One of the things that can happen to any of us is that, when things in our life seem to go really well, we can feel a bit “heady”.

It’s that sense that we’re on top of things, maybe even on top of the world. We may feel we can do or say what we want and damn the consequences. Some may even believe there won’t be consequences.

Sports fans may be aware that baseball star Albert Pujols recently signed a 10-year, 250 plus million dollar contract with the Anaheim Angels. He decided to leave the franchise (St. Louis) where he was loved by the organization, teammates and fans and helped the team win two World Series championships.

He had already earned in his career millions more than most people would ever earn in their entire life—in the best dreams. But he decided to leave St. Louis anyway, a city considered one of the most fan-friendly baseball markets in America.

The interesting twist to the “story” is that Pujols’ wife apparently felt it necessary to publicly explain why the family made the decision that it did. Unfortunately, the explanation has left some observers puzzled, and feeling as though Albert may need what some call a “reality check”.

Here is an excerpt from the recent story published on ESPN.com

"The offer that people have seen on television I want to tell you what, listeners especially, had that offer been given to us with a guarantee, we would have the (Cardinals) bird on our back," Deidre Pujols told 99.1 Joy FM, a St. Louis-area Christian station that received some of its initial funding from Albert Pujols.

Deidre Pujols, speaking with interviewer Sandi Brown, who is her friend, said the couple initially had no plans to ever leave St. Louis or the Cardinals, the only team the first baseman had ever played for.

"When it all came down, I was mad. I was mad at God because I felt like all the signs that had been played out through the baseball field, our foundation, our restaurant, the Down Syndrome Center, my relationships, my home, my family close," Deidre Pujols told the station. "I mean, we had no reason, not one reason, to want to leave. People were deceived by the numbers."

She indicated the key moment was the Cardinals' initial offer of five years and $130 million.

"When you have somebody say 'We want you to be a Cardinal for life' and only offer you a five-year deal, it kind of confused us," Deidre Pujols said. "Well, we got over that insult and felt like Albert had given so much of himself to baseball and into the community ... we didn't want to go through this again."

That Pujols, at the age of 32 still a very talented professional, to be sure, felt a five year contract offer (worth well over 100 million dollars) was “an insult” is seemingly a perplexing comment.

It’s hard to imagine the millions of people in the United States and around the world who are out of work, or working in difficult conditions and drawing a modest annual income or taking on two jobs two stay above the poverty level, won’t find those comments alarming and self-centered, not to mention out of touch.

In particular, it is perhaps ironic that Pujols', who has clearly "done good" in the St. Louis community, in the same breath seems to set himself apart as, at the very least, being on a different level than the everyday people he apparently aids through his charitable endeavours. If he feels "insulted" by a 130 million dollar offer because it is not enough, what is the message for those youngsters- and their families- who are truly disadvantaged?

But this is the age of celebrity, and as I mentioned earlier, when things go well, people feel pretty special, and things get “heady”.

No doubt Pujols has done some important charitable things in St. Louis and will continue to do so in Anaheim. But it may now be difficult for many to see him in the same light he was seen in before these comments were made.

'No celebration' rule costs high school team a championship- a life lesson or an absurd regulation?

2011-12-08T10:00:00.006-05:00

We read with interest this week about how a high school football team in the state of Massachusetts lost a championship game because of a rule that disallows “celebrations”.

Now, many sports fans likely believe that excessive celebrations in sport have become somewhat tiresome at the professional level. Simple plays lead to fist-pumping and a range of theatrics that, depending on your point of view, are either entertaining, a part of freedom of expression, or ridiculous and overdone.

And yes, it is clear that how professionals behave impacts how impressionable younger athletes/people sometimes respond, whether on Club teams or at the high school level, for example.

This particular situation in Massachusetts occurred in a state championship game—an event that all those involved with will remember for the rest of their lives. One team scored a touchdown in the final moments of the game, a touchdown that would have given them the victory and the state championship (see original story with video clip here).

http://espn.go.com/boston/story/_/id/7327275/celebration-penalty-td-costs-cathedral-high-school-team-title

But the league rule is “no celebration”. Because the player scoring the touchdown put his hand up well in advance of the goal line, that evidently met the criteria for a “rule infraction”. There wasn’t just (as there is at higher levels of play) a penalty on the point after attempt or the ensuing kick off—the actual touchdown was nullified, as though the play had never happened.

It’s difficult to comprehend the thinking here. While we write regularly and passionately here about sportsmanship and examples of such, this, on the surface, appears to be a case where a well-intentioned “rule”—one intended to send a message and alter over-zealous and unsportsmanlike behavior—sends a troubling message.

You will note in reading the explanation from the “league”, that it says, essentially, the young people affected will have this sort of thing happen in life. That is, that those in charge will sometimes made decisions that they don’t agree with or feel is fair in life and they will have to learn to deal with decisions that go against them.

While that is inarguably true on the one hand, it covers up a different type of injustice. The other “reality” is that the play (the touchdown) was a fair play. There was no deceit, no cheating, no “holding” or other true football foul on the field of play.

Because a young person showed joy and exuberance, they were penalized. Not just penalized a few yards on the field of play, but a state championship honor that they had clearly, rightly, earned.

Those around at the time all remember Joe Namath walking off the field after Super Bowl III, holding up a single finger to show fans his New York Jets were "number-one". He was bragging, feeling proud. It was a natural, spontaneous show of emotion.

It was human.

Did he "show up the opposition"? Not really.

When teams celebrate championships they get excited. It reflects hours, sometimes years, of dedication and tireless effort to improve skills and build team harmony, all good things. A show of extreme joy is surely understandable and should not be seen as in some way showing a lack of respect for the team you competed against.

When baseball players at the major league level hit a home run to win a big game in the 9th inning, the player circling the bases is ecstatic and shows their emotion as the other team is walking of the field. Their teammates rush out to the field of play to celebrate. Again, it's natural.

Being happy is not poor sportsmanship.

Now, if this team had acted inn an un-sportsmanlike fashion throughout the game and the on-field officials had warned them and they had ignored warnings, and then the refs felt they had no chance but to make an "extreme" call on a subjective ruling, this would be a bit easier to understand.

But if that was not the case (and there are no reports to suggest that it was) are we—and more especially those who worked so hard to achieve that success— supposed to believe that life is about technicalities? That the winning play, legal as it was, never actually happened?

And how will the new “state champions” feel? They won not on the field of play, but essentially because of a “fair play” rule that, while valid on the surface, does not pass the real life test of competition here. They will always remember being “champions”—not because they earned it, though they no doubt worked hard to get as far as they did—but because a bunch of adults were trying to impose a standard of behavior that they probably couldn’t meet themselves when they were the same age.

But it’s OK to raise the bar for someone else, apparently.

Yes, sportsmanship is tremendously important. It always has been and always been in in all aspects of sports, and life. And coaches, schools, leagues and those in authority, in positions of leadership, have a responsibility to set rules that establish important values.

But everyone in the state knows who the “real” winner of the championship is. Sanction the team in some way, but depriving them of a championship they earned makes no sense.

Hiring a new coach often seems to take precedence over ethics

2011-11-29T10:00:00.002-05:00

Maybe “ethics” is too strong a word, but it has always been a concern to me when sports organizations fire a head coach and immediately—on the very same day— turn around and announce his or her replacement.

My concern?

Well, since, especially in this day and age of lawyers, agents, advisors and such realities, hiring a new coach takes a long time. Given the complexities of finalizing contractual arrangements, one thing is clear: while the now former coach was still very much on the job and trying to do that job to the best of their ability, the organization was interviewing and negotiating with their replacement.

Recent examples? In the National Hockey League, three teams have recently made changes this season—the St. Louis Blues, Carolina Hurricanes and Washington capitals. In each instance, the “new” coaches (Ken Hitchcock, Kirk Muller and Dale Hunter) clearly “knew” they were getting the jobs while the previous coach was still coaching games and running practices.

It just seems to be a deceitful way to run a business, though not uncommon in the world of high-level, “what-have-you-done-for-me-lately” professional sports. There was a similar situation that cropped up in the English soccer Premier League within the last year or so. The incoming coach was signed, sealed and delivered when the outgoing guy was still on the sidelines.

Not classy—and not right.

A glaring example, of course, is what has just happened at Ohio State with their football program. So apparently desperate was the school to hire another big-game (after they pretty much had to let Jim Tressel go this past off-season), they obviously had negotiated with Urban Meyer to be their new coach, even though the incumbent, Luke Fickell, was preparing his team for their biggest game of the season, against arch-rival Michigan.

While Meyer was denying a deal was done, it is now clear that he will, in fact (and of course) be the new coach. (Interestingly, when Meyer stepped down from his last job not even a year ago, citing health factors and claiming he needed to spend more time with family.)

Too often college coaches, for example, leave a team or program and jump ship to another, because the timing suits them, even if it leaves their former employer, players or school in the lurch. Bobby Petrino and Nick Saban are two names that pop to mind in this regard.

And, as recently as the end of the just-concluded Major-League baseball season, long-time Chicago White Sox manager was so anxious to take on his new job in Miami, that he left the White Sox on the final weekend of the season, not even fulfilling his existing contract to the end of the season. He could not wait two more days to make it "official".

So yes, sadly, it works for ways.

Is it just the way things have to be? Absolutely not. But it seems to be the way some organizations –and even institutions of “higher learning”—have to do business.

And it’s a shame.

Penn State allegations yet another wake-up call

2011-11-09T11:00:00.002-05:00

The legal charges and sexual abuse allegations against a former Penn State assistant football coach suggest, at least on the surface, a kind of classic “cover-up” on the school's part an effort to conceal the institution’s reputation and perceived integrity.

That it has taken this long for charges to be laid, again, is a concerning tale, to be sure. Many stories about the allegations are available, including this one by Michael Rosenberg at Sport's Illustrated.

It’s difficult for someone on the outside to write about this, because while there are many allegations, how does anyone on the outside truly know the “facts”.

What those of us interested in youth sports (and the lessons that adults "teach" and model) can do, though, is wonder why Penn State officials seemed so lackluster in handling the seriousness of the allegations that were apparently made many years ago.

Institutions seem to have a propensity for keeping things “in house”. And the school is not the first and likely won’t be the last institution or organization that handles things like this very poorly. But that is no excuse for inaction or looking the other way.

An accusation does not always mean that something terrible happened, of course. But my sense is, the more that is uncovered in the weeks to come, it will become clear that Penn State, as an institution of higher learning, likely failed to meet even minimum reporting standards for a case such as this and as importantly, failed miserably on ethical grounds.

We can’t always protect young people or young athletes. But surely those entrusted with caring for young students and young student-athletes on campus have a serious obligation to do their best. And if and when they can’t protect everyone, they certainly have an obligation to respond and investigate when serious questions are raised.

If this did not happen at Penn State, then many should indeed fall on their proverbial sword. Many people in Canada and the United States enjoy and support college athletics in one way or another. This kind of story, however, is a discouraging one and yet again suggests the undue emphasis on sports (and protecting those in and around big-time sports like football) too often outweighs almost everything else—including a sense of common decency.

Young athletes: never give up is still an important approach to live by

2011-11-03T10:00:00.002-04:00

After a recent NCAA football game between Notre Dame and Southern Cal, players from the winning team said after the game that Notre Dame players had essentially quit toward the end of the game. They stopped playing hard because they knew they were going to lose anyway.

In other words, they quit.

I have no idea if this is true, or not. Here is a link to one of the articles in that spoke to the allegations of Notre Dame “giving up” and how their coach responded:

http://espn.go.com/college-football/story/_/id/7163847/brian-kelly-notre-dame-fighting-irish-offends-players-apologizes-report-says

I do know that it seems to be a natural human tendency in sports, at all levels, to kind of “throw in the towel” when things don't go well, to not play as hard because the cause on that given day seems lost. Athletes won’t usually admit it, but observers can sense and see less intensity, a loss of intensity that seems to go with knowing you are “out of it”. It's probably natural to want to take the easier way out.

That said, one thing I’ve often tried to remind young athletes that I work with professionally is simply this: while it’s not easy, it is indeed important to work your tail off until the game is over, whether the “win-loss” outcome has long since been determined our not.

There are many important reasons to adopt this approach, but here are a few to consider:

Any sport you play, at whatever level, presumably you do it because you love to play. The “score” in a particular game may be discouraging, of course. But that reality doesn’t have to hinder your joy in competing, of being on the field of play, of giving your all, your personal “best”.

Sometimes, miracles do happen. When you keep fighting, breaks come often your way. What appears to be a certain loss every once in a while turns into a remarkable come-from-behind victory. It happens in life, and certainly happens in sports.

You owe it to yourself to be proud of what you do, to feel that, when you leave the field of play, you have done everything you can do play your best on that day. Even if teammates are downhearted or they may seem to be “giving up”, stay positive and encourage them. Be a true leader yourself.

In everything that you do, you represent not only your team but your Club or school, as well as your family and yourself. Playing hard and to the best of your ability to the end of a game or event does justice to the legacy that you represent and are a part of.

On a very practical level, picture this. You are playing in a game for your Club or school. Your team is getting hammered. But you continue to play hard, make plays, right to the end of the game. What you did not know is that there is a scout, a coach, a college recruiter in the stands that day. They were looking at another player, but they could not help but notice a player on the losing side, the one who simply refused to give in, to quit, despite the score, despite the lack of enthusiasm from teammates. That scout/coach/recruiter makes a note that “we need to find out more about the kid with character” on the “losing” team. That kid was you.

Again, there are all kinds of reasons to live by one of the old-fashioned mottos: never give up. I could list many more. Readers can add their own thoughts.

But for the young, aspiring athlete, you just need to pick one. And then just do it, as the expression goes. Maybe your reason is simply this: because it’s the right thing to do.

Never give up.

Hazing a sad throwback to thoughtless times

2011-10-28T10:00:00.003-04:00

There are many positive, supportive and intelligent ways in which to bring a “team” together at any level, including in youth sports. In fact, the notion of helping teammates bond together can be a very good thing indeed, in sports, in the workplace- and in life. Specifically in the sporting realm, to be successful at the elite, competitive levels, it surely helps to have a group of teammates who truly respect one another, work hard for one another and support one another—especially when things go off the rails.

That’s where true character and leadership often show themselves, by how individuals behave toward one another when things are difficult on a team.

But one part of what some people still (for some reason) see as an acceptable form of bonding is something that would never be accepted in any other setting—a type of cruel initiation commonly referred to as “hazing”.

That this still occurs in certain college, high school or youth sports settings is disturbing in itself. Surely we have reached a point where this kind of approach to creating "acceptance" or “team harmony” should be recognized as not only absurd but harmful and potentially emotionally damaging.

But every once in a while, stories surface which remind us more yet needs to be done to educate—and if that fails—simply enforce a zero tolerance policy, with strong consequences, to end this senseless behavior.

The latest incident along these lines allegedly took place in northern Manitoba. The story link can be found here:

http://www.ctv.ca/CTVNews/TopStories/20111026/hazing-hockey-manitoba-111026/

Thankfully, authorities in question have apparently acted quickly.

Sadly, some still think that, as part of some old-fashioned and ridiculous team thing, youngsters shouldn’t reveal when this type of thing occurs. But silence, under the ridiculous guise team-building and a "what happens in the clubhouse should stay in the clubhouse" philosophy, only allows the cruelty to continue.

And that kind of team-building is nonsense—and nothing else.

NFL coaches handshake tussle sets another poor example for kids

2011-10-18T10:00:00.002-04:00

We all understand that professional sports are not only “big business” but its games are played at a fever pitch by the best athletes in the world in their field. Emotions run more than a little high, and it’s hard not to be over-exuberant when one has success, or downtrodden when things don’t go a player’s way in the midst of a close game.

So it was somewhat understandable that two National Football League coaches—at the helm of franchises that been both been struggling now for many years—would be as excited as their players for the big game this past weekend in Detroit involving the Lions and the visiting San Francisco 49ers.

Former NFL quarterback (and highly successful NCAA coach) Jim Harbaugh coaches the 49ers; Jim Schwartz coaches the Lions. Both had their teams off to fantastic starts in the 2011 NFL season.

When the final whistle was blown, San Francisco emerged the victor with a narrow, hard-fought win. At the end of the game, Harbaugh raced across the field for the customary post-game handshake. His glee was evidently a little too apparent for Schwartz when they shook hands (Harbaugh gave a very animated "shake") and after the two men separated, Schwartz proceeded to run after the 49er coach, trying to catch his attention. For a few moments, it looked as though there might be an altercation, but the two were ultimately separated.

Nothing really “happened” but it was a bizarre situation. (Some may recall that, some years ago, there was an actual shoving incident in the Canadian Football League between coaches for the Toronto Argonauts and the Winnipeg Blue Bombers.) The traditional post-game handshake may sometimes be less than heartfelt (witness when Eric Mangini coached in New York and Cleveland and met with his former, somewhat estranged boss Bill Belichek after games between their two clubs) but generally speaking, both coaches do the right thing: they congratulate the coach of the other team, win or lose, and leave the field with their dignity intact.

In this instance, that did not happen. Afterwards, Harbaugh sounded remorseful for being too exuberant with his “handshake” but nothing more. Schwartz seemed to lay the blame on Harbaugh.

Regardless, it was indeed an unfortunate incident, one that sets another poor example for coaches at all levels—and for young athletes as well.

If the most “professional” coaches, supposed “leaders” in the sport cannot conduct themselves properly after a game—win or lose—no matter how intense the competition was, it doesn’t speak well about their perspective and values.

Perhaps the lesson for youth and amateur coaches must be: be humble and gracious in victory and take the high road in defeat, as well. It’s not always easy, but it’s still the right thing to do.

Can we ever truly move past “winning” in youth sports?

2011-10-11T10:00:00.021-04:00

We have written many original articles over the years (including posts on this site) on the value and importance of some old-fashioned but still relevant values in youth sports: a) sportsmanship b) what it means to be a real team player and c) why communication, attitude and behavior is important when it comes to coaching youth sports, and how it can help build confidence and character in young people.

But sometimes we wonder if people will ever be truly able to move past the absolute over-emphasis on winning at the youth level.

We still celebrate winning on a regular basis. Look at the Little League baseball World Series every August. This is not to say there is something wrong with that longstanding tradition, but it’s hard not to wonder if we haven’t left behind a trail of disillusioned youngsters who weren’t the "winners"—but were subjected to mental and verbal abuse from those closest to them in the name of trying to “win a championship”.

Name a city. Name a sport. It’s the same everywhere.

To be clear, as we often stress in the seminars we do for youth sports organizations and coaches, as parents, we've made plenty of “mistakes” ourselves. To this day (even with our four sons now adults) it’s sometimes hard to shed the competitiveness that too many of us carry as parents and/or as coaches.

Thankfully, we are seeing in some countries and in many youth sports, a renewed focus on fun and player development rather than “winning” at young ages in sports. The intent is that, even for elite players, they should enjoy their sport but also spend more time trying to improve their skills rather than playing 100 games a year and playing in as many tournaments as possible to get more “medals”.

Does that mean everything we do know is wrong? That it’s wrong to try to "win" and earn “medals”.

We don’t think so, but hopefully a new emphasis will translate into new attitudes around kids in sport. But the reality is, these things take time.

When you are a Mom or Dad (maybe not all Moms' and Dads', but an awful lot!) and you’re watching your 12 year-old daughter compete in a baseball or soccer game, for example, what are your natural instincts? In most cases, it is of course to hope that your daughter plays well, has personal “success” and that their team “wins”.

While that might well be a natural instinct, and “healthy” on one level, something else seems to have arisen through the years. That is, that generations-worth of emphasis on exactly that last objective, winning, has seemingly made it difficult to model and teach those other values and objectives we spoke of above—and are supposed to be teaching every day in every aspect of our lives: sportsmanship and the importance of acting appropriately when you are part of a “team”.

These things may sound simple, but they must not be, or there would not be so many instances, large and small, of parents going over the top, or coaches doing the same.

But it’s not always the big “incidents” that get media play or are nowadays captured on You Tube. It is the little lessons (many bad) that we model and reflect in our attitude: the comments that we as adults and supposed role-models make about kids, coaches, administrators, umpires and referees.

When we yell at a teenage referee at a soccer game for 10 year-olds, it reveals something about us and diminishes us. That is not the best “us”, and not what we strive to show our own kids, or any youngster.

And it may just send the message to kids that this kind of behaviour is OK, because it’s "sports", and competing is about trying to get an edge, to “win”.

Whenever we criticize a player on another team, it’s the same thing. Or talk about our child’s coach to other parents, it has the same effect.

Eventually the toxicity spreads—most importantly, to the kids themselves.

If you’re interested, check out some of our original articles on this site by clicking on posts of interest on the right-hand of this space.

We don’t have all the answers. No one does. But many people seem to care about this subject, and if more and more people—parents, coaches and all those involved in youth sports—can genuinely try to fight their “natural” inclinations and step beyond our own self (and sometimes selfish) interests, maybe we can slowly help change attitudes- starting with our own.

Involvement in sports can help students, but balance is key

2011-09-27T10:00:00.001-04:00

Here is a post Mary-Louise developed originally for Suite 101. It has been one of her most viewed articles on that site.

There is no question that trying to balance high school academic requirements and playing sports can be a tricky – and sometimes unsuccessful – balancing act.

Whether a young person plays for a local “Club” team or for a school team, it means time, extra practice and attention diverted away from the primary purpose of high school – learning and achieving a strong academic performance to prepare for a successful future.

At times, when a student struggles in school, one of the first things parents do is prohibit their son or daughter from playing sports. Those parents make a link between poor academic results and too much time and attention paid to participating in sports. That may well be a legitimate connection to make, in some cases. Parents generally “know their child best” and obviously seek the very best for their children as they help guide them through the often difficult teenage years.

Nevertheless, sports involvement, properly managed, can also bring many positives to their life. Importantly, that extra-curricular commitment may in fact bring tangible academic rewards as well.

How Sports Can Prepare Students for Academic Success

The following are just a few ways a student may see increased school performance as a result, at least in part, of involvement in competitive athletics. (For more in depth research read the "Relationship Between Athletic and Academic success: A Pilot Study", by Danielle Tower of the University of Connecticut.)

Youth Sports as a Confidence Builder and a Positive Social Activity

In the right environment (e.g. playing for a youth sports coach with the right values) a boy or girl can really come out of their “shell” and express themself through sport. Their confidence builds and that can be taken directly into the classroom.

There are obviously no guarantees, but when a young person is busy with stimulating (and hopefully enjoyable!) involvements like sports, there is less time to be tempted to fall off the path into relationships and activities that may lead to problems. There can be a tendency for a student who is busy through positive pursuits to be engaged, focused and self-disciplined. These student-athletes learn that they need to focus and recognize that they must lead disciplined lives. They can still enjoy themselves and take advantage of “being young”, but they will also understand that discipline can help lead to achievement and success.

Students Who Learn to Manage Time and Prioritize Will Succeed

Time management became a buzzword over the past twenty years, but there is no question it is important for young people to understand this concept as they prepare for life after school and in the so-called “real world”. Learning to balance one’s time between community involvements, school demands, social interests and proper rest and athletic pursuits pushes a young person to recognize the value of “planned time” – creating a schedule and sticking to it.

This leads to the important notion of prioritizing. A busy young person, occupied in creative and healthy activities, will need to make decisions about not only time management but will need to prioritize what is most important—and what needs to be done to complete particular tasks in order of importance.

Focus and Concentration Contribute to Being a Good Athlete and a Good Student

Competitive sports demand a high level of concentration. If an athlete can “focus” on the playing field, this may well help them understand the need to focus on school-related tasks.

Involvement and success breeds more involvement and more success. A student who gets involved in healthy pursuits will often be energized by those commitments. Success does not mean “winning” games. Success means being involved, training, working hard, being disciplined, and developing leadership skills. When a young person shows these traits in sports, this attitude and skill set are transferrable to the classroom

Athletes need to make instantaneous, quick decisions on the field of play. Sometimes they make mistakes but that only helps the learning process. How does a young person learn, if they never have the opportunity to try, make errors, and try again? In school, in business and in life in general, everyone has to become a decision-maker and sports can sometimes help youngsters develop this important trait.

Supportive and Realistic Parents Can Help their Child to Achieve Success

Parents, of course, need to understand their own child – their passions, interests and limitations. What good ever comes from forcing unnecessary demands or expectations?

In the same breath, most children need to be – and in fact want to be – stimulated, nudged, encouraged and challenged. Sports can be part of that challenge.

Parents obviously should not push their children unrealistically or make unreasonable demands. A youngster who struggles academically may still benefit from being active in sports but it may not be realistic to expect a 4.0 GPA.

To succeed in sports, most young people have to work hard. Not everyone is a naturally gifted athlete, just as most people aren’t naturally gifted students. However, the lessons learned from the gym, track, and hockey rink or playing field often provide lessons for school – and beyond.

Is “fun” a dirty word in youth sports?

2011-09-21T08:00:00.014-04:00

We came across an worthwhile piece a few days ago on the subject of “fun” in youth sports.

Now, we all say that youth sports should be “about the kids”. Who would argue with that premise? No one would, at least not publicly.

And further, we make the claim that kids should be having fun—otherwise, why would they turn to activities like swimming, baseball, soccer and gymnastics for recreation?

If something really isn’t fun-because of the attitude of coaches or parents, or because youngsters simply feel “pressure”- chances are they will gravitate away from sports and seek other options (sometimes less healthy) as to how to spend their time.

So while we all will stand up and say “it’s about the kids”, and we have to make sure they are having “fun”, that’s not always what happens in the day-to-day world of youth sports.

Former Canadian National soccer team captain Jason De Vos takes it once step further in his piece on attitudes in youth sport. (Here’s the link http://www.cbc.ca/sports/blogs/jasondevos/2011/09/fun-shouldnt-be-considered-foul-language-in-canadian-soccer.html )

It’s a piece that should be reflected upon—and discussed. We agree with De Vos’ conclusion: you can, in fact, develop young athletes well and properly (so some can in fact go on to play at the highest levels of their chosen sport) and still have fun, and enjoy the youth sports experience.

So much, though, is up to coaches—and all of us, as parents.

Notre Dame's football coach: not the best example for our youth

2011-09-13T10:00:00.006-04:00

We expect appropriate behavior from youth sports coaches in this day and age.

It’s not good enough that they just show up: we place an expectation with regard to and a value on not only the skills they have and are able to share, but their overall comportment. As in, how they behave, the example they set and the language they use when interacting with impressionable youngsters.

So it’s fair to say that the bar should be set even higher when talking about college coaches.

I was among those who thought that Notre Dame football coach Brian Kelly’s language and behavior on the sidelines during the team’s opening’s game a week ago was just plain poor, and a sad example for our youth. (I'm guessing it's all over You Tube by now...) This from an individual who holds one of the most prestigious jobs in sports and is paid handsomely to do so.

And it’s no excuse to say, as he evidently did, that he wasn’t aware he would be on television so much. Coaches are always shown on television, and everyone knows it—Kelly included.

Kelly came to Notre Dame after what I thought was a less than forthcoming departure from his previous school (see my earlier blog post on our Prospect Communications site). He handled that situation very poorly, as well.

While I understand that the focus is always on “winning” at the NCAA level, surely any school, and one would think Notre Dame as an academic institution, believes in values, too.

I wonder how many parents of young prospective Notre Dame student-athletes saw Kelly on television and wondered, “is that going to be the right environment for my son…?”

Forget their current (0 and 2) record; this latest episode makes one wonder if the school got the “right guy” when they were looking for a new coach less than two years ago.

What youth sports can be….

2011-09-06T15:00:00.007-04:00

On this site, we write about the values that we try to promote when we do our day-to-day advisory work with clients through our firm, Prospect Communications Inc.

It’s easy to use phrases like teamwork, real team-player, good communication and positive values but much harder to not only discuss but actually live the kind of values that make youth sports a great experience for the very people they are there for: our kids.

We noticed an article in the National Post over the Labour Day weekend. It is entitled, simply: "What youth sports can do. The true sports report".

One excerpt in particular caught our eye. It reads as follows:

The vast majority of Canadians (nine out of 10) recognize that community sport can be an enormous force for good – and they want it to be. But they are also very concerned that sport is falling far short of its potential. They are worried about too much aggression, cheating and unfair behaviour. They are worried about win-at-any-cost attitudes and that too many young people are leaving sport for the wrong reasons. They are worried about the negative behaviour of a fraction of parents who make it difficult for everyone else and they are worried about the influence of commercial sport values on the values of community sport.

Here's the link to the full story in the National Post

Words alone can’t do it. But if we act on some of the basic ideas presented in this article, then coaches, parents, as well as youth and amateur sports administrators—those who are truly the caregivers and the gate-keepers of youth sports—can continue to take the steps needed to keep sports fun and a wonderful experience for all of our kids.

We won't always get it right, but we can aim high.

Too much competition, too soon?

2011-08-30T15:00:00.002-04:00

There will always be debate about when young kids who participate in youth sports should (if ever) start taking it “seriously”?

Like most people, I’ve been to hockey rinks and soccer fields where kids barely old enough to run, it seems are competing against one another, to see who wins and loses a game.

The focus seems to be on “winning”, not developing skills or just good old-fashioned enjoyment.

When I was a youngster, back in the late 1950s and early ‘60s, I lived in a very small town. We had a lot of “pick-up” games. My sports were baseball and hockey. In winter, we would get together on weekends and grab a big snow shovel, clear off a patch on the river that wound its way through and around our small village—and play.

Same in the summer. Whoever was available would get together, all ages, and play at our local ball diamond. Everyone was welcome. Younger kids got the slower pitches to hit. Bigger kids faced a bit more of a challenge.

Of course, the world has changed and we are much more “organized” about the way we view and handle youth sports. Some of that is good. There is (usually) better coaching, more safety awareness, just generally more education around sport.

At the same time, we have lost some spontaneity, for sure, as kids are often pushed into highly competitive situations. Many “burn out” quite young.

In short, because of parents, coaches, too many tournaments or just too much pressure, they quit. They lose the natural love they once had for the sport.

While I don’t agree with all the views expressed in the following piece from a writer at ESPN, it’s a worthwhile read:

http://espn.go.com/espn/commentary/story/_/page/keown-110823/elite-travel-baseball-basketball-teams-make-youth-sports-industrial

It never hurts to look in the mirror and see if our own values around youth sport need some re-adjusting…

Young athletes need to be aware of the risks of Twitter use

2011-08-26T15:00:00.001-04:00

There are so many examples of the challenges of using “twitter” properly that it’s difficult to pick just a few.

But just recently, a well-known Canadian Football League player, Henry Burris of the Calgary Stampeders (who previously played for the Chicago Bears in the NFL), was alleged to have used some highly inappropriate language on his Twitter account.

Burris denied that it was him, the suggestion being that his account must have been “hacked” in some fashion.

As this story was unfolding, a Mississippi State NCAA football player was thrown off the team (and presumably saw his scholarship taken away) when he publicly blasted a coaches’ decision to redshirt him (which essentially meant he would sit out the upcoming college season and not play until next year) via his Twitter account.

Society has fought for freedom of expression, and that is a precious right. And Twitter and related social media tools give everyone—whether in business, entertainment, politics or on a personal level—a wonderful opportunity to share views, opinions and express themselves in interesting and often creative ways about matters important and not so important.

But we all, especially young athletes in the public eye who may find this kind of freedom of expression platform awfully tempting, still need to understand the power of the words that we use and the impact—sometimes negative—they can have.

Unfortunately, those words will sometime boomerang back against us, and cause unnecessary harm.

In a world where communication has become almost too easy at times, when it comes to social media especially, it’s wise to think twice, and maybe three times, before we “hit” the send button…

Teamwork matters—whether in youth sports or the pro game

2011-08-16T09:00:00.003-04:00

We often post here on what may seem old-fashioned values in youth sports: character, sportsmanship and yes, teamwork.

So it was interesting to see an article online this by the respected columnist Peter King of Sports Illustrated. He writes about the Green Bay Packer organization, and the values it tries to uphold. Of course, Green Bay won the National Football League Super Bowl championship at the end of the 2010 season and as importantly, presides over a heritage that has included names like Curly Lambeau, Vince Lombardi and Hall-of-Famer Bart Starr.

Now, the organization is run under the direction of General Manager Ted Thompson and Head coach Mike McCarthy. The team leader is quarterback Aaron Rodgers.

Rodgers was supposed to be a very high first-round selection in his draft some years ago. But he was passed-over by several teams in what became a potentially devastating and ego-deflating moment.

Then came three years of sitting on the bench, before the opportunity to start and progress as a professional player. Yet his work ethic, attitude and leadership eventually helped lead his team to a championship just a few short months ago.

King highlights a refreshing outlook and attitude in his post:

"It's funny,'' Aaron Rodgers told me. "When I was sitting in that Green Room at the draft in New York, and I was dropping, and no one would pick me, the last thing I was thinking was it was a good thing. But I'm glad I got to fall way down. I should be here. It's the place for me. The game is bigger than us. The team is more than us. It's a community team, blue-collar and understated and not at all about self-glorification. Vince Lombardi put it that way: Winning is the only thing that matters. It's about the team.''

We're in a me-first era. In most places maybe, but not in Green Bay. Not with Thompson and McCarthy and Rodgers, the leaders of this group. I have no idea if they'll repeat (a dirty word to McCarthy, who thinks every year is a new year with new players), but I do know they've created a model that every youth coach, every high school coach, every college coach and, yes, a whole lot of pro coaches would be smart to emulate. It's not just something they say in front of the minicams, and then sneak off to New York to make a commercial for Visa. It's who they are.

It’s not fair, perhaps, to expect youngsters to have that mature an attitude at an early age. Rodgers himself had to grow in terms of humility and self-awareness—and he was a grown man, an adult.

But youth coaches can certainly share this kind of article by Peter King with their young players, if only to shed some light on at least one aspect of what it means to be a “team” player.

Jim Thome: On being a professional

2011-08-09T15:00:00.003-04:00

We all have heard the expression “he (or she) is an even better person than they are an athlete....”.

Sometimes, it’s an exaggeration. But in the case of Jim Thome, the long-time major-league baseball player, it may just be accurate.

Thome has been in the game at the major-league level since the early 1990s. He has played through the infamous steroid era, though he has never been one of those players associated with performance enhancing drugs. He is a power hitter, but his power by all accounts is "natural". He was raised, if I’m not mistaken, in a small farming community, and built his strength working at home.

I’ve always heard that Thome is a genuine person. But an article this week at ESPN.com verified that, beyond his rather significant exploits on the field (he has hit almost 600 home runs, a staggering total) he sets a tremendous example for all of us, including young athletes, because of the way be behaves off the field.

If you have a moment, read the following piece from Buster Olney at http://insider.espn.go.com/mlb/blog?name=olney_buster&id=6846332

It sheds some light on an interesting professional athlete who may be one of the relatively few who truly puts himself in the shoes of others.

Young athletes who aspire to be "pros" but don't really know it it means would do well to emulate Thome.

NFL star James Harrison and a lesson about being a teammate

2011-07-18T11:00:00.019-04:00

James Harrison of the National Football League Pittsburgh Steelers is one of the top defensive players in his profession. Though not drafted out of college, he has gone on to a stellar career on one of the league’s top teams. He is a rugged, talented player.

In a recent interview with Men’s Journal Magazine, Harrison reveals his views on the commissioner of the league, some former players-turned broadcasters and, maybe most importantly, his own teammates.

Now, professional athletes, like the rest of us, have every right to express their opinions on all kinds of subjects. The thing that caught my attention, though, as someone involved in youth sports for many years, were his specific comments about two teammates, running back Rashard Mendenhall and quarterback Ben Roethlisberger. He apparently blamed them in part for the Steelers losing a Super Bowl a few years back.

The Associated Press picked up excerpts from the original story, including the following comments:

Harrison also criticizes other NFL executives, Patriots-turned-commentators Rodney Harrison and Tedy Bruschi (“clowns’’), Houston’s Brian Cushing (“juiced out of his mind’’) - and even teammates Rashard Mendenhall and Ben Roethlisberger for their performances in the Super Bowl loss.

Harrison calls the running back a “fumble machine’’ for his fourth-quarter turnover.

Mendenhall said on Twitter yesterday he didn’t have a problem with what Harrison said “because I know him.’’ But he also included a link to his stats from last season, which show he didn’t have a pattern of fumbling.

Of the quarterback’s two interceptions, Harrison says: “Hey, at least throw a pick on their side of the field instead of asking the D to bail you out again. Or hand the ball off and stop trying to act like Peyton Manning. You ain’t that and you know it, man; you just get paid like he does.’’

Again, everyone is entitled to their views. Star athletes tend to have a broader platform than the rest of us, and some use it well. Others not so well.

I don’t have any noteworthy views on the rest of the article (again, like everyone, athletes can absolutely express their views freely on all kinds of subjects) but when it comes to talking about teammates, when a pro athlete criticizes in the way Harrison evidently did, it is a concern.

In youth sports we try to encourage not only the importance of being part of a team, but what it means to actually be a good teammate. Going after your fellow players in print is not a good thing and sets an unfortunate example. Too many youngsters (and people in general) are already well prepared to "blame someone else" when their team struggles.

Harrison has quickly apologized for some of his comments, which is good to see. Hopefully his message, if given the chance when speaking with impressionable youngsters, will be that blaming others for defeat is not appropriate. Good teammates simply don’t do that—at any age, at any level of play.

Canada’s Christine Sinclair sets an example of courage on the field

2011-06-28T13:00:00.005-04:00

Medical specialists have quite rightly grown increasingly concerned in recent years about the rise in concussion-related injuries in sports, from the professional ranks on through to the youth sports arena.

We know more about injuries, concussions and proper precautions and treatment than we did in previous generations, thankfully. But many sports are played with such intensity (sometimes with bigger-than-ever-before athletes) and at such fast speeds that injuries are bound to occur.

Athletes—and coaches and trainers along with parents, at the youth level—have to be aware and be vigilant, for sure.

That said, people still seem to love the sports stories when an athlete fights through pain and returns to the field of play—whether it’s a baseball diamond, a basketball court or in hockey, the ice.

The recent exploits of Canadian national women’s team captain Christine Sinclair has set the bar pretty high for athletes fighting through physical adversity. After having her nose re-located by an opponents’ flying elbow in the opening game of the ongoing Women’s World Cup, the Canadian international returned to score a brilliant goal—the highlight of the early going in the event that is played out on the biggest stage there is for women’s soccer.

There are many great stories (true stories) of sporting legends who left their mark in part because of their courageous efforts, returning to battle after a serious injury. Examples?

Willis Reed played essentially on one leg in Game 7 of the 1970 NBA finals against the LA Lakers. (After being unable to even warm up, he limped onto the court just before game time). Then there was Kirk Gibson of the Dodgers hitting a game-winning pinch-hit home run in the 1988 World Series when he could barely stand up, much less run, because he was in so much pain.

I could cite many other examples, but Sinclair’s heroics in a losing cause will obviously be remembered for a long, long time to come and will rank right up there with the exploits of other great athletes before her. (It may also dispel the notion that women’s sports somehow don’t measure up to what “the men” can do…)

The message for young people is not to play when you are at medical risk. Rather, it is that, when things get tough (and that can mean a lot of things in life and in sports), how will you react?

Will you get back up after being knocked down and keep plugging, keep working, keeping believing in yourself?

Or will you walk away, let discouragement take over and maybe even quit—on an opportunity, on teammates or possibly even yourself.

Those that keep fighting and believing in themselves have a bright future. Sinclair’s on-field example should prove a bit of extra inspiration for many of us, young and old.

The youth sports lesson in the Mavs win over the Miami Heat

2011-06-13T13:00:00.002-04:00

When LeBron James and Chris Bosh took advantage of their free agent status last summer and signed with their friend Dwayne Wade and the Miami Heat, most of us probably assumed it was the beginning of a ”dynasty”.

That may still come to pass, but for now, many sports fans are reveling in the fact that an industrious, hard-working, team-oriented group of players have just earned an NBA championship, rather than the star-studded Heat.

No doubt there is also an “anti-Miami” sentiment as well—fans, perhaps fairly, feeling that justice was done because the Mavericks won the title, not the team built on the perceived selfish whims of a few individual stars.

For me, the point of emphasis is more that players often want to go somewhere to “win”, which on the surface, sounds reasonable.

But in many cases, what it really says to the public, and to young fans is, “I don’t think enough of my current teammates to stay here and help them, and my current team/franchise, get better…”

I sometimes wonder what happened to the idea of leadership in professional sports. Oh, there are some tremendous leaders, for sure, and athletes who set a fine example for our young people. I’ve posted about some of those individuals here in the past.

But many seem to believe that the grass is greener elsewhere. That said, why not stay and help make your current organization better?

LeBron James, a remarkable talent to be sure, was just as close to a title in Cleveland as he is now, without all the other “superstars” around him. Had he stayed, who knows, Cleveland might have remained a fine team and contended in the same way the Heat did in the just-concluded season.

Now, he has to deal with everyone wanting the ball at the same time (always a challenge, it seems, in basketball) in a sea of “stars”.

It may be a long summer of discontent in Miami, despite the many millions each of the former free agents is earning, because they didn’t get what they claim they wanted most of all: a championship.

No, the grass is not always greener…

So from my perspective, the message for youth coaches and young athletes is: don’t look around and judge your teammates. Make the best of your situation. Be a good teammate. Think about what it means to be a team player. If you’re a “star”, help those around you to become better players, rather than criticize or belittle them to their face or behind their back. Accept the challenge of making your current team better. Show real character.

You may just find that that is one of the definitions of true leadership, and more than just attaining more “wins”, you will earn what most of us seek but have to truly earn: the respect of others.

And certain "pros" may just learn something from your example…

The challenges of being so good, so young, in sports

2011-06-07T16:00:00.003-04:00

I’ve often written here about the values that many of us—as parents, coaches, adults and life skills advisors, or just those who are simply in a position to positively influence young people—believe are important.

Old-time values still matter: respect for teammates and coaches, being a true team player. Attitude and hard work can overcome a lot, even sometimes not having the most “talent”.

It’s also a challenge for the supremely talented, those whose skills are so exceptional that they are, essentially, way ahead of everybody else on the natural ability curve.

Sometimes talent seems to override everything, and those around you make it easy to forget that real humility (not the false kind) is actually an important part of character development. Why? They keep telling the young athlete how good they are, and soon, in some cases, it’s hard not to see yourself as better than, as above everyone else.

I just noticed an interesting piece this week by a long-time major league baseball General Manager, Jim Bowden, now an analyst with ESPN. He writes on the ups and downs of last year’s first overall (2010) selection in the annual summertime baseball amateur draft, Bryce Harper.

The articles raises some important issues for a lot of us involved in youth sports. Here is the link:

http://espn.go.com/blog/the-gms-office/post/_/id/281/immaturity-could-hold-bryce-harper-back

Lance Armstrong: so courageous, but…

2011-05-23T15:00:00.003-04:00

It’s rarely, if ever, fair to judge something or someone when you don’t know “the facts”.

When it comes to Lance Armstrong, the public always knew about the heart-tugging and inspirational side of that story—an athlete who battled against cancer and along the way became an international superstar, a true legend in the world of cycling.

Nothing can diminish what he accomplished, in that it took incredible talent and dedication to become the athlete that he was and achieve what he did. Unfortunately though, it’s difficult to divorce oneself completely from what we continue to see, hear and read from many of Lance’s long time competitors, foes, friends and teammates.

We all recognize that athletes are under enormous pressure to succeed. Professional or amateur, from high school to the NFL, from young amateurs to the Olympics, there has been for decades now a seeming reality that since “others are doing it”—that is, taking performance enhancing substances of some description, if you want to stay competitive, you have to do it as well.

We see suspensions regularly in football, and you have to believe it’s only the tip of the iceberg. It seems illogical that only a small percentage of NFL’ers use substances, given the size, strength and speed of today’s players and the transformed bodies on display.

Baseball has been heavily impacted too, of course, over the past twenty years. We remember the admissions from the late Ken Caminiti, a one time MVP. We also well recall the hype around Sammy Sosa and Mark McGwire and their marvelous Home Run record-chase, only to realize later that both have been accused (though “unproven”, still, technically) as having taken substances for years.

Many former track and field sprinters denied, denied, denied then finally admitted “using” or were finally caught. The story is almost always the same: allegations, denials—and then more denials against increasing evidence.

Finally: guilt.

Now, Armstrong faces the same music. There have been many allegations over the years, but they have always been swept away. Now, two recent reports may prove to be far more damning: This Associated Press story http://www.tsn.ca/cycling/story/?id=366282 tells a concerning tale—if one cares whether or not Armstrong was among those athletes that may have used banned substances. An even more recent story comes from another former teammate http://sports.espn.go.com/oly/cycling/news/story?id=6571826 and just adds to the snowballing story.

Does it matter to people if Armstrong is ever proven to have “used”? Does it, or perhaps it is best to say would it change how you view his accomplishments in the world of cycling—a sport riddled with “cheaters” over the past twenty years or so?

Does it change how young people who looked to him as a role model will feel about him, or what he has accomplished, or what he says he stands for?

As importantly, should it?

It’s easy to accuse, to make allegations. But recent history in sports tells us it’s also easy to deny. Barry Bonds. Roger Clemens.
Eventually, the “truth” often comes out.

When it does in the case of Lance Armstrong, will his defenders still be standing at the gates, defending their man?

Kevin Durant: A positive role model worth knowing about

2011-05-16T02:00:00.003-04:00

Whether or not professional athletes should or should not be thought of as role-models for our youth, the reality is those high-profile individuals are often followed and emulated by our kids.

Parents remain the most important role models, of course, but professional athletes can make a difference for the better. One such athlete is NBA star Kevin Durant of the Oklahoma City Thunder.

The young 22 year-old star presents as a genuinely humble young man, appreciative of his position in life.

Check out the link below to read more:

http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/otl/columns/story?id=6530509

Once you have read the article, you may agree that some athletes are indeed worth following—because of the example they set.

Youth coaches: What a two-day ‘TRY-OUT” may not reveal

2011-05-09T11:14:00.002-04:00

Too many times so-called “rep”’ or all-star teams are essentially pre-picked—decided upon by the coaches (or in some cases by a coach’s son or daughter) well before a new season even begins.

Almost as unfair and disappointing is the perfunctory “try-out”, a supposed opportunity for new or previously un-seen or unknown talent to find out if they can earn a spot on a particular hockey, baseball or soccer team, for example.

Either way, these competitive teams can be a “closed shop”, essentially a little “club” or clique that doesn’t make room for newcomers, or may even make them feel un-welcome.

If you are the coach, beyond the obvious lack of fair competition that the above approach suggests, there is something else you should be aware of: by closing your mind to new players, you may well be missing something.

Oh sure, there may be situations where a young player may legitimately be in over his or her head, where their desire to make a really good select squad may not match up with their ability—at least at the current time. And so they aren’t ready to play at that elite level. Fair enough.

But how often I’ve seen these one or two-day tryouts turn young people away who could well have brought something important to the table. And, as coach, we decided after one of two of these “practices” or “try-outs” that they can’t cut it.

It is always frustrating to witness this. Some good young athletes are “cut” and more importantly, some good young people are sent home too soon, without really having been given a good, long and thoughtful look.

BEFORE your next tryout, try to keep some things in mind as you begin to assess new players:

Have you really given them time to show what they can do?
Have you actually spoken with them, to see how passionate they are or why they love the game?
Have you put that new player in a position to succeed, or have you almost guaranteed they won’t stand out?
After one or two sessions, what, if anything, do you know about their heart, their desire?
Do you have any idea what kind of teammate they are and would be?
Have you spoken with any of their previous coaches, to see what you might be missing?
Have you considered what attributes they might bring to your squad?
Are you “protecting” players you already have even though they may not have the right attitude?
Are you really being objective, or are you being swayed by the need to do “favours” for friends?
Have you already promised positions to certain players?

There are many other questions that could be posed, but the idea is straightforward: “open” tryouts, if they are promoted as such, should indeed be open.

And that includes those making the selections—they need to be truly “open-minded”…

Teaching the values of sportsmanship to young people is still important

2011-05-03T18:00:00.000-04:00

Most parents get their children involved in youth sports for a variety of reasons – perhaps because of the health benefits of being active, learning to socialize well, or learning to play as a member of a team.

But maybe as important is the opportunity to help their child learn to become a “good sport”.

Being a good sport does not mean that a young athlete doesn't try to win. There will always be so-called “winners” and “losers” whenever keeping score. It’s natural to want to win.

Sportsmanship, though, has to do with how one competes on the field of play, and how a young athlete—any athlete—handles winning and losing and the ups and downs of being involved in sport.

Youth sports can be highly competitive—some would argue far too competitive and not always healthy. Unfortunately, adults are often times the ones who behave as “poor sports” and as their children become accustomed to the sports world around them they may well take on those negative traits as well.

The “good sports” are those who compete hard, support their own teammates in good times and bad on the field and off, and show respect for the opposition. While the aim is generally is to “beat" the other person or the other team, the objective should not be to embarrass, harass or diminish.

Good Role Models Lead the Way

Parents are—or should be—the most important role model for youngsters in terms of day-to-day behaviour, and that can include on the field of play.

Youth coaches may not realize it, but their influence on those they coach is significant. A coach who yells at and berates players, screams at game officials and loses his or her cool when things don’t go their way sets a poor example for their impressionable young players.

On the other hand, coaches who demonstrate patience and don’t have an attitude of “blame” set a positive example for their young charges.

Professional athletes are part of the picture as well. For better or worse, youngsters still tend to look up to and emulate the behaviour that they see and read about.

Many modern-day, high-profile professional athletes have insisted that they aren’t—and do not wish to be—role models. On the one hand this is simply an acknowledgement that they should not be put up on a pedestal by young people, because those athletes are only human and prone to fail and disappoint those who look up to them.

At the same time, while professional athletes can’t (and shouldn’t) replace good parents as positive influences, some athletes can be a positive role model. In those instances, good role models typically are excellent teammates who genuinely support other players, have a positive attitude toward the media and the fans, are involved in their community, and are respected on the field of play because of their commitment to excellence and fair play.

How to Set the Example of Good Sportsmanship

Indeed, parents, youth coaches and professional athletes each has a role to play in setting an example of good sportsmanship for young people.

Parents should be vigilant in how they speak and act in front of their youngsters. Constant negative talk about their child’s teammates, coaches, the opposition or game officials can affect how their youngsters see the world and create in those young people some very harsh and negative attitudes towards others.

Youth coaches should regularly look in the mirror and self-reflect to ensure their behaviour is consistent with the positive values they are trying to instil. They should respect opponents both publicly and in private. They should teach skills, demonstrate patience and be consistent in how they administer discipline. They can be tough when it’s time to be tough, but should always be approachable and available when their players need to speak with them.

Professional athletes, if they care about being a constructive influence, should ask themselves how they want to be remembered by the youngsters who watch them play. Do they want to be remembered as a self-absorbed “prima donna” or as a well-rounded, thoughtful person with class?

Being a “good sport” can be awfully difficult for adults, let alone youngsters. But that shouldn’t stop us from at least trying to set a good example.

Youth coaches: Be someone your players can trust

2011-04-25T08:00:00.006-04:00

I heard an interesting conversation while listening to the radio recently. The topic was youth sports and how difficult it is when a young person has to hear that they didn't make a particular “rep” or select team.

The guest was Dr. Paul Dennis, a psychologist and professor at the University of Toronto and also at York University. I got to know Paul a bit when he was the long-time development coach with the Toronto Maple Leafs and he would on occasion invite me to give talks to young Maple Leaf prospects on topics such as understanding the media and the life skills that are part of becoming a professional.

Paul was asked about how it can be a crushing thing for the youngster to hear—and to deal with—hearing that they didn’t make a team. He mentioned that it can also be very difficult for the parents, who of course support the aspirations of the youngster they love.

The conversation turned to how sometimes, a youth coach will tell a player they’ve made a team, but then turn around a day or so later (after perhaps seeing some new players show up for the tryout) that they didn’t make the team after all.

Paul then raised the very important issue of “trust”. As in, how can you trust an adult when they promise you, or tell you, one thing, and then deliver something else?

It made me think and reflect on the huge responsibility we all have as parents. When our youngsters look up at us, they want—and need—to believe us and believe in us. We sense that and do all we can to deliver not only “truth” but stand by our word to them.

When we are a youth sports coach, and those young people look up at us, they are truly looking up to us. If they can’t trust us, can’t know for sure that our words matter, that our behaviour can be trusted, what will they feel about the world around them? What do they learn about adults, about trust?

That’s perhaps something coaches should keep in mind, they next time they yell at a hard-working youngster for making a mistake, or think it doesn’t matter if they don’t follow up on the things they say they are going to do.

Youngsters need to see adults be fair to everyone, treat all young players with respect and dignity, regardless of playing ability. Discipline has to apply to all. Support for and credit to all, as well. No playing favorites.

Character—including yours as an adult and a coach—should matter more than “winning”. Words and behavior matter. Standing by your word matters.

Kids will remember—for a long, long time.

And yes, trust matters—a lot.

Some reflections and thoughts for parents and youth coaches to keep in mind

2011-04-18T13:00:00.013-04:00

Every once in a while we engage in a bit of “tweeting”! The following are some of the comments we have shared that reveal a little bit about the values we hold in the work that we do at Taking you Beyond the Game.

For Coaches

1. At the very least, the one thing youth coaches should never do is to kill the love a young player has for their sport.

2. Youth coaches should always keep conduct, character, commitment and communication top of mind.

3. Surely the job of a youth sports coach is to build the spirit, not damage the spirit, of the young people they interact with.

4. Can youth coaches actually help build character and confidence in young athletes? They can indeed, but they can also destroy confidence.

5. Kids may remember some wins and losses, for sure, but they'll really remember, more than anything, how you made them feel.

6. Are you the best youth sports coach you can possibly be? If not, step back and assess how you can be even better. The little things matter.

7. Have you ever asked your players, individually, why they love the sport? That knowledge can help make you a better coach.

8. Discipline and expectations are important, but if we're not building confidence in our players, we're not doing our job.

9. How often do you ask yourself: "What is my real priority as a youth sports coach?"

10. The real opportunity for youth coaches is not building a winning team; it's building the character in—and confidence of-all your players

For Parents

1. More than being a good player, parents need to teach their youngsters how to be a good teammate.

2. Setting mutual expectations with your child's coach before the season can save significant frustration later.

3. The car ride home is a telling sign of how you are doing-and how healthy your relationship with your son/daughter is.

4. If the youth sports experience is really "about" the kids and "for" the kids, why do so many parents and coaches behave as they/we do?

5. Our relationship with our children will last much longer than their "career" in youth sports-what memories do we choose to create?

If even one of these thoughts can help parents and youth coaches to reflect a bit, and perhaps do some things a little differently, a little better, great.

Our Twitter account is - http://twitter.com/YouthSportsTYBG.

Spread the word!

Sports Parenting Tips – What it Takes to be a Good Sports Parent

2011-04-11T14:45:00.001-04:00

It's pretty easy to identify "bad" sports parents—especially when it's other people acting out negatively in public. Whether yelling at their own kids or players on the other team, coaching from the sidelines, screaming at game officials, these parents create embarrassment to themselves and discomfort to those around them.

But it’s fair to ask ourselves: do we, as parents, recognize our own poor behavior?

One of the more difficult challenges for parents when their children are involved in youth sports is modeling appropriate behaviour –whether it is at a recreational or a more “competitive” level.

Sports parents have often read about the “success” and “failure” rates of elite athletes; they also know that, in reality, only a fraction of the millions of kids involved in youth sports “make” it to the professional ranks. Even earning a college scholarship is exceedingly difficult, as many young athletes seek a scholarship and relatively few earn one.

While most parents may say that it‘s not their dream, some still end up taking the entire sport experience far too seriously and cause damage to relationships within—and beyond—the family. Parents sometimes need to really self-reflect and look in the mirror and ask themselves: "Am I a good—or bad—sports parent?"

All kinds of factors come into play—unreasonable expectations, envy, comparing our kids with other people’s kids, along with that natural human inclination to “compete”, including through our own children. It’s human nature, it seems, to be competitive, but what can be done to control or eliminate certain negative behaviors?

Here are five behaviours that are counter-productive but because of the often-intense emotion involved in youth sports are often displayed—and some small steps "sports parents" can take to try to act more appropriately:

Parents Can and Should Behave Themselves at Kids' Sports Matches

It’s important to team cohesiveness for parents to think about their own behavior during game time. It’s not okay to yell at a child (your own, or anyone else’s) if or because they make “mistakes”. Nor is it acceptable to cause a problem in any fashion with team officials or referees.

If a parent has trouble controlling their temper or mouth, he/she needs to work to address it because in short, it’s a problem—especially for the children.

Also, don’t get involved with negative behavior on the part of other parents—avoid temptation to join in on the toxic chatter that can escalate about the team’s coach, for example. Parents should make it a practice to say positive things only—or say nothing at all.

As parents, and the adults, it is important not to discuss other children. It’s not up to parents who makes a certain team, or how they play, or if those parents think certain players are talented or selfish. That’s for coaches to deal with. To speak negatively of other people’s kids opens up all kinds of potential issues.

Follow the 24-Hour Rule

Every mom and dad should remind himself or herself of the 24-hour rule. That is, if a parent is upset – with his or her own child, or with a coach, wait for a day to pass and then make the appropriate effort to discuss the situation. Everyone will be calmer, and the issue may not seem so serious after all. Right after a game or practice, when emotions can be high, is usually not the right time to approach a coach.

If you feel you must address the situation with a coach, contact them later and arrange to time to meet privately and calmly to discuss your concerns.

Keep Sports Fun

On the car ride home, it’s just not acceptable for parents to spend time criticizing their young athletes. Don’t take away the fun that is essential to being involved in youth sports. This one should be easy, but for many it’s not.

Sometimes parents begin to ask questions or comment on what their child didn’t do well or correctly— the moment the child gets in the car. This isn’t constructive and it just makes the entire experience stressful and unpleasant. What’s the point of being involved in youth sports if the child is made to feel bad?

Playing a sport is supposed to be a fun and healthy activity. Constant criticism doesn’t help anyone, most importantly your own youngster.

Give Children Space to Develop Their Sporting Skills

Parents sometimes have a tendency to stay and watch at practice and this can be a great time to get to know other parents and build positive team chemistry. But if a parent just stands to the side at training and appears grim and judgmental, or says things during practice that are not supportive it might be an good idea to go home, relax and pick your youngster up after training is done for the day. Let the children enjoy the practice and the camaraderie of their teammates, without seeing a judgmental, sour-looking parent nearby

Being a Good Sports Parent

There is much more to being a good “sports parent” than the above of course. It is essential for parents to be good listeners, to be there when things don’t go well, to be able to wipe away the occasional tear, and to generally help make the experience a great one for their kids.

However, if parents don’t always do the right things, they should at least work hard to eliminate negative behaviours that make the experiences less than what they should be for their children.

So first, parents need to become aware of the basics of their own behavior. They shouldn’t be negative about anyone – other players, coaches, officials or fellow parents; they should follow the 24-hour rule; remember not to criticize their young athlete, and to give their child the space they need to learn the sport and enjoy their teammates.

Those things alone can make the experience much better for our kids.

Ex NHL’er teaches his players that being smart is better than being macho

2011-04-04T08:30:00.012-04:00

Concussions have become, quite rightly, a cause for concern and a major issue in sports, most notablythough certainly not exclusively in the world of football and, of course, hockey.

The concern exists not only at the professional level, but all the way through to youth sports.

The modern-day speed of games like hockey and football, the hard, massive equipment worn and the size of the players all create a potent cocktail that has seen the number of reported concussions seemingly skyrocket in the past few years.

However, what is too often lost in this debate is that much of the “problem” seems to stem from long-held, traditional attitudes about what it takes and what it means to be a “tough” athlete.

One former NHL player, Mike Van Ryn, is now the coach of young hockey players at the junior (under 20) level. Mike’s career ended abruptly when he suffered a serious injury. A defenseman, he was hurt going back to get the puck near the end boards in his own zone, when he was hammered by an opposing player.

The idea that you have to get to the puck first is part of the old hockey code, it seems. You have to be willing, players are told, to be tough and “take the hit”.

But Van Ryn is evidently telling his players that being smart can be the more prudent thing.

A March 22, 2011 story by Alan Maki in the Globe & Mail sports section well outlines Van Ryn’s teaching approach.

If the link doesn’t work, the story in brief is this: Van Ryn now looks back and wonders if he should have played a bit differently. Not necessarily more cautiously, perhaps, but smarter. Don’t feel, as a defenseman, that you always have to take the big hit behind your net to get to the puck first.

In fact, after a recent Ontario Hockey League game, when one of his defenseman, who is only 16 weights less than 170 pounds was being chased down by an older player who weighs 230 pounds, the younger player got out of the way.

He went back to the bench and apologized, no doubt feeling he had not played it tough enough and that he had let his teammates down, or that his coaches would be upset.

But as the Globe story reports, Van Ryn told the young man he did the right thing, while harkening back to the play that ended his own pro career when he was hit by fellow NHL’er Tom Kostopolous…

“I said to him, ‘You’re in a vulnerable position, try to protect yourself,’” Van Ryn recalled. “If I didn’t make a play on that puck, maybe I don’t get hurt. Maybe Tom Kostopoulos doesn’t get suspended.”

There is much talk, and rightly so again, about how to deal more effectively with concussions after the fact. The best thing we can do is to take steps to try to help prevent them as best we can in sports where there obviously is going to be tough, physical contact.

And changing the old ‘macho’ mentality, those attitudes that many of us still cling to, may be the hardest, but most important step of all. This is particularly important when this “attitude” seeps into the youth sports world.

This is something I’ve been advocating for some time (see older posts on this issue here "Time to Take a step back" and here , my column on headshots in hockey ), but it’s not a popular perspective, it seems. Yet many are coming to a similar conclusion-as we see in this link at the Toronto Star and at CBC Sports.

Hockey and football are great games. Sports can be a tremendous outlet and life experience for many, even a career for a few.

And fans love their athletes to be skilled, hard-working and yes, aggressive. But you can compete and still have respect for your opponent. And that can include being aware the he/she has the right to compete in an environment where they aren’t in danger of sustaining injuries that are, in fact, preventable, or injuries that result from dangerous, reckless or intentionally violent acts.

Highlighting some “Stylish Bloggers”

2011-03-29T17:08:00.011-04:00

Recently, this site, TakingYou Beyond the Game, was nominated as a “stylish blogger”. It was unexpected but we very much appreciated the recognition.

One of the rewards/tasks is to nominate 15 others who deserve recognition as well—and we are glad to do just that.

Here are 15 blogs (not in any particular order!) that we enjoy and sense others may as well:

We want to nominate and acknowledge the blogger who first nominated us . Solomon Alexander (of St. Louis) has created a very thoughtful and interesting blog - Sportsmanship that showcases the respect, fair play, civility, and fun in sports.
Another site entitled JBMthinks. Wonderful articles on youth sports and family.
A youth hockey site called MacPherson hockey.
The Ultimate Sports Parent Blog is one of the best sites out there relating to youth sports.
If you have youngsters involved in baseball check out former Major Leaguer Jack Perconte’s Positive Parenting Tips Blog.
A dear old friend living in the U.S. mid-west has a very thoughtful blog called Midwestern Sensibilities.
One of the finest and most comprehensive hockey blogs on the ‘net is Preds on the Glass hosted by Buddy Oakes and his son Jackson.
If you enjoy good, simple writing that makes people think, visit Wrights Lane.
Check out StatsDad for a truly unique look at youth sports in America.
For those who are into health and eating with a conscience, try VeganDad .
Those interested in analysis of professional soccer, especially in Canada, from a former professional’s perspective with keen insight, visit Jason De Vos’ site at CBC sports.
A long-time professional columnist and writer at the Toronto Star, Vinay Menon, has put on his hockey fan’s hit this NHL season and launched an outstanding site at A Leafs Fan Blog with a great mix of analysis, humour and just the right amount of old-time frustration that only Maple Leaf hockey fans seem to have.
Design, art, architecture and sports, too at Frivolous Ornamentation Daily.
A comprehensive look at all things in Canadian soccer with Bill Ault at Canada Kicks.
And a site that provides support and guidance about young people working toward their dreams and leading a healthy, active life at Inspiring Kids Today

All these above sites are worth visiting and if you have a moment, you may enjoy them as we have.

Best wishes.

The "Parent satisfaction checklist" regarding your child's youth coach

2011-03-28T11:45:00.009-04:00

Surely thoughtful parents—and youth coaches—realize that there are far more important things than seeing your son or daughter’s team “win”.

Of course it’s fun to win. And, for better or worse, in youth leagues where we keep score, everyone knows who walks away from the field with the “w”.

However, in terms of what is actually important regarding a young athlete’s development and psyche, what are some of the things we should assess to determine if a youth coach is making progress with our son or daughter at those important early ages?

Here is a short checklist which might help keep things in perspective:

 Is the young player able to perform more of the essential skills than they were at the start of the season?

 When you watch your child’s team practice, is there a lot of standing around, or are all the kids active and engaged most of the time?

 Is actual instruction taking place?

 Has the coach taken the time to find out what your child really loves about the sport he/she is playing?

 Did your child’s coach meet with the team before the season started to establish joint expectations, to ensure there wouldn’t be any misunderstandings later on?

 Does your child leave practices happy? In other words, do they look forward to going to practice, and come home tired—in a good way?

 When you discuss the sport they are engaged in, is it a joyful thing for your child to talk about?

 Can you child’s coach actually demonstrate the skills they are discussing and/or trying to teach?

 Is the coach a good role-model for your son or daughter in terms of their language, behavior, attitude and the way they speak and interact with their young players, as well as game officials?

 Is the coach more concerned with winning or in developing the skills of each of his/her players?

 Is your child’s coach an effective communicator—with players and parents?

 Does the coach know how to motivate young athletes in a good way?

 Does your child’s coach make the experience fun?

Young people are involved in sports for a host of reasons. Perhaps their parents simply want them to be—or stay—active. They may love a particular sport and are “good” at it. They may just love to compete. They may even think that they want a future in the sport, for as long as they are able to play.

The one thing we don’t want to do as parents—or coaches—is to destroy the natural love the young person has for the game.

If you see you are having that affect as a parent, because of your constant criticism or attitude…STOP. Right now!

If your child’s coach helps make your son or daughter love the game even more, then that’s a huge positive.

If the coach, though, is chipping away or your child’s confidence or you see that your son or daughter no longer loves playing because of the coach, it is likely time to find a new coach.

That said, communicate first with the coach about the needs of your child. Open communication can break down barriers. A coach may be a good coach in many ways, but may not see the impact (if negative) that they are having on particular players.

Importantly, you need to understand what the coach is trying to achieve. They may be a "tough" coach, for example, but a very good and effective one.

But if they are not responsive or open to dialogue, you may have to find another situation for your child.

Solid youth sports values are worth promoting

2011-03-14T15:05:00.002-04:00

Perhaps if we crystallized what we try to write about at Taking You Beyond the Game it is this: we aim to highlight values that ought to be promoted and reflected by all of us involved in youth sports.

Along these lines, many of our original articles appear on sites around not only Canada and the United States, but in many countries around the globe.

Here are some examples of our articles available on the web:

The National Alliance for Youth Sports picked up our piece on qualities youth Coaches should strive to instill in their players

Our article on Soccer Sideline Etiquette for parents is featured by the National Soccer Coaches Association of America.

Helping become better soccer parents was our profile picked up by the Carlsbad Lightning Soccer Club.

The importance of youth coaches working together effectively with parents before the new season starts presented by the Annandale Soccer Club.

Here is our podcast interview on building confidence in young players with The Ultimate Sports Parent.

We can all learn, whether we are six or sixty. Attitudes can evolve and change for the better. We can always do things a bit better when teaching, coaching and setting examples for our young. There may not be too many “new” ideas in youth sports, but there are some, and we need to explore new approaches and examine and adopt “best practices”. We need to discuss the best ideas “out there” openly and build on that and spread the word to ensure young people don’t lose their love of sport.

Young players need to have fun, enjoy the experience, but also learn about discipline, sharing, team work and the lessons that can be learned from “winning” and “losing”.

Parents, schools, coaches, officials, Academies, Districts and Clubs—and young athletes themselves—all have important roles to play in making youth sports a great experience for everyone now and in the future.

Youth coaches and sportsmanship: another poor example

2011-03-10T09:31:00.001-05:00

High school sports can be very, very competitive. School pride, banners, tradition, history. Longstanding rivalries that, in some cases, go back decades.

It can be exhilarating. But it can also get out of hand.

Two high school hockey coaches in Manitoba made a decision recently which led to a suspension. By allegedly asking their team to intentionally “throw” a game, the subsequent result eliminated a rival from advancing in playoff competition—a rival that apparently could have upset their championship dreams.

I first noticed the story on line at - http://www.tsn.ca/nhl/story/?id=356486 An even more in-depth piece was posted in the Winnipeg Sun at http://www.winnipegsun.com/sports/hockey/2011/03/03/17489011.html

The issue has since been discussed in various media outlets across the country.

The offending coaches have been suspended. I wonder if people believe this type of attitude and approach, in the name of “winning” and giving your own school team a better chance to win a championship, is defensible or even acceptable? Or do you see this as yet another example of poor sportsmanship and adults setting a poor example for our youth?

Send your comments along.

When development is more important than “winning” in youth sports

2011-03-07T11:15:00.012-05:00

The debate over how “competitive” youth sports is—and should or should not be—is not new. But it’s still a necessary, timely and valuable debate.

Where I am based, in southern Ontario (Canada), the “norm” in most, if not all youth team sports is to keep score—starting at the very earliest ages.

Importantly, sports such as soccer in this country are now (finally?) dealing with a central issue: is the notion of keeping scores and “winning” and “losing” essential in youth sports? More importantly, is it good for kids? And does it hinder—or help—their actual development in the sport?

The soccer leadership in Canada is planning to implement a plan entitled “Long Term Player Development”, based on development strategies that have proven successful in countries where soccer is far more advanced, including Australia. Many local Clubs in Canada have already begun implementing some elements of this strategy.

In short, the aim of “LTPD”, as it is now called, is to make soccer a sport that everyone, from kids to seniors, can and will want to play and enjoy—for life. A parallel strategy is to enhance individual player development through new and improved coaching philosophies and approaches that will also give more young players a chance to develop their individual skills without the day-to-day pressure of winning games. If successful, this change in approach would, for example, eliminate the youth soccer tradition (in many jurisdictions) of teams promoted and relegated, as occurs in professional soccer in most of the world.

By having a greater number of potentially elite players better improving their skills—rather than just a select few who have been identified at a very early age—the belief is that far more national-level players will be produced in our country, while still keeping the game "fun" for the vast majority of participants.

Now, the notion of “not keeping score” is one that will be debated, and should be. No new approach should just be adopted from on high without discussing the merits and the background research that ought to go along with it.

That said, my understanding of the “new” approach is that there will still be “competition” as part of skills development at the early ages, simply that winning and losing and related outcomes (promotion/relegation) will be de-emphasized, with individual skill development emphasized much more.

This seems to be a reasonable compromise, as long as young athletes are still given a chance to play, compete, improve and express themselves creatively on the field of play— in whatever sport.

One of the best defenses of the philosophy and potential impact of “LTPD” was penned recently by Jason de Vos, the one-time captain of the Canadian national soccer team. de Vos, now a commentator for CBC Sports, outlines his views and values here http://www.cbc.ca/sports/blogs/jasondevos/2011/03/the-benefits-of-no-scores-no-standings.html in a recent blog post.

Hopefully his comments will spur not only debate, but action, in the soccer community and beyond.

Awareness of risks can only help in youth sports

2011-03-01T18:29:00.003-05:00

Youth sports are always a lightning rod for debate. The role and attitude of parents is analyzed, and properly so. The focus on “winning” versus fun and player development is the subject of much discussion. The balance between an emphasis on sports and education is always important when discussing priorities with your own children who play sports.

And there is, again quite correctly, a current concern about concussions in youth sports.

While we should not be instilling fear in our children, helping them understand and be aware on the field of play has to be a good thing. I read with interest a recent article in The Globe & Mail (see http://www.theglobeandmail.com/sports/hockey/crosbys-concussion-felt-at-youth-hockey-level/article1922939/ ) about how the Sydney Crosby concussion story is affecting youngsters and their families.

The article references the concussion suffered some weeks ago by the young Pittsburgh Penguins superstar and how young players have been impacted by that event. Concussions (and “head shots”) have been at the forefront of hockey discussions in recent years, along with hitting from behind. But that a star player—one that youngsters look up to—has been affected has generated even more awareness.

That’s a good thing.

I’ve posted here before that while we don’t want to completely overhaul a sport (hockey, in this instance) that many people love—and have, for generations—the game has evolved and can indeed be dangerous. This is especially so at the high speeds the game is played at now at the professional level, with the battle armor equipment that is worn, ostensibly for “protection”.

But the real challenge will be if we can slowly change attitudes that encourage “toughness” and aggression from very early ages. It breeds a mentality that may be useful at the professional level—where some athletes earn millions of dollars annually—but is largely out of place for the more than 99% of the young population that will not have a long-term future or a career in sport.

This attitude shift won’t be easy, and it won’t happen overnight. Perhaps the Crosby injury, as unfortunate as it is, will herald a willingness at least to modify our thinking, if only a bit.

Steve Moore and Todd Bertuzzi: seven years later

2011-02-16T09:20:00.003-05:00

As the NHL and its fans (including former star player and current Pittsburgh owner Mario Lemieux) debate how to properly police the game in the aftermath of recent in-game brawls, how can we not think back to a terrible night in Vancouver?

In early March, it will be seven years since the awful on-ice “incident” that left NHL player Steve Moore severely injured and without a professional future in hockey.

NHL fans know what happened that night, when Vancouver forward Todd Bertuzzi’s actions spoke glaringly for themselves.

As people talk about Lemieux and his alleged “hypocrisy” in criticizing the league for not handling the recent Islander-Penguin brawl better (when his team employs a player of the ilk of Matt Cooke), it would seem the hypocrisy actually runs much, much deeper.

It rests with the attitude, forever in evidence in hockey, that the game has to be played by “tough guys”.

In an interview with the Toronto Sun just over a year ago, ex-NHL’er Nick Kypreos spoke about an on-ice incident in a junior hockey game. He was quoted as saying,

“I’m not proud to say it, but I felt like if I could kill somebody with a legal check, I would do it,” Kypreos said, reflecting on his career during a discussion on vicious bodychecking — whether clean or illegal — on The Fan 590.

“That’s how much emotion, and outside the norm (of society that a hockey player) can get ... there is no rhyme or reason.

“I have been out there and looked at another guy’s eyes and I thought ‘I could kill you.’ ”

“Bodychecking is so much more than just getting the puck,” Kypreos said in an interview following the Hockey Central broadcast.

“It can involve drawing some emotions that you’re not proud of.”

What causes this mentality? Is it the ‘macho’ reality? Payback—revenge for some earlier dirty play by the other team?

That seems to have been the genesis of the Islander/Penguins dust-up.

But I keep going back to that night in Vancouver seven years ago. In a moment, Steve Moore loses his entire hockey future. For his part, Bertuzzi receives a relative slap on the wrist. He is still playing—and earning millions.

Meanwhile, the NHL bobs and weaves between appealing to us, the masses, and our apparent desire for a continuation of hockey violence—and doing the right thing.

How can we change the "culture" of the game? Do people really want to?

Meanwhile, we have temporary outrage. A superstar owner speaks out.

But the hockey world wants to forget an awful incident seven years ago. The star still makes his millions while the “other guy”, a player who was never a “star”, never plays again.

And we talk about hypocrisy….and wonder if we are setting a good example for our youth?

When professional athletes set a real example

2011-02-03T05:56:00.003-05:00

Maybe one per cent of one per cent of young athletes who start out playing a given sport make it to the professional ranks. And of those who do “make it”, not everyone becomes a positive role model that young people can look up to.

One individual, though, who youngsters can certainly look up to is Israel Idonije of the Chicago bears.

Idonije is an outstanding defensive end with the Chicago Bears, who this season made it all the way to the NFC championship game before bowing out to the Green Bay Packers. Idonije is a native of Nigeria, raised in Manitoba—an unlikely route to become an All-Star caliber NFL player.

But Idonije has worked very hard to earn what he has achieved in sport and has had a tremendous career, and along the way has contributed significantly to needy youngsters in his native country, helping to supply food, medicine and clothing.

Paul Friesen of the Winnipeg Sun wrote a fine piece recently on Idonije. It can be viewed at

http://www.torontosun.com/sports/football/2011/01/30/17086886.html

It’s a story worth reading. It depicts the values of a young man who appreciates what “stardom” has provided and does more than just talk about making a difference. He shows how much he appreciates his own good fortune through actions that make a huge difference in the lives of countless youngsters.

Hockey culture, headshots and no solutions

2011-01-20T16:00:00.001-05:00

Concussions are far from a new topic in sports. The concern is particularly pronounced in the National Football League and the National Hockey League, two very physical, violent professional sports leagues.

Both leagues are trying (belatedly) to curb “head shots”, an obvious root cause (but only one cause) of serious concussions.

The recent injury to Pittsburgh Penguin superstar Sydney Crosby, on the heels of a seemingly innocuous nudge from an opposing player during a recent game, has only served to heighten the debate in the hockey world.

Did the player mean to run into Crosby as he did? Was it intentional, or an accident? As “hits” go it was seemingly insignificant. However, it led to a serious injury.

Unfortunately, the issue, as I’ve discussed in the past here, goes well beyond an occasional hit to the head in the course of a hockey game, for example, which can lead to a serious injury. Moreover, I sense it goes beyond the much-discussed “lack of respect” that players are said to lack for one another in the modern era. Both of those things are concerns, to be sure, but there have been hits to the head, concussions and a lack of respect for as long as I can remember in hockey. (I well recall vicious stick-swinging incidents in the 1960s and ‘70s, and those types of incidents occurred well before my time, as well.)

We can throw in hitting from behind, late hits after a pass is made (also called “finishing your check”), as well as excessive boarding.

Given the speed of hockey (and football, for that matter) nowadays—and all of the above as a backdrop— it’s actually shocking that more players aren’t seriously injured

The underlying concern, for me, as a lifelong observer, is the culture of these sports, the mentaility that seems to be imparted into young athletes from a very early age. Players are expected to be tough, very tough. If they miss time because of injury, others question their commitment. In hockey, every pro team has “enforcers” or “policemen”. They are needed, we are told, to keep the other team “honest”.

And it’s been this way for generations.

What is the line between a “hockey play” and a penalty? What is the line between a “good, clean hit”, or body check, and a dirty play? The NHL, for examplel, keeps changing the rules in an effort to decrease the number of injuries. Fair enough. But how does a player, moving at full tilt (and trained to behave this way) and “lining up” another player, ensure in a split second that he doesn’t strike the head of another player—who is also often moving at high speed?

Youth hockey, for example, has taken progressive steps in recent years, adding the “STOP” sign on the back of jerseys to remind players not to take liberties with other players in terms of hits from behind.

However, the culture still remains the same after all these years. Yes, hockey is about skating, passing, shooting—all the wonderful artistic, skill-oriented things that we all admire.

But if most people are honest, it is also about, for many of them— as administrators, coaches, players or fans— violence. That violence comes in the form “clean” hits, which can still knock someone senseless. Hits against immovable boards. Hits throwing players into unbreakable glass. Crosschecking (within "legal" limits, or until a referee has seen enough in front of the net). Slashing.

A year ago (January 2010), former NHL’er turned TV analyst Nick Kypreos spoke with the Toronto Sun. At the time, the suspension to Quebec junior player Patrice Cormier was a hot topic, as his hit on an unsuspecting opposing player caused a major injury—and a season-ending suspension for young Cormier.

“That’s how much emotion, and outside the norm (of society that a hockey player) can get ... there is no rhyme or reason.

“I have been out there and looked at another guy’s eyes and I thought ‘I could kill you.’”

“Bodychecking is so much more than just getting the puck,” Kypreos said in an interview following the Hockey Central broadcast.

“It can involve drawing some emotions that you’re not proud of.”

We’ve managed, in society, to create greater awareness around all kinds of important issues: environmental sustainability; the dangers of cigarette smoking; cultural and religious tolerance and respect; drinking and driving; equality regardless of gender.

These are major attitude shifts that took time to become “mainstream” and went against the traditions and comfort zones of many people. Nevertheless, most would argue it was worthwhile because the end result was a more compassionate, healthier, fairer society for all.

In sports, and certainly in hockey, is it even possible, I wonder, to move away from the macho, “tough” culture which has been a part of the game for as long as anyone can remember?

I don’t know. Many will argue that too much will be lost if such a “fundamental” part of the game is eroded.

Still, unless and until that cultural shift happens, we can change rules, we can suspend players, we can talk about respect, and we can put signs on the back of jerseys, but until there is a fundamental sea change in attitude from administrators, to coaches, players and those responsible for youth sports organizations, things won’t really change.

Season’s Greetings to all our visitors

2010-12-20T15:16:00.000-05:00

We wanted to take a moment to thank everyone who has visited our Taking You Beyond the Game site since we developed it over the past year.

Since our spring “debut”, we have already had visits from 40 countries — people interested in our original articles and in the issues that we raise that impact youth sports, coaches and our young athletes.

If you’d like to write to us, send a note to michael@prospectcommunications.com

In the meantime, our best wishes to everyone for a Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!

Youth coach faces suspension because of principled stand

2010-12-06T11:00:00.001-05:00

There is always an “accuracy” risk in writing or commenting about something without knowing all the facts.

I’m referring, in this instance, to recent published reports about a youth hockey team in Peterborough, Ontario. The reports indicate that a coach pulled his team in the middle of a game. Why? One of his players had been subjected to a racial slur and the other team (and player who is alleged to have made the remark) did not immediately apologize to the player in question.

There seems to be no debate that the remark was indeed made. The offending player/team did apologize afterwards, the player evidently showing genuine remorse.

In the interim, the Ontario Minor Hockey Association, pending an official hearing, has suspended the coach who pulled his team off the ice. The reason? Teams are not allowed, by rule, to pull their teams off the ice during a game—even in a case such as this.

As I mentioned earlier, I don’t know those involved and did not witness the incident. It’s always possible there are facts or factors that outsiders are simply not aware of.

The hockey authorities in question stand by their decision to suspend the coach, based on longstanding rules and regulations.

But it is difficult not to question an authority structure that suspends a coach, when, by all accounts, that individual is simply standing up for his players, his team, and an question of principle.

Were there other ways to protest the remark? No doubt. And it makes sense to await a thorough investigation to determine exactly what took place and why and whether the “punishment” is fair.

But this just seems to be, on the surface at least, a case where technicalities over-rule common sense. If the coach who was suspended was, in fact, simply protecting his player and his team from abuse and “taking a stand”, is a suspension really fair?

I’m sure more will come from this story, but for now, an indefinite suspension (it could be up to a full year) would seem to be a peculiar decision, since the coach did not initiate the offensive action. (The player who made the remark and his two coaches were suspended for three days and are all back in action already.)

I’m not sure this all sends a very clear—or good—message to our young people.

A testimonial about our articles on Taking You Beyond the Game

2010-11-09T11:00:00.002-05:00

We very much appreciate the e-mail comment we received recently from Germany. Those responsible for youth sports activities at a U.S. Army installation in Germany came across our articles and asked for permission to re-print some of them in their newsletter. We are pleased to see our articles utilized in this way.

“Thank you for the fantastic work and education you are doing worldwide for youth sports.”

B. Starr Price
Landstuhl Youth Sports,
U.S. Military Installation,
Germany

Thanks to Starr, and to all those who have contacted us expressing appreciation for the articles we have developed over the years. We hope you will continue to visit our site.

Body checking in youth hockey: No right answers?

2010-11-05T17:25:00.014-04:00

I must acknowledge that I have been a passionate hockey fan all my life. I love the skill on skates, the vision that good players demonstrate, their ability to think ahead, the artistry and yes, the power that players can exhibit in making moves while making a play or a good, clean hit.

However, like many others, I’ve grown increasingly concerned about the state of the game, including at the youth levels.

The issue of “body checking” at the youth levels has been hotly debated now for many years across Canada. Some believe allowing it at the so-called ‘rep levels’ (very competitive) is a good idea, because it gets players to learn how to “take a check”, and makes it safer for them in the long run.

Others suggest that it takes some of the the skill out of the game (because small players may be fearful), causes unnecessary injuries and actually pushes a lot of talented kids into other sports.

It’s a difficult issue.

When I was a kid fifty years ago “hitting” was barely part of the discussion. I learned to play the game on frozen ponds in the dead (cold) of winter in the small town where I lived. The game was fun and it was largely about skating, competing with friends and staying out on the ice until your feet were so frozen you couldn’t bear it any longer.

Things have changed dramatically, of course, and in many ways for the better, I suppose. Organized competitive hockey has pretty much ended that bygone era. That organized aspect brings many good things for kids and families, but it, not surprisingly, has eventually led to a host of other issues.

I read recently where a young Canadian player was injured in an NCAA college game. A big hit that he took caused a broken neck, and it took some time for the young man’s injuries to stabilize in the hospital afterwards. It was a very sad event, and horribly frightening for any hockey parent to contemplate.

I didn’t see the play so I can’t comment on whether it was a “dirty” hit or not. (The offending player was given a major and a misconduct penalty.) But the point, for me, is that we have reached a stage in hockey, even at the pro levels, where hitting has become too pervasive a part of the game. The NHL, all the way down to youth hockey, is trying, they say, to crack down on “head shots”, for example. This follows a similar focus on “hits from behind”.

But the culture of the sport is a concern. The macho sense that a player must be “tough”—and I acknowledge I like a good clean hit at the pro level— seems to be permeating the sport to a worrisome degree.

This is not entirely new, of course. The actions of the “Broad Street Bullies” (the Philadelphia Flyers in the 1970s), set the game back for years. Young players copied their brawling, fighting style.

But in this day and age it’s about not just fighting, but hitting.

That pressure to “hit hard”, from management, coaches and fans alike, combined with the ever-increasing speed in the game, conspires to make a bad cocktail. Throw in the hard, large equipment that players wear and is it any wonder we have concerns about serious injuries— including life-altering concussions—right across the board in the sport of hockey?

The only way this really gets solved is if certain aspects of the sport are somehow de-emphasized, and that would take a major shift in attitude.

And I don’t think that is forthcoming.

Check out Michael’s podcast interview

2010-11-01T08:00:00.001-04:00

Michael Langlois, who has written many of the articles on this site, was interviewed recently by Lisa Cohen, an award-winning parenting author.

Lisa is the co-founder of The Ultimate Sports Parent web site, based in Florida. To read the Ultimate Sport Parent blog click here.

If you would like to hear Lisa's interview with Michael, click on the link below to listen to the podcast (Show #87) entitled “Coach and parent communication to build kids’ confidence” .

In this interview, Michael provides suggestions for youth coaches and how they can communicate more effectively with their young players, to help build the players' confidence. He also provides some helpful comments directed at the youth soccer coaching community.

Two more of our articles are available at “Suite 101”

2010-10-05T16:54:00.002-04:00

Follow the links to read our most recent articles on Suite101.com.

One discusses how NFL star Braylon Edwards and the New York Jets sent a poor message to young people after the player’s recent DUI arrest.

The other article, “What kind of Sport Parent Are You?” raises important issues about parental behaviour at youth sporting events.

Youth coaches setting poor examples for young athletes never seems to stop

2010-10-01T00:01:00.001-04:00

Not many days go by without some kind of incident in youth sports that reminds us that, all too often, adults are not modeling strong and positive behaviour for our young people.

A recent case in point: In a youth football league for 12 year-olds in Texas, a recent game saw coaches involved in not only a dispute with one another, but a rather disturbing brawl which was captured on film.

In an ensuing TV news report, a young player from one of the teams suggested that he had been grabbed and thrown by an opposing coach, which allegedly led to a fight between coaches from both teams.

Since that time, the league in question has suspended a number of coaches, but not any players, as their behaviour was not an issue. However, both teams were initially barred from participating in the upcoming playoffs, though that decision may be rescinded.

Regardless of whether it is fair to punish youngsters for the poor behaviour of their parents or coaches (and some will argue that the kids must suffer if only to discourage adults from behaving badly in future), the events tell a sad tale. Why would any adult coach in any way touch or physically handle a young person? Whether the young player is on their team or the opposing side, surely aggressive physical contact is never acceptable.

We all understand that youth sports is emotional and often a highly-charged atmosphere. It doesn’t take much to get some people going. If a coach did engage with an opposing young player in this way, it’s not surprising there was a negative reaction from the other bench. That said, for the game to degenerate into fisticuffs will surely—and sadly—lead to long, painful and negative memories for all concerned, most importantly the youngsters who were there simply trying to compete and have fun.

Adults have long created chaos at youth sporting events. This is not new. But the standards of what we consider acceptable behaviour need to be seriously re-visited. Parent coaches are often (not always) an issue, as opposed to a solution. But where do we find enough qualified, trustworthy coaches without their own children involved willing to donate their time to teach youngsters?

Education is part of the answer. Developing specific programs that parents and all coaches are mandated to attend will help. Working harder to make people understand that their negative behaviour is intolerable and socially un-acceptable is part of it as well.

Hopefully, we won’t have to depend on 12 year olds being more mature than their parents and coaches to change attitudes, but if that’s what it takes, then that is part of the solution as well.

Are Youth Sports Coaches building confidence or creating big egos?

2010-09-13T15:00:00.015-04:00

One of the biggest challenges facing coaches in youth sports today has to do with the generation of young people they are interacting with. “Me generation” parents have, in some cases, raised youngsters to feel positive about—and believe in— themselves. This is a good thing in many ways, indeed.

What can sometimes happen, unfortunately, is that without guidelines—and consequences for certain attitudes and behaviours—these young people sometimes believe they can do as they wish, and can, in a sense, “do no wrong”. They are not accountable and if anything goes wrong it’s someone else’s fault. In the world of youth sports, this perhaps makes coaching youngsters a tougher job than ever before.

One question to ask is whether or not coaches are coaching this way in response to pressure applied by the parents of the athletes they coach.

Building big egos or positive self-confidence?

With the above reality as a backdrop, whether young “athletes”—while playing for fun or at a more serious, ultra-competitive level—become better athletes, better people and develop strong character has a lot to do with the adults that are around and influence them. Parents, teachers and youth coaches in particular have a deep and lasting impact—an impact that can be positive or negative.

While developing a healthy ego is a good thing for everyone, when one’s ego development conflicts with or overrides the good of others, it’s not necessarily healthy. In youth sports terms, a coach can look to build true self-esteem without creating a selfish, arrogant or “I’m better than” attitude in the young people they work with.

Creating arrogant egos and missed teaching moments

• Too many youth coaches praise athletes when it isn’t really deserved. For example, a lazy player who didn’t work hard and spent the game blaming teammates, but who scored a goal in a hockey or soccer game, is rewarded for the goal, because it helped the team “win”. His/her behaviour is forgotten, only the goal and result is rewarded. This reinforces to the young athlete that the only thing that matters is scoring—not everything else that goes into building a successful team. Unfortunately if the coach is successful in trying to combat this mentality, all too often parents are the ones sending the inappropriate message.

• Allowing a player to exhibit negative behaviours on the field of play without dealing with those behaviours is unhealthy. This is particularly unacceptable if the coach’s reason for not dealing with the behaviour is that the player is more “talented” than others. If “talented” players are allowed to get away with actions that harm the team, everyone suffers—and that young person begins to believe they can behave as they wish, regardless of how this affects others.

• Not working with a player to improve their skills because they are bigger or faster than other players at a certain stage in their development (and they are already good enough to help you “win”) or conversely, ignoring a player because they are deemed “too small” is a disservice and isn’t helping those players. This kind of coach seems to care more about winning, and not about developing all their players to their fullest potential

Building real confidence

Some things to keep in mind:

• Encourage your players to work hard to become as good as they can be but strive to accomplish this in a positive, supportive environment.

• Identify things a player does well and comment on those things, not only on areas for improvement.

• Stress your appreciation for genuine effort rather than outcome.

• Allow your players to make mistakes. This is how they learn. Belittling a youngster publicly because they make an error doesn’t help their learning curve. If anything, for many young athletes it damages their ability to learn and function well the next time.

• Speak privately with players to discuss things they need to work on.

• Coach and parents should have realistic expectations and those expectations should be agreed upon before every new season starts.

• Emphasize the importance of training because good practice habits lead to skill development and positive outcomes—for all players.

• Always remember that young athletes remember positive—or negative—interactions with adults for a long, long time.

Youth sports should be about fun. Everyone says that, but many—coaches, parents, administrators—don’t act this way. There is no question too many athletes nowadays are catered to, allowed to act in ways that should not be accepted, because coaches want to win—when winning should be secondary to helping young boys and girls develop character while learning about the ups and downs of life through sports. Many youngsters (and parents) have a sense of entitlement, because they are constantly rewarded by outcome, rather than by behaviour, attitude and effort.

The coaches who focus on the latter, rather than sheer talent and outcome, are helping to build true character and real confidence, rather than just creating even bigger egos.

New Brunswick incident just the latest example of how we are over-invested parents

2010-09-01T08:17:00.027-04:00

Just this past weekend, the Canadian province of New Brunswick, a beautiful part of the Maritimes, hosted a novice girls fastball championship event.

By all accounts it was a wonderful display of volunteerism, as well as youthful zest and talent.

Unfortunately, according to various media reports, it was marred by an incident involving parents. The allegations are that there were actual physical fights that took place, as a result of a play between two young players on opposing teams.

Tempers apparently flared after one player (evidently much bigger than another) appeared to run over another player while rounding a base.

To put things in perspective, the girls in this event were 13 and 14 years of age. I wasn’t there so of course do not have all the details. What seems clear is that there was a collision of sorts, and some parents felt it was “intentional”.

Words were spoken, things escalated, and a number of adults had to be led away from the park area. At the end of the situation, cooler heads finally prevailed, thankfully. But the young girls on both teams were, we are informed, quite distraught at the behaviour of parents.

It’s interesting and perhaps instructive that it wasn’t the young athletes who were in any way involved, other than the initial collision. If it were up to the kids, nothing further would have happened.

Instead, a number of parents, and one of the coaches, ended up being thrown out of the park after a nasty situation.

Thankfully, organizers were levelheaded enough to find a way to restore order, and both teams took a picture together at the end of the game.

We all love our children. Moreover, there’s no question that it can be difficult to control our emotions when we are watching our son or daughter in a competitive situation. We are all “invested” in our own kids and want to support them as best we can.

But surely we need to ask ourselves a simple question: If I act badly toward a coach or fellow parent, what example am I setting for my child? How will I look in their eyes if I find myself in a yelling match with other adults—or worse, a physical altercation?

Many of those youngsters in New Brunswick may never again play in such a prestigious event. For a lot of these young girls, the tournament will be a lifelong memory. The question becomes, what will they remember from what was supposed to be a special day?

Will they remember the competition, the special feeling of being part of a major event? Will they remember all the great plays, the wonderful moments— win or lose?

Or will their lasting memory be of a number of parents yelling, screaming, kicking, throwing punches, and eventually being escorted out of the park by police?

Whether the families went home by car, bus or plane, I’m guessing it was a long, and perhaps quiet—and sad— ride for many, even the “winners”.

_________________________

For those visiting the site for the first time, we have developed a series of original articles that we hope can be beneficial for you or your local sports team or Club.

One of those pieces (see our menu on the right) has to do with Soccer Sideline Etiquette for parents. We have also included our article on Hockey Rink Etiquette for parents. The simple principles put forward in those articles can be a practical, helpful tool in any sporting situation where parents are “near the action”.

I encourage you to read the articles and spread the word!

Books, seminars and talks that can help youth coaches to communicate, motivate and inspire their players

2010-08-07T14:50:00.002-04:00

We continue to receive request for our articles from across Canada, the United States and as far away as the U.K. and Australia. We appreciate the wonderful feedback we have received to our “Taking you Beyond the Game” blog site, and also our many original articles posted here.

We should also draw your attention to our books, specially written for youth coaches. In particular, our very popular “Guide to Better Communication for Minor/Youth Hockey Coaches” which has drawn rave reviews. We also have received tremendous response to “How Well do you Communicate? A Guide to Better Communication with Players and Parents for Youth Soccer Coaches”.

Both of these books provide many useful, practical tips that can make a big difference for individual coaches, and also for the many youth sports Clubs that rely on their coaches to provide instruction, support and motivation for thousands of youngsters.

Visit the information bar on the right hand this site, to read more about the books and articles we have available.

If you have any questions you’d like to contact us about bringing in Michael as a guest speaker to help educate, motivate and inspire your coaches, contact us at michael@prospectcommunications.com or call (905) 825-8078.

Communication tips for the youth baseball coaches

2010-07-15T21:40:00.015-04:00

There was a time, not that many years ago, when baseball was king when it came to kids playing summer sports.

It remains a popular pastime for today’s youth in both Canada and the United States, but for the game to recapture its roots will require more than marketing know-how to draw youngsters back to the diamonds and to become the next generation of “the boys of summer”, in the words of Roger Kahn’s wonderful book about the Brooklyn Dodgers of his 1950s youth.

It will take more and more youth baseball coaches who know how to communicate with youngsters in a way that engenders a love of the game—and not only for the most highly skilled, or the biggest and the fastest.

Communication: How a coach can make a difference

Youth baseball coaches are generally volunteers who give freely of their time, talent and energy. Many are “qualified”; others are simply moms or dads willing to help their local youth baseball Club.

Regardless of one’s level of knowledge or experience, most youth baseball coaches can—and need to—do an even better job of motivating, inspiring and encouraging young ballplayers.

Specific communication approaches that help

I was with someone recently who was recalling an incident in their young life back in the 1950s. They were playing baseball at what would nowadays be considered a very elite, competitive level. They missed a sign while they were up at bat, and the coach came running toward them from the third base coaching box, yelling, “Can’t you do anything right?”.

The young man finished the game, then left the team, hurt and discouraged. The man, now a “senior” citizen, remembers that incident to this day.

Perhaps sadly, that kind of approach to coaching was commonplace in those days.

The first thing a wise youth coach needs to realize is that they have a significant impact on the young boys and girls they interact with. Those youngsters will remember what they are told and how they are treated for a long time.
Coaches must recognize that and let that knowledge shape their approach in a positive way. I’m not suggesting kids don’t need need discipline, guidelines and agreed-upon expectations but they also need support, positive instruction and step-by-step guidance.
Too many coaches tell their players what they should do, but can’t or don’t show them how to do it. If a coach doesn’t know how to communicate and show what is needed, they should bring in someone with the expertise to demonstrate the skills required.
If a coach is a yeller, make sure the players know that is just part of a personal coaching style, and that it is in no way personal.
Constantly look to build the confidence in players, not tear that confidence down. A relaxed, confident player will perform more freely and is more likely to achieve what they are capable of on the diamond.
Seek to find out what motivates each youngster you coach. Every young person is different and needs to be dealt with in their own distinctive way. Discipline should be consistent throughout the entire “group”, yet with an eye for the sensitivities of individual youngsters.
If a coach notices personal or team issues between players, don’t ignore the problem. Step in and deal with the issue fairly. Make every effort to bring the parties together through open discussion, tolerance and understanding. Coaches should try to put themselves in the shoes of their young athletes.
Be a good listener. Too many youth coaches have a style they employ for dealing with kids but it often doesn’t include the recognition that good communication is a two-way street. Sometimes a coach can learn a great deal from their young players.
If a coach stresses teamwork but then focuses too much on winning as opposed to sharing playing time, or becomes agitated by “mistakes”, it sends an inconsistent—and negative—message.

Young players often love the game of baseball. That’s part of why they play. How a coach interacts and communicates with those youngsters can engender an even greater appreciation for and love of the great game of baseball, or conversely, can actually kill the love the young players once had.

While it’s important to build a trusting, supportive relationship and to be able to identify and engage with young athletes, coaches should always act like “the adult” in their relationship with youngsters. If coaches themselves adopt immature attitudes, it puts an unfair onus on the young people to become the adults in the relationship.

Remember, what a youth coach says and how they say what they say, on a moment-to-moment basis, often determines the lasting impact that coach will have on the impressionable youngsters they are responsible for.

Ronaldo doesn’t meet the standard to be considered a positive role model

2010-06-30T14:21:00.004-04:00

Because we live in a media age where images are captured and transported world-wide in seconds, it’s all the more difficult for high-profile politicians, entertainers and athletes to be successfully “on” every minute of the day.

Fair or not, society sometimes places a higher level of behavioral expectation on certain individuals. When they "fail", it gets reported on extensively. Some of us perhaps expect too much, in terms of what we consider to be appropriate behaviour.

And parents, who should be the real role-models themselves, sometimes expect athletes to do the job for them.

During the current World Cup of soccer, Portuguese superstar Cristiano Ronaldo left many observers wondering if his world-class skills were slowly, subtly slipping away. Still a marvelously talented player, Ronaldo could not lift his team past the round of 16.

Of more relevance for me was his behaviour.

According to various accounts, he was sometimes petulant, with disdain directed toward not only probing photographers but his own national team Coach. Commentators invoked memories of his refusal to shake hands after a loss at the 2006 World Cup as further evidence that he lacked the grace we, ideally, would like to see if such a marvelously gifted individual—win or lose.

Now, “star” athletes are often granted far too much leeway from an early age. And this is not a new phenomenon. This has been an issue for generations, where “athletes” receive special, often pampered treatment. If they don’t do well in school, they are nonetheless moved along because they are great athletes. Terrible attitude? Doesn’t matter, they’re great athletes. Break the law in a college town? That’s OK too, as the Coach, administration and local law enforcement are there to cover up any “minor” misdeeds.

So when things don’t go their way, these young people become adults who sometimes (not always) have a tendency to blame others. It’s never their own “fault”, not their responsibility.

Ronaldo may be a swell individual, but as the years go by he more and more, at least publicly, presents as a spoiled brat. On the field is a diver, a complainer, not a true team player and someone who blames others when things don’t go well.

In a sense, this decline in the sporting world has been in evidence for many years. Those who were around in the early 1980s well remember that John McEneroe, a tremendously talented tennis player, set new (and very low) standards in on-court behaviour. His awful outbursts at calls that went against him were actually applauded in some quarters. A minor monetary fine here and there was hardly enough to stem the torrent of abuse he directed at officials. Eventually, the sport was filled with too much of that kind of behaviour. Classy individuals within that sport like Arthur Ashe and Rod Laver must have been aghast at what they were witnessing.

The world has changed and we will likely never recapture the times when pro athletes like Bart Starr in football, Jean Beliveau in hockey and Joe DiMaggio in baseball set behave in a manner that did indeed meet the “role-model” gold standard. There are athletes nowadays who meet that standard, and they should be applauded.

In fact, it probably behooves those of us who care about the messages young people receive from what would have once upon a time described as sporting “heroes”, to focus more on the “good guys” in sport than the self-centered ones.

As for Ronaldo, we—and our children—can all admire his well-honed talents. However, we don’t have to like the way he all too often acts.

Prospect’s articles around the world

2010-06-14T10:37:00.001-04:00

Over the years, many of our original articles have been picked up and posted in many countries and on various web sites around the world—from Ireland, the United States and Canada to New Zealand.

Here are a few examples (click on the highlighted areas to see the article):

Our article on Soccer Sideline Etiquette for parents, utilized by the Chilliwack Youth Soccer Club in British Columbia.
Michael’s article on Becoming a Better Soccer parent was picked up by the Cal South Soccer Association in California, U.S.A.
The Canadian Hockey Parents Association asked to use one of our pieces for their web site.
The NSCAA—the prestigious National Soccer Coaches Association of America also liked our articles.
Closer to home, the Ontario Hockey Federation published our article on 15 traits to look forward in building your all-star or “rep” hockey team with real team players.
The web site of the highly-respected international soccer coach Tony Waiters, World of Soccer, ran a number of our articles, including this one on "Doing the Right Things when Interacting with your Players - The "Checklist" for Youth Soccer Coaches".
Our articles were picked up fron as far away as New Zealand, and localized for use with youth soccer teams.
Australia is also home to one of our articles.
Eight key qualities that coaches should strive to instill in all their players can be found on the National Alliance for Youth Sports website.

We include this information simply to share with you that we hope the valuable—and very practical—tips we aim to share through our writing on youth sports will be considered by as many Clubs as possible. Children sometimes need to be pushed, always challenged, but also supported and nurtured to ensure that if they love sport, we—parents, coaches and administrators—don’t take that way from them.

A Coach with the Right Values

2010-06-08T14:17:00.000-04:00

I was recently with a sports industry client in Arizona for a few days. While there, I met with a number of different groups of people, including some professional coaches, as I had been invited to address the subject of communication and how it can play a valuable role in various relationships.

One of the coaches on hand shared some research he did, and in his work cited the views of a well-known high-school coach in Maryland, a former NFL player by the name of Joe Ehrmann.

When I read this reference, the values put forth by this youth coach resonated with me personally because I share—and try to live, though not always successfully—those values. It also stood out because it sounded familiar. Somewhere in my memory bank I knew I’d read about this individual (Ehrmann) before.

I dug through my old paper filing system and discovered an article written back in 2004 by a gentleman by the name of Jeffrey Marx, a Pulitzer prize-winning writer. Marx wrote a book about Ehrmann called “The Season of Life”.

I encourage you to “Google” these names and read what you can about Ehrmann.

While I can’t do justice to his philosophy in a few words, the article I read should be mandatory reading for youth coaches in every sport around the world. In a winning—obsessed culture, this man tries to, as the article says, lead boys to become real men, based on values and principles—not the results of a particular game.

He stresses the importance of relationships, not just on a “team”, but in terms of how the young men he coaches interact with others—members of the opposite sex, parents, family members, the world around them.

He also focuses on how young people are fed into a culture of comparisons and competition, and how this can destroy the concept of humanity.

Again, I don’t want to miss important aspects of his approach to interacting with his players, so I encourage you to check this out for yourself. It’s powerful stuff. You don’t see this approach in youth sports every day.

Contact us regarding our seminars and webinars!

2010-05-11T17:03:00.002-04:00

The articles we have developed and posted on this site will hopefully continue to provide useful tips and suggestions for coaches and administrators involved at all levels in youth sports.

For those Clubs operating where we are located, in the greater Toronto area, we continue to conduct workshops for youth coaches on how good communication in coaching can help build character and confidence in young athletes.

A number of Clubs have contacted us in recent weeks about our programs. These Clubs operate in other parts of the country or the United States. For those Clubs who understandably cannot afford to bring us in to conduct workshops in person, we can conduct webinars to cover the important content available in our in-person seminars.

In addition, we can work privately with Club personnel and/or their coaches through the “Skype” service.

If you have any questions at all, contact us at michael@prospectcommunications.com or at (905) 825-8078.

A lesson we can learn from a professional golfer

2010-05-03T13:53:00.001-04:00

For some people, golf isn’t a true ‘sport”, though for many the legendary Arnold Palmer put that argument to rest decades ago.

Regardless, a recent act on the course by a professional golfer reminded us that doing the right thing, while exceedingly difficult at times, brings its own rewards.

England’s Brian Davis has never won a PGA Tour event. At the recent tour stop in South Carolina, he was involved in a sudden-death playoff with veteran Jim Furyk. On the first extra hole, Davis apparently, on his backswing, caused a small twig on the ground near his ball to move.

That is, unfortunately and perhaps unfairly, something that calls for a two-stroke penalty.

The thing is, the player pretty much has to “call it” on him or herself.

Davis thought he saw the twig move, so he called over an on-course official and the “slow motion” video replay confirmed what he thought he saw—movement.

He had indeed called a two-stroke penalty against himself, and he lost the tournament as a result—and about $400,000 in possible winnings.

Team sports would be turned upside down if suddenly we had soccer players saying to referees—“don’t call that a penalty—I was diving” or if baseball outfielders admitted they trapped a ball when the umpire ruled that they caught it.

I’m not suggesting a wholesale change in approach- I’m simply calling to mind that there are higher ideals that we can indeed aspire to in sports, even when we—and our own children—play in highly competitive environments

We all want to win and young people should train and work and do all the right things to improve their skills and play hard and well—but at the end of the day, winning isn’t everything.

Davis’ honesty touched the tournament organizers. That doesn’t make up for $400,000—or does it, in a much more important way?

Davis should long be remembered for his rather remarkable honesty. He set the bar too high for most of us, but it’s good to know there is still a bar.

Youth soccer players too often act like the pros

2010-04-19T15:59:00.002-04:00

Soccer is a sport that seems to engender on-field reactions that you don’t typically see in other sports.

Diving, for one—though those of us familiar with hockey know it can happen on the ice, too.

But it’s more in the overt demonstrative displays that separate the sport from most others. It was interesting to note in a recent hockey broadcast that the commentators made a point of referencing a very slight gesture by Toronto Maple Leaf forward Phil Kessel. Kessel had passed the puck to a teammate, and when his line-mate also passed the puck rather than take a clear shot on goal, Kessel reacted with a gesture that clearly showed he felt his colleague should have taken a shot instead of passed.

Again, this was a very subtle reaction, not likely picked up by most spectators- only by the TV cameras on the replay.

That kind of action—magnified several times—is, sadly, commonplace in soccer, the “beautiful” game which would be much more beautiful without certain kinds of displays.

This includes:

 all-too-frequent arguing by players on-field over virtually every call by the referee

 young players with their hands up in the air disputing those calls

 players overtly showing their displeasure when a teammate makes what they consider to be a bad pass

 the aforementioned intentional diving, trying to deceive the referee

Other than the diving (and even then it is comparably infrequent), you rarely if ever see this kind of bickering between teammates in hockey, where the “code” of in-game behaviour seems quite different.

Visit any local soccer pitch. There are too many young soccer players who yap at the referees, point out their teammates’ errors and sometimes even yell at parents on the sideline.

I’m not sure when all this behaviour started, but youth coaches have a responsibility to not only teach and demonstrate the soccer skills necessary to compete, enjoy and succeed in the sport. They—and we parents—bear a responsibility to teach appropriate on-field behaviour to youngsters who emulate the “pros”—regardless of how poorly the pros act.

Are you an inspirational youth coach? 10 things to consider

2010-04-05T09:54:00.015-04:00

Can anything be more important than having been a truly positive life influence on those with whom you interact?

In the context of sports, and particularly in the world of high-pressure youth sports, coaches have an opportunity—virtually every day—to create a lasting memory in the minds of the young athletes they are there to lead and teach.

Players—young and old—have responsibilities to take a lead in their own development, of course, if they are a serious athlete and expect to earn and keep a position on a highly competitive team. But you, as coach, have a huge influence.

Moreover, by your actions and behaviour every day, you determine what your legacy will be in the minds of those you coach.

You need only ask yourself: How do I want to be thought of—and remembered—20 years from now by those I coached?

Here are ten things to consider in determining whether you are the kind of coach and individual your players will look back on with fondness and respect. I believe this applies whether you coach them as 10 year-olds or as they are heading toward a possible future in the sport. Regardless, you should behave in a manner that will see them remember you as an inspiring presence in their lives:

1. Whether a player is a “star” on your team or someone who plays infrequently, does every player know they are important to the team?

2. Do you set joint—and mutual—expectations early on with your players, so there is less chance of misunderstanding later?

3. Are you always the adult in the relationship? Do you consistently model behaviour that you would be proud to see in your players?

4. How often do you say things in the heat of the moment that you can’t take back—and will never be forgotten by the young person you coach?

5. Do you take the time to find out what motivates each of your players, and what makes them love the sport/game they play?

6. Do you yell constantly about mistakes, or instead, create an environment where hard-working players aren’t afraid to try things and make mistakes in order to get better?

7. Do you help to build your players’ confidence, or do you do things to undermine it?

8. How much time do you spend getting to know your players as individuals?

9. Do you always have the answers, or are you open to ideas from your players? Will your players look back and say you were a great listener?

10. Are you consistent in your accountability system and your approach to discipline, or do you have a “star” system? Do certain players not face consequences?

By your actions, you are writing the script today for how those youngsters will remember you years down the road.

Being a flawed sports parent has helped me to help others

2010-03-28T14:54:00.001-04:00

One of the reasons that I am comfortable writing on—and hosting seminars—on the subject of youth sports is my own flawed experience as a sports “dad” for the past 25 years.

My mistakes in my interactions with my own children have been frequent, and I acknowledge those failures. My actions and words were sometimes less than what should have been, and on occasion I’ve even slipped into that murky area of being less than proud of my own public behaviour as a dad and an erstwhile recreational youth (in my case, baseball) coach.

I state this not with pride but rather with a great deal of genuine regret and humility. I have always tried to follow some important, timeless values that I hold in my heart and hoped to display to my own kids and any young people I coached. However, “human error” sometimes reared its head and I failed—in thought, words or action.

I hesitate to say I “learned” my lessons, because if I had, I would not still be flawed. But like many others, I constantly try to be better at it, and in recent years have shared my own experiences as part of attempting to help other parents and coaches along the way.

So, when I write about the way things “ought to be” in youth sports, I come from a place filled with my own mistakes.

I have also spent many hours over the past twenty years literally standing back, away from the ice, field and court, to observe the behaviour of coaches, fellow parents and sport administrators around me.

These countless experiences makes my recommendations and suggestions all the more concrete, practical and—hopefully—effective.

Here are five “little” things that can make a big difference for you as a parent:

1. As a parent-spectator, if you know you are prone to falling off the wagon (i.e. yelling at referees, players or other parents, for example) avoid temptation. Sit off to the side, away from others. If there are fellow parents who bring out the worst in you, don’t be unfriendly, but don’t engage them. If you do engage in conversation, do it with people you know who are positive and will help keep you on track.

2. Ask yourself: will I be OK later with what I’m saying or how I’m behaving right now? If my words/actions come back to me later, will I be able to justify or defend my behaviour to myself or to others?

3. If you are upset with or don’t agree with a coach’s decision (who’s starting, playing time, substitution and/or tactical choices) don’t confront the coach right after the game. Give yourself 24 hours to cool down. Generally, things feel better by then. If not, ask for a private meeting where you can discuss your concerns quietly.

4. Make the care ride home with your son or daughter enjoyable. Don’t start berating your son/daughter as soon as they get in the car. If you are annoyed by what happened at the game, discuss other things instead. Young players generally know how they played, and if they weren’t at their best, don’t need to be reminded by their mom or dad.

5. Let your child decide if they even want to talk about the game. If they don’t initiate a conversation about it, great. Focus on other things. If they do, let them speak and air their thoughts without judgment.

Doing the right things when interacting with your players:The “Checklist” for Youth Sports Coaches

2010-03-15T20:06:00.003-04:00

Youth sports coaches have a difficult job. They are the key decision-makers. They set examples. Players look to them for leadership. Club administrators – and parents -- look to them to make good choices.

As adults we often speak to our young people about making choices— preferably intelligent, positive choices.

That said, coaches make choices, too. They can choose to be the kind of coach that cares only about “winning”, or a coach that has a deeper—and longer-lasting—impact on the young people they coach and the families whose lives they touch.

Here are some tips to help make the coaching experience better for you—and the young people you interact with:

1) Build confidence in your players

Too often young athletes have their confidence shattered by their coach. Ask anyone in sports, including top professional athletes: when you lose your confidence, performance suffers and it becomes a vicious cycle. As a coach, regardless of whether you are soft-spoken, a yeller or somewhere in between, you must show confidence in your athletes – and constantly build their self-confidence. Wouldn’t you rather be the one coach the player looks back on and says – “That person really believed in me and made a difference in my life…” than the coach who is a negative caricature in the minds of your former players?

2) Identify the real team players on your squad

Coaches so often want to build a team with stars that they neglect to identify the young athletes who will be the glue that keeps a team together, and keeps them successful. There are obviously many attributes of a “team player”, but for starters, look for young people who are good teammates, who support other players, who are unselfish, and treat other players and people with respect. A really good coach would rather ‘lose’ with a bunch of fine young people than ‘win’ with a group of talented prima donnas who care only about themselves and not the team.

3) Communicate regularly -- and honestly

Young players need regular feedback. You should never go weeks or months without providing constructive feedback on their performance. If they are not meeting your expectations, either in terms of performance or attitude, speak with them—privately. That said, the first thing you should do is set mutually understood expectations at the beginning of each season. Meet with the player alone to do this (and with their parents, when age appropriate), away from everyone else.

4) Explain clearly what you want and then demonstrate what you want

I often see coaches demand, yell, threaten. Most coaches are not Tony Dungee (coach of the NFL Super Bowl Champion Indianapolis Colts) who rarely, if ever, speaks above his “normal” voice. Parents and players expect --and accept-- some loudness from a coach. A little loudness may even help sometimes! But be sure to explain clearly what you want to see, then show what you want. Young soccer players need to see what you’re talking about, so if you can’t show/demonstrate what you want, bring in a guest instructor who can.

5) Recognize that every young person/athlete is motivated differently

Not every athlete— or person — responds to the same stimuli. Some athletes are self-driven, some may need a shove in the behind, others need encouragement. Whatever, the key is to find out what is behind every player’s mental door. Speak to the player. Get to know them. Find out what motivates them. Find out what they really love about the sport they play — this will give you a look behind the door. Again if age appropriate, speak with their parents. They may have insight that will help you inspire your young player.

6) Recognize that you have a potentially huge affect on the young people you coach

Parents clearly have a seminal influence on the lives of their children. Particular teachers can have a major impact. But there’s no question youth coaches have a huge affect on many of the young players on their team. What you say, how you say it, how you act and how you treat people does matter -- a lot. Ask yourself: How will I want to be remembered by this group of players, by each individual player, in 20 years?

Be the kind of coach that will make people remember you fondly, as a positive inspiration in their life, as someone who made a real difference, whether they go on in the sporting field or not. Your players will remember you for a long, long time. What do you want their memory of you to be?

7) Don’t hide your head in the sand. Make yourself aware of personality conflicts on your team, and work to resolve them

Many youth coaches don’t want to know if there are conflicts on their young team. Worse, if they do know there are issues, they don’t know how to deal with the situation effectively. Just like adults, we can’t expect young people, particularly young people competing against one another for playing time and recognition, etc. to always like each other, or to get along. But you can make it a point to hear, watch and see what’s going on. And you, as the team leader, can engender a sense of camaraderie, togetherness, and foster the notion of respect for each other on and off the field of play. Insist on it.

8) Keep your players’ egos in check

Some coaches may not think that this is an issue in youth sports, but in this day and age, it is. Young people see “the pros” showboating, trash-talking and generally acting in a manner that most parents would not approve of. Even the great soccer-star Zidane, in some people’s minds, may well have set a poor example in this regard in the final of the 2006 World Cup. (Zidane at least was, in his own mind, defending his family’s honour when he was involved in the controversial ‘head-butting’ incident, after an opposing player evidently made several classless on-field remarks.)

While we all want our kids to have healthy self-esteem and a good sense of self-worth, too much “attitude” can lead to an over-developed sense of self-importance. As coach, you have the opportunity—and the responsibility—to see that your players don’t fall into this pattern. If you don’t deal with it, you will generally see a negative impact on the players, your team, and your efforts to build a tight-knit group.

9) Listen to your players. Don’t assume you have all the answers

We adults often think we have the answers, because we have “life experience”. This life experience can lead to wisdom. It can also lead to rigid thinking that hasn’t changed in decades. This certainly applies to coaching. Coaches who say, “this is the way it was in my day”, or think because they played the game at a high level that they know everything there is to know, may be doing their players a disservice. The way things were done in “your day” may not have been the best way. Much like parenting, why would we want to repeat the mistakes made by our own parents? I work professionally with many young athletes and I often hear of their frustration with coaches who just won’t listen, won’t take input from those who are actually on the field, playing the game NOW. Hearing is a sense. Listening is a skill. Develop that skill— especially when it comes to relating to your players.

One other thing on this subject: As I mentioned earlier, take the time to find out what each player really loves about a particular sport. Sometimes a coach will be with a young person for an entire season and will never bother to find out that the player loves a certain aspect of the sport. Find out. Then build on that to help them become an even better all-around player.

10) Model real leadership. Don’t talk “we” and act “me”. If you talk about leadership but don’t live it, your players will tune you out.

Leadership is easy to talk – and write about— and much harder to show. But as a youth sports coach, you have a wonderful opportunity to model positive leadership. How you speak with your players, the way you instruct, how you handle situations when players make mistakes and how you communicate with players on a daily basis are all vitally important examples of your leadership style. You are showing by your own actual behavioral example what you believe is the “right” way for an adult in a position of authority to handle themselves. You should always have handy a mental checklist, a self-monitoring system that makes you ask yourself, “will I feel badly tomorrow about what I am about to say or do right now?”

We all make mistakes, and if you make one, be strong enough to acknowledge that you let a player down and then apologize to them. The willingness to do that will set a tremendous example as well.

11) Be consistent in your discipline and expectations, regardless of whether it’s your “stars” or those who play less often.

Young people generally recognize pretty quickly when a coach says one thing, then does something different. While you should aim to get to know all of your players as individuals, and know what motivates them and react accordingly, you should establish firm team expectations – and stick with them. Suppose “star” players miss practice regularly, or don’t work hard in drills, or put down their teammates (or act out in games against opponents or referees). Do you ignore this behavior because you “need” that player to “win”? The players should know what your rules, guidelines and expectations are, and realize there will be consequences— regardless of who breaks the rules.

12) The Golden Rule: Monitor how your players treat one another

For some coaches, this notion is somehow totally unimportant. It should be important to you. If you have certain players putting down others on a young team, it’s toxic and spreads. Don’t be lulled into thinking it doesn’t matter. It does. The world is still full of “Eddie Haskell” (a famous teenage character from the classic ‘Leave It To Beaver’ television program) types— kids who are nice to the coach or certain adults, but are jerks to teammates or others they don’t like.

If you see inappropriate behavior of any kind, deal with it firmly. The old adage “boys will be boys” doesn’t cut it—in male or female youth sports. Talk to the instigator/s privately and make it clear you will not tolerate that behavior on your team, full stop.

13) Be respectful of parents

Youth coaches (sometimes understandably) tend to look at parents as necessary evils. We parents can be a pain, no question. Coaches don’t want to “deal” with parents, and delegate an assistant coach or team manager to handle all interpersonal situations. You may be saying to yourself, “Hey, I’m a volunteer, I already give up lots of my time…” which is a fair point if you don’t have a son or daughter on your team. But parents do deserve to know how their son or daughter is doing, why they are playing a lot or a little, and if there are things they could be doing to make the overall soccer experience for their child a better one. Ideally, set aside a night every few weeks to have telephone appointments to discuss progress, privately, calmly and away from the field.

14) Always be open to new players, but be loyal to dedicated returning players

Just because a player made an “all-star” or “rep” team at the age of 10 shouldn’t give them an automatic renewal license for all long as they want to stay on a team. This can lead to a sense of entitlement that is not healthy. A young athlete should have to constantly enhance their skills, work diligently, attend practices, volunteer time, and maintain a positive attitude. If you have a real team player on your hands, keep them. If a new player comes by who may have a little more talent—be open but also keep your eyes open. Too often coaches are willing to sacrifice a solid but unspectacular player for an incoming “star”, but remember—the star may bring some baggage, so do your homework.

15) Ask yourself: Are you being the adult in the relationship with your player/players?

In my advisory work with young athletes, I regularly see situations (albeit from the perspective of the young athlete) where it strikes me that the player has to assume the role of the adult in the coach-player relationship. The coach doesn’t have a true open door policy, may be a ‘talker’ but not an effective communicator, may be a de-motivator, etc. When issues arise, there is silence, not an effort to resolve things and so feelings fester and simmer. This forces the young person to plan a strategy to deal effectively with the situation. I often will recommend that the young person initiate a private tete-a-tete, since the coach seems uninterested or unwilling to address an obvious problem. The meeting doesn’t always solve the issue, but at least there is an attempt at open communication.

As the coach, you be the adult. You are the adult, so accept the responsibility. Set a high standard in terms of your performance and behavior expectations of the young athletes (but understand they are young and will make mistakes), and in return do the same to and for yourself.

16) Recognize that every player on your team must not only feel they are an important part of your team/success, they must know it. That comes from you.

I quite often will hear a professional coach say things such as, “As a coach, I try to make everyone on the team feel important”. Well, that’s all very nice. All your players should feel important. But your job is not to make them feel important, it is to make them know and fully understand that they really are important. In any team sport, not even the greatest players of their generation— Bobby Orr, Wayne Gretzky, Jim Brown, Michael Jordan. Pele —could win a game, much less a championship, on their own. Every player on their squad likely contributed something significant at some point that changed the outcome of a particular game or season. Your players, especially the ones who perhaps play less than the others, need to know clearly they are an invaluable part of any success your team has. And you need to make this understood to all your players, especially those who think they are the straw that stirs the drink.

17) Are there consequences to your expectations or are they just idle threats?

In short, we don’t need to be a psychologist to understand that if your leadership, rules and expectations are to have any impact, you must be consistent not only in outlining but also in acting upon your expectations. It is imperative that you demonstrate that there are clear consequences. Anything short of real consequences and these smart young people will call your bluff and tune you out—to your face, or behind your back.

18) If you cannot provide certain expertise find it for your team.

In this day and age, coaches should be humble enough to recognize they don’t know everything. Fitness and nutrition are important, so if this is not an area you have knowledge about, bring in people who do to share information with your athletes. As a coach, if you have no legitimate expertise as a keeper/goalie coach, for example, in sports such as soccer or hockey, seek out someone who can provide it. Misinformation or poor instruction are probably worse in these instances than no information or instruction at all. Many a young goalie has been harmed mentally and emotionally by a coach who simply does not know what they are talking about.

_______________________________

Michael Langlois, founder of Prospect Communications Inc., is a frequent guest speaker to youth sports organizations. He is the father of four sons and has been involved in youth sports for well over 20 years. He is a recognized expert in the field of communications and issues management. Michael also acts as a private advisor to a wide range of clients in the sports field, including various Associations, elite athletes and National Hockey League coaches. He has written articles and books on youth sports for many years, including, “How Well Do You Communicate? A Guide to Better Communication with Players and Parents for Youth Soccer Coaches”. Prospect’s web site is located at http://www.prospectcommunications.com/

Building Your Minor/Youth Hockey Team With Real Team Players

2010-03-15T17:09:00.002-04:00

Spring, 2010

15 traits — good and bad —

that coaches should identify when looking for a true team player in youth sports

So you’re the coach of a very high-level and competitive youth hockey team.

You want your players to love the game, have fun and hopefully achieve some “success”.

For you, success means far more than wins and losses. Oh, you want to win. Any competitive person — young or old, coach, player or parent — wants to win, even in so-called “youth” sports.

But beyond that, you really do aspire to help build character in the young people in your care, build a team that plays hard and tough but fair.

So what are you looking for as you build this competitive young hockey team?

Players with talent, to be sure.

Young athletes with a passion for the sport, absolutely.

But if you really want to have a “successful” team of young players, based on the above criteria, you will need to find true ‘team’ players.

Again, what are you looking for? What is a true ‘team’ player in youth sports?

True team players may not always be the most talented or naturally gifted players, but they make your team better by their sheer presence. The poor team player has an attitude that can spread like a disease, and over time can kill the harmony and chemistry that is often critically important in helping you attain the positive goals you have set out for your young squad.

Here are some qualities, attributes, characteristics and/or behaviour patterns you will — and won’t— want to have on your team

1) Positive attitude

It’s an easy term to throw out there, but more than ever, in a generation filled with bulging egos and self-interest, a positive attitude — toward others and your team— is critically important in choosing an athlete for a high-level team.

What are tell-tale signs of a good — or bad — attitude in a young athlete?

Does the player listen, or does he slough off input from coaches?
Does the player have a strong work ethic all over the ice, including in his own zone?
Does he/she have the ability to self-reflect, to really look at themselves in the mirror and see when they are not performing the way they should?
Does the player work out on their own, beyond regular practices?
Does the individual accept constructive criticism?
Does the player work on their shortcomings, or only focus on the things they like to do or are good at?

As a coach, you can fill in the blanks with many other attributes relating to the importance of attitude.

In short, you want the player who will play a role when needed, accept the non-glory jobs, play (as much as is reasonable to expect of a young athlete) for the team more than simply for goals and assists — or their own egos.

2) Work ethic

The willingness to work hard, really hard, to improve your skills is vital.

Wayne Gretzky was a hockey phenom with wonderful instincts and vision, but worked and worked to get better every day. Terry O’Reilley had a tremendous career with the Boston Bruins, but most observers will suggest he would never have made it to the NHL without a remarkable work ethic. He needed to work on his skating,, for example — and he did. He knew that he would stand out only through a real work ethic, and he set a very high bar, by all accounts.

Does being a diligent worker make you a great team player? Not necessarily, if you don’t associate with and respect your fellow players.

But the vast majority of young athletes who work hard do so because they love the sport, truly want to be the best they can be, and by extension are great influences on their team.

Being a good teammate and team player is not necessarily being the most ‘popular’, but it can include setting important examples, especially in terms of work ethic.

3) A player who shows respect for the coach and their teammates

No player, from the youngest “house league” player to the star NHL’er, will always agree with their coach.

Whether the issue is playing time, method of instruction, discipline, whatever, there will always be the possibility of disagreement.

But the team player will recognize that the coach may see the ‘big picture’ and will follow the coach’s plan for the team. This player doesn’t freelance and simply do his or her own thing.

The team player will do his or her best to adopt the strategic recommendations of the coach, and respect the coach’s philosophy — assuming, of course, the youth coach is of strong character with solid values.

(On this point, parents have every right to disagree with a coach, but those disagreements should be discussed privately, away from other players and parents.

If the conflicts cannot be resolved, the parents have the option of raising legitimate issues or concerns with a “higher authority” or seeking an alternate program for their son or daughter.)

Assuming good will on everyone’s part, the player with the team uppermost in mind will respect not only his coach, but also his or her fellow players. That final point should not be undervalued. A player who respects their teammates is worth their weight in gold.

This doesn’t mean there won’t be joking, camaraderie and even some healthy competition and occasional words of criticism.

But if the basis of the relationship is genuine respect, then the relationship can build and flourish.

4) Negative body language

Visit any hockey arena, and you will see young players, very young players, demonstrate negative body language that must have been learned by example: an example set by watching older players on TV, or in their own homes.

Some specific examples of this behaviour?

Players shoot the evil eye at teammates when that other player is thought to have made a mistake; they throw their hands up in the air whenever an officials’ call goes against them or their team (it seems to be human nature to disagree with calls by referees on occasion, but when a player reacts repeatedly, it is a problem); they won’t look their coach in the eye, talk back or simply tune their coach out. All these can be small but important signs that this particular player will let you — and the team— down at crunch time.

5) The selfish player

Selfish play doesn’t only show itself when a player won’t “pass the puck”. That does happen, and can pose a problem, of course, if a young player repeatedly refuses to look for the open man when the opportunity calls for it.

But selfish play shows itself in a variety of ways, and youth coaches need to be on guard. The player who incessantly harps at game officials is not a team player, because he/she is only hurting their team by complaining constantly to officials who, being human, may take out their own frustration against your team.

The player who constantly throws his hands up in the air when a call goes against him is being selfish.

Again, the example is often set at the pro levels. When Tie Domi hit Scott Niedermeyer with a violent elbow to the head — for no apparent reason— at the end of a critical NHL playoff game a few years ago, many believe the thoughtless act wrecked any chances his team, the Maple Leafs, had of upsetting the favored New Jersey Devils. Domi was suspended for the senseless act, and rather than focus on a great game the Leafs had just played in victory, the media and the hockey world focused solely on Domi’s actions. A thoughtless, selfish play hurt his team, badly.

The Leafs lost the series.

6) The blame game

Perhaps it is a reflection of the way some professional athletes act out, or maybe it is that too many of us as parents have gone overboard in ‘supporting’ our own kids. Whatever, far too many young athletes simply look to blame others when things go wrong.

Rather than look at their own performance, they pick at teammates, blame others for goals that are scored, and generally fail to recognize their own errors while focusing on the ‘mistakes’ of others.

This attitude can spread like wildfire, and is highly toxic.

7) “I’m better than you”

Everyone is, of course, entitled to their own opinion. Listen in the stands at any hockey rink at youth games and you’ll hear plenty of opinions, on a range of subjects.

Opinions become an issue, however, when parents start thinking their kid is better than everyone else’s.

And when the young players themselves act as though they are better than their teammates — either in the actual things the say, the tone they adopt when interacting with fellow players, coaches, or the way they exclude certain teammates on or off the ice, it is a major problem.

Young players who think they’re great, and that others are the problem, create an environment for failure, on many levels.

8) “I’ll play anywhere, coach”

Most every coach loves the player who is versatile, can play different positions and accepts tough roles.

Often, part of being a good team player is being the kind of player that a coach can count on to embrace sometimes low-profile but difficult assignments.

We’ve all heard the expression, “Take one for the team”.

The real team player takes that phrase to heart.

9) Humility

Genuine humility is difficult to find, at any age. We are all taught a kind of superficial, false modesty at a very young age, and that is socially encouraged, to a certain extent.

And human nature being what it is, we all have pride. That’s OK.

But developing a truly humble attitude is a wonderful trait in a young athlete. To take pride in working toward or achieving a goal is probably a healthy thing.

But reminding him or her self that few if any athletes accomplish things totally on their own is a good thing for young athletes. You usually need helpful and supportive parents, excellent coaches, teammates who also strive to be better, as part of one’s support system.

Even world class athletes in “individual”, non-team sports such as gymnastics, figure-skating and swimming need the support of others to attain great things, whether that support is financial, emotional or otherwise.

Goodness knows the professional sports world often seems to be filled with individuals who think primarily of themselves. The youth sports world — and your team— can always do with some humility.

10) Picking up and supporting a fellow player when they are down

The player you are looking for can identify when a teammate is struggling, needs a pat on the back, and a shot of confidence.

This is tough to expect when players are really young, but by the time a young person is 12 or 13, it is something that you can look for.

I remember a few years ago that I asked one of my clients, an NHL player, a question that I sensed he had never been asked before. I asked him if he could identify one player in his pro career who he thought of as a truly excellent teammate and team player, specifically someone who didn’t blame others and supported his own teammates when they were down, etc..

He named James Patrick, the long time defenseman, who has had a quiet but lengthy and distinguished career in the NHL before announcing his retirement before the start of the 2005-’06 NHL season.

That has always stayed with me.

As a youth hockey coach, you want to find as many James Patrick-type players as possible!

11) Helping other/younger players

This does not necessarily apply until older ages when say, a 13 or 14 year old is playing with older athletes, but it can be a very important attribute in an “older” youth player.

The great teammate senses when a younger player is struggling, uncomfortable or anxious. He/she will spend some time with the younger player, talk with them, help them to understand that they are an important part of the team, and generally include them in activities on and off the ice.

I remember many years ago, when I was coaching a youth baseball team. One of my four sons was on the team. (Yes, I was one of those coaches with a son on their team!). There was quite an age spread on this particular team, 13 to 16.

During one game, I came down very hard on my son (who was 13 at the time), in a way that I likely would not have with any other player. I unloaded. He accepted it and but was hurt and upset and quietly went to seek a quiet space in the corner of the dugout.

One of his teammates, a 16 year-old catcher and true team leader, quietly went over, knelt down in front of my son, took him gently by the shoulders and just spoke with him privately.

That response lifted my son’s spirits and made him feel much, much better, and also showed the quality of character of this young person.

That day, a 16-year old did a lot more for my son’s growth and development than I did.

He also reinforced for me what a true team player is, at any level of sport.

12) Showing genuine happiness when others succeed

This is hard for most of us as adults, so it is quite an expectation for us to have of a young athlete.

This is especially difficult during the tryout process, when players are obviously competing for positions on the team.

But once the final squad is selected, it is important that players support one another in good times and bad.

It can be particularly challenging to find joy in the success of your teammates, but if you can, it is a wonderful gift to share.

The coach who identifies a lot of players who can do this will have a strong team, on and off the ice.

13) A focus on fitness

There is more to being a good hockey player than scoring goals. There is no question that if a young person wants to be an elite athlete, they need to get into outstanding physical condition.

Is your potential player willing to do additional training on their own and with teammates? Young players who make this kind of commitment demonstrate they have a genuine desire to succeed.

By being in great condition, a young player won’t let themself down, and they won’t let their team down, either.

14) Welcoming “new” players to the team

There is often an awkward transition period for any athlete, but perhaps especially young athletes, when a player changes teams or joins a new team.

The young player may not know many of his/her fellow players and teammates, and there may be a period of discomfort.

The team player will welcome newcomers to the team, answer their questions, share experiences and generally offer a genuine and warm welcome, both on and off the ice.

15) The follower

Not every person — or athlete— is a leader, so it is certainly not reasonable to expect that every young player will be a leader.

Our course, one thing to be aware of as a youth coach is the young player who is not only not a leader, but is a follower— and someone who follows the wrong kind of example.

That kind of follower is the one that easily falls in with negative peer influences, displays immature judgments or inappropriate outbursts with coaches, fellow players or officials, for example.

One player with a negative attitude can carry other players who fall into the ‘follower’ category with them, and that can seriously impede team harmony.

Final thoughts

There are, of course, other attributes as a coach that you will have taken note of over the years in building a youth team. But these 15 things give a coach some points to seriously consider, as they go about building a real “team” in youth sports.

A final thought: Too many teams are kept together from year to year in youth sports, because of a variety of factors, with no room for “new blood”.

This can be troubling for a couple of reasons. By almost automatically keeping the same players year after year, regardless of attitude or work ethic, players and their parents develop a sense of entitlement that they, without question, deserve to be on a particular team.

Also, a youth coach, in adopting this restrictive approach, may miss some players who would be excellent additions to their squad, and be real team players.

Unfortunately, the “tryout” process is often way too short. The longer a coach can carry on their tryout process, the better they will be able to identify the traits, qualities and characteristics that will help them locate these sometimes hidden gems.

And a team player is just that: a gem.

___________________

Michael Langlois, founder of Prospect Communications Inc., is the author of the book, “How Well Do You Communicate? A Guide to Better Communication with Players and Parents for Minor (Youth) Soccer Coaches”. Prospect’s web site is located at http://www.prospectcommunications.com/. This article is copyrighted to the author and may not be reproduced without obtaining written permission. To inquire about licensing the right to reproduce any of the enclosed content email: inquiries@prospectcommunications.com

A message from Michael

2010-03-12T17:23:00.005-05:00

For those of you visiting this site for the first time, welcome!

Professionally, I’ve worked in the communications field for more than thirty years and have been involved in sports—particularly the youth sports world—for about twenty-five years.

Through the many articles and books we have written over the years, we have always tried to provide some simple, but highly effective and practical tips for youth coaches to integrate as they build relationships with young players—and their parents.

We also try to instill some important values in our writings and seminars. We hope you will take a moment to read some of what we have to offer. While our articles are copyrighted, we generally are glad to give permission to organizations who might like to utilize one of our pieces for instructional purposes. If you are interested, simply contact us at michael@prospectcommunications.com

This site includes some of our most popular articles. We hope you enjoy your visit.

An unforgettable moment of character and sportsmanship

2010-03-11T16:08:00.002-05:00

First published on prospectcommunications.blogspot.com - Wednesday, August 20, 2008

*****

The following article, from ESPN.com some weeks ago, is a wonderful story which expresses a number of sentiments, including the adage, "actions speak louder than words".

The story speaks for itself, and stands as a seemingly rare but tremendously important example of genuine sportsmanship.

NOTE: The author of the piece, Graham Hays, offers the following sidebar in his piece to clarify the rule central to this incident: "As one of the umpires involved in the game between Central Washington and Western Oregon confirmed in an e-mail to ESPN.com, the rule in question was misinterpreted on the field after Tucholsky's injury and later clarified by the NCAA. According to page 105, rule 8.5.3.2 of the NCAA softball rule book, "If an injury to a batter-runner or runner prevents her from proceeding to an awarded base, the ball is dead and the substitution can be made. The substitute must legally touch all awarded or missed bases not previously touched."

*****

Central Washington offers the ultimate act of sportsmanship

by Graham Hays

Western Oregon senior Sara Tucholsky had never hit a home run in her career. Central Washington senior Mallory Holtman was already her school's career leader in them. But when a twist of fate and a torn knee ligament brought them face to face with each other and face to face with the end of their playing days, they combined on a home run trot that celebrated the collective human spirit far more than individual athletic achievement.

Both schools compete as Division II softball programs in the Great Northwest Athletic Conference. Neither has ever reached the NCAA tournament at the Division II level. But when they arrived for Saturday's conference doubleheader at Central Washington's 300-seat stadium in Ellensburg, a small town 100 miles and a mountain range removed from Seattle, the hosts resided one game behind the visitors at the top of the conference standings. As was the case at dozens of other diamonds across the map, two largely anonymous groups prepared to play the most meaningful games of their seasons.

It was a typical Saturday of softball in April, right down to a few overzealous fans heckling an easy target, the diminutive Tucholsky, when she came to the plate in the top of the second inning of the second game with two runners on base and the game still scoreless after Western Oregon's 8-1 win in the first game of the afternoon.

"I just remember trying to block them out," Tucholsky said of the hecklers. "The first pitch I took, it was a strike. And then I really don't remember where the home run pitch was at all; [I] just remember hitting it, and I knew it was out."

A part-time starter in the outfield throughout her four years, Tucholsky had been caught in a numbers game this season on a deep roster that entered the weekend hitting better than .280 and having won nine games in a row. Prior to the pitch she sent over the center-field fence, she had just three hits in 34 at-bats this season. And in that respect, her hitting heroics would have made for a pleasing, if familiar, story line on their own: an unsung player steps up in one of her final games and lifts her team's postseason chances.

But it was what happened after an overly excited Tucholsky missed first base on her home run trot and reversed direction to tag the bag that proved unforgettable.

"Sara is small -- she's like 5-2, really tiny," Western Oregon coach Pam Knox said. "So you would never think that she would hit a home run. The score was 0-0, and Sara hit a shot over center field. And I'm coaching third and I'm high-fiving the other two runners that came by -- then all of a sudden, I look up, and I'm like, 'Where's Sara?' And I look over, and she's in a heap beyond first base."

While she was doubling back to tag first base, Tucholsky's right knee gave out. The two runners who had been on base already had crossed home plate, leaving her the only offensive player on the field of play, even as she lay crumpled in the dirt a few feet from first base and a long way from home plate. First-base coach Shannon Prochaska -- Tucholsky's teammate for three seasons and the only voice she later remembered hearing in the ensuing conversation -- checked to see whether she could crawl back to the base under her own power.

As Knox explained, "It went through my mind, I thought, 'If I touch her, she's going to kill me.' It's her only home run in four years. I didn't want to take that from her, but at the same time, I was worried about her."

Umpires confirmed that the only option available under the rules was to replace Tucholsky at first base with a pinch runner and have the hit recorded as a two-run single instead of a three-run home run. Any assistance from coaches or trainers while she was an active runner would result in an out. So without any choice, Knox prepared to make the substitution, taking both the run and the memory from Tucholsky.

"And right then," Knox said, "I heard, 'Excuse me, would it be OK if we carried her around and she touched each bag?'"

The voice belonged to Holtman, a four-year starter who owns just about every major offensive record there is to claim in Central Washington's record book. She also is staring down a pair of knee surgeries as soon as the season ends. Her knees ache after every game, but having already used a redshirt season earlier in her career, and ready to move on to graduate school and coaching at Central, she put the operations on hold so as to avoid missing any of her final season. Now, with her own opportunity for a first postseason appearance very much hinging on the outcome of the game -- her final game at home -- she stepped up to help a player she knew only as an opponent for four years.

"Honestly, it's one of those things that I hope anyone would do it for me," Holtman said. "She hit the ball over her fence. She's a senior; it's her last year. … I don't know, it's just one of those things I guess that maybe because compared to everyone on the field at the time, I had been playing longer and knew we could touch her, it was my idea first. But I think anyone who knew that we could touch her would have offered to do it, just because it's the right thing to do. She was obviously in agony."

Holtman and shortstop Liz Wallace lifted Tucholsky off the ground and supported her weight between them as they began a slow trip around the bases, stopping at each one so Tucholsky's left foot could secure her passage onward. Even with Tucholsky feeling the pain of what trainers subsequently came to believe was a torn ACL (she was scheduled for tests to confirm the injury on Monday), the surreal quality of perhaps the longest and most crowded home run trot in the game's history hit all three players.

"We all started to laugh at one point, I think when we touched the first base," Holtman said. "I don't know what it looked like to observers, but it was kind of funny because Liz and I were carrying her on both sides and we'd get to a base and gently, barely tap her left foot, and we'd all of a sudden start to get the giggles a little bit."

Accompanied by a standing ovation from the fans, they finally reached home plate and passed the home run hitter into the arms of her own teammates.

Then Holtman and Wallace returned to their positions and tried to win the game.

Hollywood would have a difficult time deciding how such a script should end, whether to leave Tucholsky's home run as the decisive blow or reward the selfless actions of her opponents. Reality has less room for such philosophical quandaries. Central Washington did rally for two runs in the bottom of the second -- runs that might have tied the game had Knox been forced to replace Tucholsky -- but Western Oregon held on for a 4-2 win.

But unlike a movie, the credits didn't roll after the final out, and the story that continues has little to do with those final scores.

"It kept everything in perspective and the fact that we're never bigger than the game," Knox said of the experience. "It was such a lesson that we learned -- that it's not all about winning. And we forget that, because as coaches, we're always trying to get to the top. We forget that. But I will never, ever forget this moment. It's changed me, and I'm sure it's changed my players."

For her part, Holtman seems not altogether sure what all the fuss is about. She seems to genuinely believe that any player in her position on any field on any day would have done the same thing. Which helps explains why it did happen on that day and on that field.

And she appreciates the knowledge that while the results of Saturday's game and her senior season soon will fade into the dust and depth of old media guides and Internet archives, the story of what happened in her final game at home will live on far longer.

"I think that happening on Senior Day, it showed the character of our team," Holtman said. "Because granted I thought of it, but everyone else would have done it. It's something people will talk about for Senior Day. They won't talk about who got hits and what happened and who won; they'll talk about that. And it's kind of a nice way to go out, because it shows what our program is about and the kind of people we have here."

*****

To view the article on ESPN.com, follow this link:

http://sports.espn.go.com/ncaa/columns/story?id=3372631

To read more of the writings of Graham Hays, follow this link:

http://search.espn.go.com/graham-hays/

Youth hockey leaders watching the NHL leadership very closely

2010-03-10T13:56:00.000-05:00

The National Hockey League General Managers’ have been meeting this week with a number of items on their annual agenda—but no issue is more important than “head shots”.

The league will be announcing, we assume, some form of crackdown on what many feel has become an epidemic. Most fans want to keep hockey’s physical element, but the speed of the game, combined with bigger athletes and bigger equipment is causing huge problems.

People can debate whether players have lost respect for one another, but regardless of whether that is an issue or not, leaders in youth hockey across Canada and the United States will no doubt be watching any NHL pronouncements on this contentious subject very closely.

I’m among those who believe strongly that steps need to be taken to eliminate a) hitting from behind and b) head shots.

Going back to the days of Howie Meeker, the former Maple Leaf player, coach and longtime TV analyst, hockey people have preached “finishing the check”. Players know they face repercussions from their coaches if they don’t, and we now have frightening injury “statistics”—real people getting hurt—and we have to stem the tide.

People will say hitting has always been a part of the game, and it has been and will be. But we know more now than we did we thirty, forty and fifty years ago about injuries and particularly concussions.

Let’s use that knowledge.

The game can remain physical, but we can also work to eliminate some of what has been allowed for too long.

Back in the ‘70s, hockey bench-clearing brawls were commonplace. The league finally took the problem seriously, and now you virtually never see that kind of thing.

We can achieve the same kind of thing now. We can keep the game fast and tough, but safe.

Ultimately, what the NHL does will hopefully help youth hockey.

It’s past the time to take a step back

2010-03-10T13:51:00.002-05:00

First published on prospectcommunications.blogspot.com - Wednesday, November 11, 2009

*****

Credit should go to Ryan Pyette of the London Free Press for his recent thoughtful piece on serious hockey injuries as an issue leaders in the sport simply have to look at.

The column came on the heels of an incident in which a young 16 year-old Ontario Hockey League player was seriously injured when checked, arguably from behind, by a 20 year-old player.

The league has now suspended the aggressor for the rest of the season.

As Pyette points out, hockey is a fast, skilled and physically tough sport. Injuries will happen, many without any intent on the part of the person who caused the injury.

Toughness and hard-hits have always been a part of the game, and applauded by almost everyone. No one wants to see a hockey game without physical contact. It’s part of why millions love NFL football, and professional hockey.

But we have reached a point where the physical nature of the sport –fueled by how those in the sport still think about toughness - may well have pushed the envelope too far for the good of the players and the game itself.

Pyette raises the issue of whether parents will now –more than ever- consider college hockey as a better and safer alternative for their sons.

Here’s the reality: As I mentioned above, the history of Canadian hockey is that we like our skill, we like a fast game, but we seem to love that hard-hitting, tough style.

It leads to a macho mentality. You have to finish your checks, and hit hard. Very hard. I’ve had hockey parents come up to me and talk about their son playing youth hockey, “You should have seen my son drill that guy”. It’s a source of pride to be tough.

“Toughness” can be a great quality in life. Mental toughness is important. Many sports do demand a kind of physical toughness.

But like most “good” things, taken too far, it’s a problem.

Players can say they don’t hit to injure, but they certainly hit to hurt, and given the reality of the human body, that’s really no distinction at all.

Players are bigger and skate faster than ever before. The huge equipment players wear is a big problem. It makes players feel they aren’t vulnerable, yet they are, in part because of the equipment they wear.

Football and hockey were both probably safer (still “hard-hitting” but safer) when players dressed more like rugby players than gladiators.

Think about: fans -and the media - have spent countless hours in recent years discussing the apparent epidemic of serious injuries—head shots (many still “legal” in hockey terms); hitting from behind situations; concussions; knee injuries and more.

It really does have to stop.

When you have 16 year-old playing against men, the risks are already there. Unless hockey authorities begin to absolutely, once and for all, outlaw hitting from behind or even the side, this problem will continue.

NHL GM’s met this week, and reports suggest movement was made about creating new rules to reduce dangerous hits. Too often in the past the league talked around the real issues. They can’t seem to decide what types of hits should be “legal”.

To me, the question is not what is legal in hockey terms, but what is dangerous.

The game has changed. Rules, and what is—and isn’t—allowed, should evolve as a result.

It has taken generations to get people to recognize the problems associated with smoking, for example, and to change behaviour. And still, probably 20% or more of people smoke in Canada and the United States.

Changing the mentality around hockey won’t be easy. You don’t want to lose the great parts of the action, but surely protecting the basic safety of vulnerable athletes—especially at the younger ages—must be a priority.

"Irate soccer mom brings game to screeching halt"

2010-03-08T16:39:00.007-05:00

First published on prospectcommunications.blogspot.com - Wednesday, August 15, 2007

Irate soccer mom brings game to screeching halt

It’s not as though we have never seen this type of headline before.

But the particular details—a youth soccer game in July of this year involving kids under the age of 8, with a 14-year old referee—reflect a kind of “over-invested” attitude that many of us, as parents, need to address.

In this particular instance, a mother and father of a young player were charged with assault against the young referee.

By all accounts the local soccer Association dealt with the matter promptly and effectively. But after all the public discourse on the subject of parents fighting with coaches, referees, and other parents, we wonder: why does this kind of thing still happen?

While these “events” are not exactly common, they aren’t quite rare, either. Those of us who have stood on the sidelines at a soccer or baseball game, or in a rink at a youth hockey game, can readily attest that the emotional heat gets turned up pretty quickly, and way too often.

Any number of things can flip the switch—a young player who is perceived to be playing “dirty”; a coach who does not play a particular child as much as another player; a referee’s decision; a comment by a parent on the “opposing” team, and many other things.

All these are triggers, and because this generation of parents is so invested in our kids, it sometimes takes very little to get certain individuals going.

Those of us involved in the sports world, including the youth sports field, have made numerous suggestions over the years as to how this type of behaviour can be at least somewhat mitigated. For example, I wrote very widely published articles within the last two years on the subjects of “Soccer Sideline Etiquette” and “Hockey Rink Etiquette” for parents. The articles were overwhelmingly well received by sports organizations across Canada and the United States, but any of us who have written on this or similar subjects recognize that it’s not an easy problem to “solve”.

Many years ago minor hockey officials in Canada developed ad campaigns encouraging parents to take their kids to the rink to watch them play. The message was simple: spend time with your kids. A few years and many incidents later, officials encouraged parents to drop their kids off at the local rink—a clear indication that things had changed and that hockey officials now believed that parents served best as taxi drivers than as a loud, argumentative presence setting horrible examples from the stands.

It must be human nature: we all (or at least most of us) seem to think our kids are “better” than the other kids; deserve more playing time; always receive the bad end of referees’ decisions; are the ones that spend more time listening to other parents complaining than we complain ourselves.

Most of us would really benefit from actually looking in the proverbial mirror, and assessing if we contribute to the problems that often surface in youth sports. We may not be the person who harasses a 14-year old referee, but if we help create a toxic atmosphere on our son or daughter’s youth team, we are contributing to the problems that create the unhappiness that leads to these totally unacceptable outbursts.

********

Michael Langlois, founder of Prospect Communications Inc., is the author of the book, “How Well Do You Communicate? A Guide to Better Communication with Players and Parents for Minor (Youth) Soccer Coaches”. Prospect’s web site is located at http://www.prospectcommunications.com/. This article is copyrighted to the author and may not be reproduced without obtaining written permission. To inquire about licensing the right to reproduce any of the enclosed content email: inquiries@prospectcommunications.com

Time for a priority check

2010-03-08T16:33:00.007-05:00

First published on prospecommunications.blogspot.com on Tuesday, December 11, 2007

******

Just days ago, in Southern Ontario, a "brawl" of sorts broke out during a hockey game.

That in and of itself is not stirring news. But when we discover that the participants were not professionals or even junior age players, but rather 8 year-olds, it does beg some questions, including:

Where are the "coaches" in these situations? At the NHL level, in this day and age, coaches are suspended in situations where they are seen to not be "in control" of their players—players who themselves are grown men. Are these youth "coaches" not "in control" of their players?
What messages are these young, impressionable children (they are children, not "athletes", at this age) receiving from their coaches?
If we can’t "blame" the children for this kind of event, then where do we look? What influence are parents having, for example? The media?

We’ve all heard time and again that the "problem" is that parents all think their kinds will make it to the pro level, and thus are over-invested in their kids. And this leads, based on that theory, to misplaced priorities, etc.

But surely we’re not having brawls at the age of 8 because ALL the parents of these kids think they are raising future NHL’ers.

Are we taking youth sports way too seriously? Are our priorities in fact messed up? Do we keep score too soon? Is the pervasive ‘winning at all costs’ attitude seeping all the way down to the youngest levels of the game?

It’s too easy to generalize, but this is serious stuff. Not the "sky is falling" kind of serious, perhaps, but it’s serious when little kids start hockey brawls.

Hockey Canada and various provincial Associations have spent tons of money in recent years on education—ad campaigns directed at parents, seminars for coaches, clinics on not hitting from behind, players wearing STOP patches, studies on concussions and much more.

But as long as Canada wins gold every year at the World Juniors, everyone is happy.

What’s a brawl or two on the way to what’s really important?

When a Dad goes too far

2010-03-08T16:27:00.007-05:00

Within the last couple of years, maybe a year or so ago, I'm not exactly certain, I came across a story out of the United States, which indicated that a “football dad” in the Boston area actually slugged his son’s coach.

As the story goes, the coach of the 12 year-old youth team apparently had disciplined the boy, who had arrived a few minutes ‘late’ for practice.

Given what occurred afterwards, it’s hard to imagine this was anything other than a situation that had been brewing for some time. Surely no father, no matter how over-invested they might be, would react to an isolated situation where their son may have had to do laps, or whatever the ‘punishment’ might have been for being late to practice. There seemingly had to be something more to this situation.

While youth coaches often try to instill a kind of overall team discipline, the focus in this instance may have been misdirected.

Clearly, like most youth involved in sports, a 12 year-old relies on busy parents to get to practices at all, much less, “on time”.

Perhaps there were fully discussed “rules” in place that all families had agreed upon. Maybe not. I don’t know the details.

Setting aside this particular circumstance, and speaking in general terms, there are steps a youth coach can take to at least try to prevent disappointment, misunderstanding, bitterness—or worse, on the part of families involved in his or her Club program

For example, the youth coach should host meetings with parents as a group at the beginning of a season, and then individually with parents and their son/daughter.

The objective is to establish the coach’s priorities, as well as those of that particular ‘team’ and the Club in general, so all parties understand and are on the same page. From there, he/she works toward, if it is possible, agreement on mutual expectations when it comes to discipline, attitude, punctuality and all the other things that make up being part of a youth team, whether house-league or “all-star”.

If the family can’t abide by the coach’s program, then it is likely the wrong program for that child and family. There is then time to look for options elsewhere.

But again, it’s important to establish priorities and expectations early on, so everyone is understands specific expectations and individual family limitations and hostile feelings don’t build and build.

There is no way to defend punching a youth coach, even if the coach was off-base in handling a particular situation – whether it was about playing time, foul language, unfair disciplinary methods, whatever.

It’s difficult enough to find good role models to work with other people’s children.

Now, it’s easy for us to make judgments from hundreds of miles away, but some questions come to mind:

1. If a coach has made it clear a player must arrive on time, is that actually reasonable, given the age of the children?

2. Is punctuality more important than the attitude and work ethic of a young player when they are at practice?

3. What were the actions on both “sides” in this situation that preceded the punch-up?

4. How will that 12 year-old look at his dad in future? What has he “learned” about handling disagreements?

5. How will the rest of the team look at the coach? What have they “learned” about handling disputes?

Youth sports organizations exist to give young people outlets and opportunities for healthy activity. They aim to “hire” volunteers with the best approach and skill set to act as positive role models.

They don’t always bring in the right people, and mistakes will inevitably be made.

The more the sports association, local clubs, individual coaches, players themselves and parents communicate their mutual objectives together, very early on, the better off everyone is.

All the parties may not agree, and if they don’t, thankfully parents have the freedom to protest, ask for change, and ultimately leave a ‘club' if it’s obviously not the right club or team for them.

Punishing a young player for being late- and punching out a coach- is never healthy, much less a solution.

Doing the right thing when interacting with your players: The checklist for youth hockey coaches

2010-03-06T16:59:00.003-05:00

Youth hockey coaches have a difficult job. They are the key decision-makers. They set examples. Players look to them for leadership. Club administrators—and parents—look to them to make good choices.

As adults we often speak to our young people about making choices—preferably intelligent, positive choices.

That said, coaches make choices, too. They can choose to be the kind of coach that cares only about “winning”, or a coach that has a deeper—and longer-lasting—impact on the young people they coach and the families whose lives they touch.

Here are some tips to help make the coaching experience better for you—and the young people you interact with:

1) Build confidence in your players.

Too often young athletes have their confidence shattered by their coach. Ask anyone in sports, including top professional athletes: when you lose your confidence, performance suffers and it becomes a vicious cycle. As a coach, regardless of whether you are soft-spoken, a yeller or somewhere in between, you must show confidence in your athletes—and constantly build their self-confidence. Wouldn’t you rather be the one coach the player looks back on and says—“That person really believed in me and made a difference in my life…” than the coach who is a negative caricature in the minds of your former players?

2) Identify the real team players on your squad.

Coaches so often want to build a team with stars that they neglect to identify the young athletes who will be the glue that keeps a team together, and keeps them successful. There are obviously many attributes of a “team player”, but for starters, look for young people who are good teammates, who support other players, who are unselfish, and treat other players and people with respect. A really good coach would rather ‘lose’ with a bunch of fine young people than ‘win’ with a group of talented prima donnas who care only about themselves and not the team.

3) Communicate regularly and honestly.

Young players need regular feedback. You should never go weeks or months without providing constructive feedback on their performance. If they are not meeting your expectations, either in terms of performance or attitude, speak with them—privately. That said, the first thing you should do is set mutually understood expectations at the beginning of each season. Meet with the player alone to do this (and with their parents, when age appropriate), away from everyone else.

4) Explain clearly what you want and then demonstrate what you want.

I often see coaches demand, yell, threaten. Most coaches are not Tony Dungee (coach of the NFL Super Bowl Champion Indianapolis Colts) who rarely, if ever, speaks above his “normal” voice. Parents and players expect—and accept—some loudness from a coach. A little loudness may even help sometimes! But be sure to explain clearly what you want to see, then show what you want. Young soccer players need to see what you’re talking about, so if you can’t show/demonstrate what you want, bring in a guest instructor who can.

5) Recognize that every young person/athlete is motivated differently.

Not every athlete—or person—responds to the same stimuli. Some athletes are self-driven, some may need a shove in the behind, others need encouragement. Whatever, the key is to find out what is behind every player’s mental door. Speak to the player. Get to know them. Find out what motivates them. Find out what they really love about the sport they play—this will give you a look behind the door. Again if age appropriate, speak with their parents. They may have insight that will help you inspire your young player.

6) Recognize that you have a potentially huge affect on the young people you coach.

Parents clearly have a seminal influence on the lives of their children. Particular teachers can have a major impact. But there’s no question youth coaches have a huge affect on many of the young players on their team. What you say, how you say it, how you act and how you treat people does matter—a lot. Ask yourself: How will I want to be remembered by this group of players, by each individual player, in 20 years?

Be the kind of coach that will make people remember you fondly, as a positive inspiration in their life, as someone who made a real difference, whether they go on in the sporting field or not. Your players will remember you for a long, long time. What do you want their memory of you to be?

7) Don’t hide your head in the sand. Make yourself aware of personality conflicts on your team, and work to resolve them.

Many youth coaches don’t want to know if there are conflicts on their young team. Worse, if they do know there are issues, they don’t know how to deal with the situation effectively. Just like adults, we can’t expect young people, particularly young people competing against one another for playing time and recognition, etc. to always like each other, or to get along. But you can make it a point to hear, watch and see what’s going on. And you, as the team leader, can engender a sense of camaraderie, togetherness, and foster the notion of respect for each other on and off the field of play. Insist on it.

8) Keep your players’ egos in check.

Some coaches may not think that this is an issue in youth sports, but in this day and age, it is. Young people see “the pros” showboating, trash-talking and generally acting in a manner that most parents would not approve of.

While we all want our kids to have healthy self-esteem and a good sense of self-worth, too much “attitude” can lead to an over-developed sense of self-importance. As coach, you have the opportunity—and the responsibility—to see that your players don’t fall into this pattern. If you don’t deal with it, you will generally see a negative impact on the players, your team, and your efforts to build a tight-knit group.

9) Listen to your players. Don’t assume you have all the answers.

We adults often think we have the answers, because we have “life experience”. This life experience can lead to wisdom. It can also lead to rigid thinking that hasn’t changed in decades. This certainly applies to coaching. Coaches who say, “this is the way it was in my day”, or think because they played the game at a high level that they know everything there is to know, may be doing their players a disservice. The way things were done in “your day” may not have been the best way. Much like parenting, why would we want to repeat the mistakes made by our own parents? I work professionally with many young athletes and I often hear of their frustration with coaches who just won’t listen, won’t take input from those who are actually on the field, playing the game NOW. Hearing is a sense. Listening is a skill. Develop that skill—especially when it comes to relating to your players.

One other thing on this subject: As I mentioned earlier, take the time to find out what each player really loves about hockey. Sometimes a coach will be with a young person for an entire season and will never bother to find out that the player loves a certain aspect of the sport. Find out. Then build on that to help them become an even better all-around player.

10) Model real leadership. Don’t talk “we” and act “me”. If you talk about leadership but don’t live it, your players will tune you out.

Leadership is easy to talk – and write about— and much harder to show. But as a youth sports coach, you have a wonderful opportunity to model positive leadership. How you speak with your players, the way you instruct, how you handle situations when players make mistakes and how you communicate with players on a daily basis are all vitally important examples of your leadership style. You are showing by your own actual behavioral example what you believe is the “right” way for an adult in a position of authority to handle themselves. You should always have handy a mental checklist, a self-monitoring system that makes you ask yourself, “will I feel badly tomorrow about what I am about to say or do right now?”

We all make mistakes, and if you make one, be strong enough to acknowledge that you let a player down and then apologize to them. The willingness to do that will set a tremendous example as well.

11) Be consistent in your discipline and expectations, regardless of whether it’s your “stars” or those who play less often.

Young people generally recognize pretty quickly when a coach says one thing, then does something different. While you should aim to get to know all of your players as individuals, and know what motivates them and react accordingly, you should establish firm team expectations – and stick with them. Suppose “star” players miss practice regularly, or don’t work hard in drills, or put down their teammates (or act out in games against opponents or referees). Do you ignore this behavior because you “need” that player to “win”? The players should know what your rules, guidelines and expectations are, and realize there will be consequences—regardless of who breaks the rules.

12) The Golden Rule: Monitor how your players treat one another.

For some coaches, this notion is somehow totally unimportant. It should be important to you. If you have certain players putting down others on a young team, it’s toxic and spreads. Don’t be lulled into thinking it doesn’t matter. It does. The world is still full of “Eddie Haskell” (a famous teenage character from the classic ‘Leave It To Beaver’ television program) types—kids who are nice to the coach or certain adults, but are jerks to teammates or others they don’t like.

If you see inappropriate behavior of any kind, deal with it firmly. The old adage “boys will be boys” doesn’t cut it—in male or female youth sports. Talk to the instigator/s privately and make it clear you will not tolerate that behavior on your team, full stop.

13) Be respectful of parents.

Youth coaches (sometimes understandably) tend to look at parents as necessary evils. We parents can be a pain, no question. Coaches don’t want to “deal” with parents, and delegate an assistant coach or team manager to handle all interpersonal situations. You may be saying to yourself, “Hey, I’m a volunteer, I already give up lots of my time…” which is a fair point if you don’t have a son or daughter on your team. But parents do deserve to know how their son or daughter is doing, why they are playing a lot or a little, and if there are things they could be doing to make the overall soccer experience for their child a better one. Ideally, set aside a night every few weeks to have telephone appointments to discuss progress, privately, calmly and away from the field.

14) Always be open to new players, but be loyal to dedicated returning players.

Just because a player made an “all-star” or “rep” team at the age of 10 shouldn’t give them an automatic renewal license for all long as they want to stay on a team. This can lead to a sense of entitlement that is not healthy. A young athlete should have to constantly enhance their skills, work diligently, attend practices, volunteer time, and maintain a positive attitude. If you have a real team player on your hands, keep them. If a new player comes by who may have a little more talent—be open but also keep your eyes open. Too often coaches are willing to sacrifice a solid but unspectacular player for an incoming “star”, but remember—the star may bring some baggage, so do your homework.

15) Ask yourself: Are you being the adult in the relationship with your player/players?

In my advisory work with young athletes, I regularly see situations (albeit from the perspective of the young athlete) where it strikes me that the player has to assume the role of the adult in the coach-player relationship. The coach doesn’t have a true open door policy, may be a ‘talker’ but not an effective communicator, may be a de-motivator, etc. When issues arise, there is silence, not an effort to resolve things and so feelings fester and simmer. This forces the young person to plan a strategy to deal effectively with the situation. I often will recommend that the young person initiate a private tete-a-tete, since the coach seems uninterested or unwilling to address an obvious problem. The meeting doesn’t always solve the issue, but at least there is an attempt at open communication.

As the coach, you be the adult. You are the adult, so accept the responsibility. Set a high standard in terms of your performance and behavior expectations of the young athletes (but understand they are young and will make mistakes), and in return do the same to and for yourself.

16) Recognize that every player on your team must not only feel they are an important part of your team/success, they must know it. That comes from you.

I quite often will hear a professional coach say things such as, “As a coach, I try to make everyone on the team feel important”. Well, that’s all very nice. All your players should feel important. But your job is not to make them feel important, it is to make them know and fully understand that they really are important. In any team sport, not even the greatest players of their generation—Bobby Orr, Wayne Gretzky, Jim Brown, Michael Jordan, Pele—could win a game, much less a championship, on their own. Every player on their squad likely contributed something significant at some point that changed the outcome of a particular game or season. Your players, especially the ones who perhaps play less than the others, need to know clearly they are an invaluable part of any success your team has. And you need to make this understood to all your players, especially those who think they are the straw that stirs the drink.

17) Are there consequences to your expectations or are they just idle threats?

In short, we don’t need to be a psychologist to understand that if your leadership, rules and expectations are to have any impact, you must be consistent not only in outlining but also in acting upon your expectations. It is imperative that you demonstrate that there are clear consequences. Anything short of real consequences and these smart young people will call your bluff and tune you out—to your face, or behind your back.

18) If you cannot provide certain expertise find it for your team.

In this day and age, coaches should be humble enough to recognize they don’t know everything. Fitness and nutrition are important, so if this is not an area you have knowledge about, bring in people who do to share information with your athletes. As a coach, if you have no legitimate expertise as a goalie coach, for example, seek out someone who can provide it. Misinformation or poor instruction are probably worse in these instances than no information or instruction at all. Many a young goalie has been harmed mentally and emotionally by a coach who simply does not know what they are talking about.

****

Michael Langlois, founder of Prospect Communications Inc., is the author of the book, “How Well Do You Communicate? A Guide to Better Communication with Players and Parents for Minor (Youth) Soccer Coaches”. Prospect’s web site is located at http://www.prospectcommunications.com./ This article is copyrighted to the author and may not be reproduced without obtaining written permission. To inquire about licensing the right to reproduce any of the enclosed content email: inquiries@prospectcommunications.com